Vent - Tough being a student and homeowner
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|Wed, 03-05-2014 - 6:16pm|
I just needed a vent so I do not have a pity party with my friends.
I decided that I might treat myself to a new sweatshirt/top today online, and decided to read the reviews. To me, it wasn't a cheap top at $79 but I wanted something I really liked rather than buy something cheap on sale that I really would not use (I did not get the top BTW, I did not buy anything). Reading the reviews these ladies were talking about how they had purchased 4 of these in different colors, if spending $200-$300 was neither here nor there. That is probably more than I spent on clothes for the entire year last year. It makes me feel like where did I go wrong in life and just inferior.
It just reminded me how tough it has been for the last 5 years, and though I know it will be worth all the work at the end of the day that I have had to lose and sacrifice a lot to return to school and graduate at 44 years old. I will be graduating as an RN/BSN and it is a career I love, but I will be over $44,000 in debt and that's going to be a lot to pay off. I have a teaching degree from another country that I received when I was 22 years old. I decided to follow my dream and become a nurse. But even though I am due to graduate in May 2014 it has been such a lonely struggle. I have no family in this country, I have been divorced since 2001 and have no children. At this age, the likelihood of having children is zero to none.I am extremely maternal so this has been a tough thing to accept.
During this time at college I have had tried to date, but I just feel so less of an adult since I am at college and cannot even afford to take a weekend break, far less have a cute outfit for a date. I cannot afford much of anything except my bills. Also I have been taking classes continously since I started in Fall 2009 (every summer with classes), plus the amount of work we have to complete in the last two years has been incredible. 17 to 18 credit hours per a semester and just tests constantly. It just never ends. So instead of meeting anyone to build a future, I have off and on dated someone who is never going to be my husband or even want children with me (we have been doing this for nearly 6 years). It has filled in the lonely times.
I have managed to maintain my mortgage, but like another poster commented it has been tough. I currently have half of the condos electricity not working, I have had it checked and it is going to cost $2000-$3000 to fix - money I do not have lying around. I have kept all of my bills paid on time, I have worked as a nanny the entire time I have been at college, plus time working with a plastic surgeon, and a summer position teaching physicians how to use electronic medical records.This helped me buy a much needed new car since my other had died and I had to have reliable transportation to get to my classes and clinical rotation. On top of all of this, I am a plaintiff of many in a case against our current board of directors with my condo assosciation because they have not produced books or financial reports for over 3 years. It is against the law in my state not to furnish these to owners each year. So I have made a lot of sacrifice to keep a roof over my head and they have been most likely misappropriating our monies. It goes to court (finally) March 31st. The story is even worse about this - that's another vent. Put it this way - they have been trying to make my life even more difficult.
I feel that I have aged 20 years in these 5 years. All I wanted was a better life, and it seems that I just made so many mistakes. Everything is so expensive, and I am tired of being broke. Now, the dean of the college (which is attached to the big hospital system in our area) says that jobs could be tough to come by in nursing due to cutbacks and we need to be flexible. I speak fluent Spanish also but need to take a specific course to put it on my license. More money.
I see these ladies in my area (there are people who make good money) they don't work, they look fabulous because they go to the gym and have a lot personal care. I know that I am highly-educated and have all this independence, but when you are broke and having to stay home to study every night that you aren't working - it just seems miserable.