update--moving on, new guy, and more

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
update--moving on, new guy, and more
97
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 12:17pm

Hi,

I've been posting on the board on breaking up, but just wanted to check in here to give my latest update on things. I was having a really hard time getting over being dumped by a guy I was seeing for a month. He turned out to be a classic commitment-phobe, having said all these wonderful things until the moment I expressed being ready for something more. Anyway, the abrupt end really crushed me, so much that I went back to therapy to sort out my feelings and how to process the whole fiasco. I also mentioned that I would be leaving home for the holidays early because living in a new town wasn't making things any easier.

I've been home for about a week now and am doing much better. I'd have my ups and downs, but for the most part, it's been incredibly comforting being around friends who've known me for a long time and who only want the best for me. I've had my yearning moments, but it's been two weeks and I can say that it's a lot easier than it was before.

When I told one of my friends about the breakup, she immediately wanted to set me up with a new friend of hers. I was reluctant, but agreed to the meeting because he works in a similar field, is in similar social circles, and I figured we'd probably cross paths at some point anyway. Turns out he's extremely funny, smart, nice, and has made it quite clear to me that he's available. However, it's not an ideal situation because I'm leaving for SB in a week. I've focused on enjoying his company and having fun while I'm away from SB. Nothing romantic has happened (he is much more mature and respectful than the ex was in this respect) because I think he also realizes that starting up anything would only lead to complications. I think what will happen is we'll stay in touch after I leave and just get to know each other from there. We'll see if it develops into anything more.

As far as the ex, I'd been struggling with accepting that he was out of my life for good. I never contacted him and assumed that he'd moved on and had no interest in ever contacting me. And then yesterday he called. I didn't answer, but he left a very casual sounding message about wanting to catch up and see how I'm doing since it's been a while. I don't know what he wants. It was the kind of message you leave for a friend you haven't spoken to in a year. We dated, slept together, he called me his girlfriend, made all sorts of projections into the future, and then dumped me in an email. And now he leaves me that kind of message?

I'm mostly annoyed that he would resurface at a time when I was really starting to feel good about things again. I won't contact him. He may get the message and not call anymore, but I'm afraid I will pick up the next time he calls, if there is a next time. I want to tell him off, make him feel uncomfortable, let him know that I'm doing just fine without him. But I also know that's petty. What to do? Can you block people from calling your cell phone?

Other than that, things are good. I do worry about returning to SB and how things will be. I'll be back on my own, without friends and family, trying to work. I'm pretty sure I can be strong enough not to seek him out, but I worry that I might not be strong enough to keep him from reentering my life. One consolation is that I did start seeing a therapist and we plan to resume our meetings after I get back to SB.

Well, that's the latest. I hope everyone else is enjoying whatever time off they have.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 3:23pm
Hehehe. There is obviously no point in posting a subsantive response. He glossed over a very serious point I made about how he says women ask for most divorces but then talks about how he and his friends make a woman dump them. He also quoted statistics and refused to back them up. This kind of illogical posting can't be reasoned with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 3:32pm

Good try jules..., I said "maybe" in the post..., that's a far cry from you hate men....,

..., and I am friends with all my ex's and girlfriends..., but for the few that for whatever reason we don't talk..., like Dodie who disappeared again after her 1 month call.

But you do go on about you.., about how you love statistics and understand them more than me..., I was simply stating the fact that I get plenty of feedback from your sex as to my levelheadedness and ability to communicate..,

I have no more failed relationships than you do..., so what's your point..., you are better than me.., that's the latest trend in movies, the news, and commercials, to name a few...., the bumbling man, soo far beneath woman as to deserve her pity..., yeah, right..., you are simply spouting that which you have been fed.

So knock yourself out..., play your feel good games.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 3:32pm

Figures! Men!

hehe ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 3:37pm
Yes, I looooove statistics. Nothing makes me hotter. I am glad that you were able to pick up on that too even though I never said it. So intuitive. I am also glad that you realize that I understand them better than you do even though I never said that either. As for failed relationships - you have no idea how many I have been in because, unlike you, I have not mentioned them in hopes of bolstering my own point of view. But I sure as heck have never been divorced.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 3:38pm
Better watch out or he will figure out that you secretly hate men too. hehehe
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 3:48pm

We men..., HA!

We have done nothing but bend over backwards to give you the equality and support you've asked for..., but the same old cry from women..., they want more...,

You're the first to ask for equality in the work place but then when it comes to dating or marriage want traditional roles...,

What you don't understand is that most men placate you and try to avoid confrontation with you so they tell you what you want to hear. How many times has a man told you "no" recently..., not many I would guess.

I have talked with many women about this and that was face to face...., not protected by an invisible internet shield..., you certainly change you're tune when confronted by a man who will stand up to his beliefs and not cower down before your sexuality.

Women have told me how they hate men who agree with them all the time..., who constantly try to be their best friend..., these guys that try too hard..., those "nice" guys. They are drawn to men who draw lines and put boundaries on them..., woe to the wimpy man..., the man you women created..., created in the likeness of the image you asked for.

..., go ahead..., don't try to understand men and how they feel..., the clock is ticking and when women pass the age of 50 we men become very scarce..., I for one don't want to live my life alone..., I for one am trying to better myself by understanding what women want and need...,

..., things you say men don't do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 4:00pm

Honestly I do have one of those men that does tell me no and isn't afraid to do so. Why? Because I encourage him to do that and I dont act like a queen on a throne. But we're also equal partners in our relationship...one doesn't dominate over the other and we're both equally strongwilled, stubborn and speak up for our needs. We also compromise and communicate about our needs and what the other can do to satisfy so that we BOTH benefit. The fact that he can tell me no is one of the sexiest things about him.

I didnt realize that equal rights meant chivalry went out of style as well. I think thats bogus. Thats a stretch of an argument. And you know what...I think with the years, sweat, tears, and money I'm putting in to educate myself and get an advanced degree so that I can be better in my field and be a better service to those I'll work with, definitely warrants me getting paid the SAME as my male classmates that are doing the exact same thing. A penis shouldn't seperate me on the pay scale.

Rubyshoes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 4:08pm

He's a pot-stirrer. He wants a challenge and doesn't seem to care what assumptions he has to make to get it.

In one of his previous posts he stated "I'm a stand-up guy (not the comedian type)..."
Yeah, no kidding buddy.

Then again, this has turned into a pretty good bit of comedy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 4:12pm

I thought the exact same thing when I read that and agree that it has been amusing. He talks about how all of these women are on anti-depressants and need counselors and yet has this almost bipolar swing between insulting us (like that comment about all of the women here needing to give a guy a break) and then trying to be funny. Hmmmmmm......food for thought.

Edited for a typo...




Edited 12/22/2005 4:13 pm ET by auntjules
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 4:15pm

And 81 posts later we are SOOO FAR off topic from the OP.

Wowza... ;D

Rubyshoes

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