Vacation fling

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Vacation fling
5
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 1:28pm

Got one I need some ideas on.. Going back home for the holidays, and in addtion to the celebrations and family get togethers, i know there are gong to the well intentioned match making attempts from family. In the past i have always, avoided these the best i can ... i live thousands miles of miles from home, so i never consider any of these matches viable..  i don't do log distance relationships, and the idea of figuring who is moving or giving up what is just too much work...

but this time, i am thinking a little differently. I hate being single!! i miss being in a relationship, and i am thinking of just enjoying myself for the duration of the vaction... Now, i am not talking about sex.. i still have never been able to do the casual sex thing, but thinking abt do the whole boyfriend thing. take someone out for dinner, movie, buy flowers, talk, maybe even make out, though that maybe too much of a temptation, and end up going further than i want.

the only issue to what sounds like a good idea to  me (for now) is i have a concious the size of Mt Everest, and the idea of possibly leading someone on would bother for a long time afterwards. The guilt would eat at me, which is why i have avoid these matched in the past.

So now i try to figure out how to let someone know upfront that for the vaction, i want to be, i guess, the exact opposite of a FWB...want the closeness, don't need the  sex..

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 6:03pm

the only way you can lead someone on is to not be upfront about your intentions as far as they are concerned.  If you speak your truth and they want to hang, cool beans. If you speak your truth and do not want to hang, still cool beans--at least you can look youself in the eye and know you didn't lead them astray by not stating your case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 4:42pm
I'll be there for 2 weeks . Xxxs, I do agree abt keeping that part private. Going to have to find a subtle way to get the message across. Cfk, my home town is one of those small ones where everyone knows everyone's business. So if ur single, ... parents, friends, neighbors... all try to set u up with any other single person they know. So finding someone isn't the problem, finding a match is. Plus most the time she is being pushed into it just like u are. So normally, we just meet once, to get them off ur back and then move on . But right now, I just want to date. Only been on one date this year and even that was by accident. It is a little bit by choice, I admit to not really pushing that hard and giving too quickly on some OLD prospects...last relationship was bad so kinda wary...but 2 weeks of something like this would be great... just going to have find someone that wants the same.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 2:47pm

  Hi Master Chief

   Yes I agree with telling everyone that you will only be there a few days.  I also would say keep you mouth shut about philosophical points.

" i still have never been able to do the casual sex thing"  "So now i try to figure out how to let someone know upfront that for the vaction, i want to be, i guess, the exact opposite of a FWB...want the closeness, don't need the  sex.."

     This I strongly suggest keeping to your self.  People are strange critters.  A woman who may want the type of relationship that you do, may also be turned off by such knowledge about you.

    With the communications available now a woman in your town may "know" (FaceBook,social media college friend etc) someone in the town you will be visiting.  Word spreads fast!  Give them nothing to gossip about you.

dragowoman

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: shywon
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 2:27pm
How long are you going to be there? You can always just make it clear in the beginning that you'll only be in town for x amount of days, and that you're very happy with your life where you live. Not really in a "sit down and talk" kind of way, but just casually slip it in. I completely understand missing the closeness. Just having sex with someone doesn't fulfill that need. There's something about being with someone who you know cares and isn't there for the sole purpose of getting you naked.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 2:22pm

First of all, how long are you going to be there?  How are you going to find this person?  I'm very curious!

If I met a guy who I knew was only in town for a short time, I would kind of assume that it's not going to go anywhere.  If I became attached, it would be my fault, not his . . . but you could take the forthright approach . . . you could also post an ad somewhere "coming into town, looking for someone fun to go out with but not looking for a LTR" ???