Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Update
11
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 11:02am

I told you all about the ex who got married and the emails. I finally got all of my thoughts together today and sent him an email telling him how what he did made me angry and that I thought his behavior was cowardly and dishonest. I must have really pi**ed him off because I got a nasty response saying that he wasn't going to debate it with me and that he thought that I was being unfair and harsh. Then he said that he has no problem with a friend objecting to misbehavior on his part but that he does object to a judgement as delivered on high. Hehehe

I just wrote back and told him that I wasn't surprised that he feels this way and that I had no intention of debating him. I pointed out that I called his behavior cowardly and dishonest but did not say that he himself is that kind of person. I generally think that he is a good person. I said that I cannot deliver judgment as on high since I judge myself as harshly as anyone else in my life and consider myself equals with my friends. I simple expect that same respect and honesty from my friends that I give to them.

I doubt that he will respond to that and I really don't care. I wrote the email telling him how I feel for myself, not him. He obviously has not changed in all of the years since we parted and I surely did not think that one email from me would make him see the light. I wrote that email for me. When he and I were together, I was so scared of losing him that I buried my own feelings. I simply was not going to do that again. I only responded to his email to rebut accusations that he levied on me about being judgmental.

I could have just never written to him again and been done with it that way but I feel better about the entire situation for having called him on his behavior and for sticking up for myself. I validated my feelings (whether he agrees or not) by voicing them instead of burying them or just letting the whole thing go.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
In reply to: auntjules
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 8:42am
For lack of a better term, good for you! Taking yourself out of the destructive cycle is the only thing you can do. He may continue to spiral down but you don't have to witness it.


Edited 1/25/2006 8:43 am ET by lesleylou

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