update--moving on, new guy, and more

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
update--moving on, new guy, and more
97
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 12:17pm

Hi,

I've been posting on the board on breaking up, but just wanted to check in here to give my latest update on things. I was having a really hard time getting over being dumped by a guy I was seeing for a month. He turned out to be a classic commitment-phobe, having said all these wonderful things until the moment I expressed being ready for something more. Anyway, the abrupt end really crushed me, so much that I went back to therapy to sort out my feelings and how to process the whole fiasco. I also mentioned that I would be leaving home for the holidays early because living in a new town wasn't making things any easier.

I've been home for about a week now and am doing much better. I'd have my ups and downs, but for the most part, it's been incredibly comforting being around friends who've known me for a long time and who only want the best for me. I've had my yearning moments, but it's been two weeks and I can say that it's a lot easier than it was before.

When I told one of my friends about the breakup, she immediately wanted to set me up with a new friend of hers. I was reluctant, but agreed to the meeting because he works in a similar field, is in similar social circles, and I figured we'd probably cross paths at some point anyway. Turns out he's extremely funny, smart, nice, and has made it quite clear to me that he's available. However, it's not an ideal situation because I'm leaving for SB in a week. I've focused on enjoying his company and having fun while I'm away from SB. Nothing romantic has happened (he is much more mature and respectful than the ex was in this respect) because I think he also realizes that starting up anything would only lead to complications. I think what will happen is we'll stay in touch after I leave and just get to know each other from there. We'll see if it develops into anything more.

As far as the ex, I'd been struggling with accepting that he was out of my life for good. I never contacted him and assumed that he'd moved on and had no interest in ever contacting me. And then yesterday he called. I didn't answer, but he left a very casual sounding message about wanting to catch up and see how I'm doing since it's been a while. I don't know what he wants. It was the kind of message you leave for a friend you haven't spoken to in a year. We dated, slept together, he called me his girlfriend, made all sorts of projections into the future, and then dumped me in an email. And now he leaves me that kind of message?

I'm mostly annoyed that he would resurface at a time when I was really starting to feel good about things again. I won't contact him. He may get the message and not call anymore, but I'm afraid I will pick up the next time he calls, if there is a next time. I want to tell him off, make him feel uncomfortable, let him know that I'm doing just fine without him. But I also know that's petty. What to do? Can you block people from calling your cell phone?

Other than that, things are good. I do worry about returning to SB and how things will be. I'll be back on my own, without friends and family, trying to work. I'm pretty sure I can be strong enough not to seek him out, but I worry that I might not be strong enough to keep him from reentering my life. One consolation is that I did start seeing a therapist and we plan to resume our meetings after I get back to SB.

Well, that's the latest. I hope everyone else is enjoying whatever time off they have.

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:25pm

Ah well.. she got scared and triggered and dumped me ..

Lick wounds..dust self off... pick self up... start all over again...

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:27pm
Sorry to hear that, Mark. But you seem to have a good attitude about it.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:51pm

I'm sorry to hear that, Mark. I know exactly how you feel with the picking yourself up and starting over routine. BTDT too many times...but hope springs eternal ;-). You're a good guy and I hope you find someone who is right for you soon.

Sheri

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 7:26pm

Thanks.. I just thought she was THE One.. she created this excitement in me that I did not feel in a long time... plus she being such a self aware, kind,... yadda yadda yadda...

Well if I can attract such a person in my life then I can do it again.. and next time she WILL be THE One .. yah?

Meanwhile I'll hang here *grin*
Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 10:51am

That's a great attitude, Mark. It's a measure of character how you handle disappointment, and you seem to be handling it very well.

Hang in there - I know it's hard to get excited about someone and then have it end. But, you're right, there is a wonderful woman out there who will thank her lucky stars that it didn't work out for you with this woman. Keep the faith. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 1:10pm

Awww.. thanks for the sweet message. I keep thinking with all the wonderful women here maybe there is one in Portland, Oregon *grin*

It's all good. I keep my life positive and keeping myself and heart open to the possibilities.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 1:36pm

I dated a man that I thought was THE one also. I'd like to say that I have felt that way again, but alas, no. It's only been a few years, though, and I am young so I keep a positive attitude. In all honesty, I haven't even been putting forth much effort lately so I only have myself to blame for being single. The holidays are busy enough and I always take a dating break but this one started well before the holidays. Plus, starting next month, I will be gone a week each month through July for work and I KNOW that I will be lazy about dating then.

All of that being said, I need to get back on the horse again and I am going to make a real effort starting in late January. I really enjoy speed dating and there will be more lectures for me to attend. The winter in Chicago is usually a tougher time to meet people and the spring is the best time. I just need to redouble my efforts.

So I am going to take your words about meeting someone else and have them help me when I feel unmotivated. :-)

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