To use or not to use

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
To use or not to use
8
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 2:56pm
I have been dating this great guy for just under two months. Everything has been great. We seem to mesh well and have had a great time hanging out until........recently. We have been talking about the sex issue and he tells me that he is alleric to rubber, i.e condoms. I don't want to have sex without them for two obvious reasons. Babies and STDs. He said that if I wanted to use them, then I would have to buy them. He refuses to get them. So my questions is this... have you ever had a guy too embarassed to buy them??? Or how common is skin allergies to rubber??? This has been a complete curve ball with this relationship. He says he is not against using them, so if this is the case, why does he resist so much??? He does not seem to have a problem, unless I buy them. Please advise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 3:05pm

Honestly, I think that this is not a good sign. I am not saying that men should always be the ones to buy birth control, but he should at least be willing to do it part of the time. If he really does have a latex allergy (more common than you would think), then there are condoms that are made out of other materials. You can buy ones made out of polyurethane, for example. Here are some options: http://www.safesense.com/condoms-non-latex.shtml

There are also sheepskin condoms but those will only prevent pregnancy, they will NOT prevent STDs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 3:14pm

So he's allergic to them and won't use them, but if you do the buying then he'll use them? That sounds strange, to say the least. It sounds as if he's less allergic to rubber and more allergic to taking responsibility.
My big-sister instincts are screaming "red flag, red flag!" right now.
My message board poster instincts are saying to really think about this one.

Of course, this is all based just on what you've said. As always, there could be more to the story and there usually is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 3:35pm
I have to say that this could be a serious issue. If he says this now, how many other people has he said it to in the past that didn't use them? And they say that when you sleep with someone, you are sleeping with everyone they have slept with and so on and so forth.
Maybe sex shouldn't enter the picture until a ways down the road when a serious commitment is made, both parties have been tested and you can find an alternative form of birth control.
As far as him refusing to buy them boggles me. Most men will do it and usually have them available.
I also don't see how he is okay with using them if you buy them, but is allergic to rubber or latex. Seems fishy to me.
~Chloe
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 5:01pm
If he was allergic, it wouldn't matter if you bought the condoms or not -- he still wouldn't be able to use them. So it sounds very suspicious to me that he appears willing to use one if you go out and get it. If he's not willing to participate in your legitimate health concerns, I would seriously question whether he's someone worth having sex with at all.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 12-14-2005 - 10:31pm

How old is this guy? 14?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 7:37am
If he is too embarrassed to buy them at the store he should order them from a website. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 3:32pm
Thanks everyone for all your input. This has concerned me all week, ever since I found out about his situation. We had a serious discussion the other night to talk about it more. I told him that he needs to respect me and my wishes, oherwise the relationship would be over. This means wearing a condom. From what he tells me, he has had bad experiences with them and this is how he found out he was "mildly" allergic to them. I have never had a guy not offer one when the time came for sex, so this was a big shock to me. I will not budge on the issue and if it becomes more of a problem, I will not hesitate to move on without him. We're going to try the new female condoms out to see if that helps. Wish me luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 12:04am
My ex boyfriend was too afraid to buy them. I had to either get over my fear and buy them or tell him we wont do anything unless he buys them. Either way works.
It sounds like he is opposed to using them. Make him use them away. better be safe than sorry.