UnHooked Generation: Great Book!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
UnHooked Generation: Great Book!
1
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 8:54pm

So I'm mostly finished this book and have found it to be an absolutely fabulous read, confirming many theories I'd already had about our generation and our general issues in getting into relationships.

The author breaks down our main issues into what she calls the 7 Evil Influences. Here's a brief summary:

Evil Influence #1: The Cult of I
Generation X has taken Baby Boomers' 'me generation' attitude to the next extreme by prioritizing marriage below the pursuit of education and career goals. This has developed the inner inclination to believe that we will be able to schedule love for whenever we are ready for it and that is shouldn't involve much personal sacrifice. It also results in a 'What have you done for me lately?' attitude. Unhooked partners are often relectant to admit their desire for a partner citing: "I don't need a man in my life. I don't want a relationship because I am lacking anything. I only want to add or enrich it."

Evil Influence #2: Multiple Choice Culture:
The number of choices consumers have today has grown exponentially. We are the first generation to grow up computer literate, being plugged up to TV, cell phones, instant messages, and cash machines. Just as you can go on the internet to find a car, you can now shop around for the right mate. The multitude of choices can lead Gen-Xers to develop an inclination to commodify partners. We do this by creating "checklists" so we can theoretically design our ideal mate. In the process we may begin to constantly compare our partners to what else is out there, making us perpetually dissatisfied with our choice.

Regarding our overuse of technology to communicate: This can lead Gen-Xers to develop an inclincation to rely on technology for intimate communication, so that we often become noncomittal and inexpressive about our true feelings. This communication is then prone to misinterpretation.

Evil Influence #3: The Divorce Effect
Gen-Xers are the first generation that are direct products of divorce. Growing up in the age of divorce not only leads to the inclincation to be skeptical of marriage but it also inflates our expectations.

Evil Influence #4: The Inadvertent Effects of Feminism
The clearly defined dating script of the past (such as the man asks the women out, pays for dinner etc.) was based on traditional gender roles is outdated yet has left no new dating script to replace for changing gender roles. This can often result in courtships that are fraught with confusion and mixed messages trying to decipher who is pursuing who and why. And if it really is a pursuit at all.

Evil Influence #5: The "Why Suffer" Mentality
Many Gen-Xers see little value in suffering or working through something to make it work. It creates an inclination to feel entitled to a relationship that is always fun and easy; when the relationship has challenges and requires work, we often believe it is time to move on to the next. 'They must not be the right person for me' and 'why should I have to deal with this'.

Evil Influence #6: The Celebrity Standard
Media images send the message that making money has far greater value than nurturing a relationship or starting a family. Celebrities wear their romantic partners like accessories, changing lovers as quickly as their latest albums, sending the message that partners needn't last forever. The standard set by celebrities can lead Gen-Xers to get caught up in fantasy images of luxury an unstable single life that are often at odds with real commitment.

Evil Influence #7: The Fallout from the Marriage Delay
The inclination of Gen-Xers who delay marriage and serious relationships can be to become more protective and less open to love and again have inflated expectations. After many years of prolonged single life, compromise can become more difficult. As one unhoked put it "a man would have to be damn near perfect for me to settle down and get married."

Other chapters get into hookups, friends with benefits, upgrading and the collapse of courtship but it was this short list that peaked my interest because it reminded me of so many threads here.

Anyway, its been a darn good read.

http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/1-23-2006-87118.asp

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 10:36pm

Sounds like an interesting book. My take on things is I'm not the type of guy that does hookups and FWB. I am trying to get a better career becuase I would like to be able to provide for a family, but I'm not saying my wife can't work. I have noticed the I factor, my ex was always about I, I want to do this or that, it was never we. I believe the Native Americans did not have the word I in their vocabulary, it was we and our, wouldn't that be sweet if we were the same way. The role of femiminism does confuse me some what, I am a guy and feel like I should be able to provide for a woman, financially, emotionally and spiritually, but some and I mean some women I meet seem to want it all.

If we look towards celebrities for mentors, boy are we stupid as a society. I really could care less who Paris Hilton is dating and that Brad left Jennifer for Angelina. Has our society really come to this?

I also wanted to comment on how we use technology to communicate. I think some couples are so saturated with cell phones and text messages, that is takes wonder and spark out of it. Iy used to be a couple would go to work, come home and talk, now it's texting each other, e-mailing all through out the day. I think too much of that is causing us to worry about what the other person is doing and we can't enjoy time away from another.