Vent - Tough being a student and homeowner

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Vent - Tough being a student and homeowner
23
Wed, 03-05-2014 - 6:16pm

I just needed a vent so I do not have a pity party with my friends.

I decided that I might treat myself to a new sweatshirt/top today online, and decided to read the reviews. To me, it wasn't a cheap top at $79 but I wanted something I really liked rather than buy something cheap on sale that I really would not use  (I did not get the top BTW, I did not buy anything). Reading the reviews these ladies were talking about how they had purchased 4 of these in different colors, if spending $200-$300 was neither here nor there. That is probably more than I spent on clothes for the entire year last year. It makes me feel like where did I go wrong in life and just inferior.

It just reminded me how tough it has been for the last 5 years, and though I know it will be worth all the work at the end of the day that I have had to lose and sacrifice a lot to return to school and graduate at 44 years old. I will be graduating as an RN/BSN and it is a career I love, but I will be over $44,000 in debt and that's going to be a lot to pay off. I have a teaching degree from another country that I received when I was 22 years old. I decided to follow my dream and become a nurse. But even though I am due to graduate in May 2014 it has been such a lonely struggle.  I have no family in this country, I have been divorced since 2001 and have no children.  At this age, the likelihood of having children is zero to none.I am extremely maternal so this has been a tough thing to accept.

During this time at college I have had tried to date, but I just feel so less of an adult since I am at college and cannot even afford to take a weekend break, far less have a cute outfit for a date. I cannot afford much of anything except my bills. Also I have been taking classes continously since I started in Fall 2009 (every summer with classes), plus the amount of work we have to complete in the last two years has been incredible. 17 to 18 credit hours per a semester and just tests constantly. It just never ends. So instead of meeting anyone to build a future, I have off and on dated someone who is never going to be my husband or even want children with me (we have been doing this for nearly 6 years). It has filled in the lonely times.

I have managed to maintain my mortgage, but like another poster commented it has been tough. I currently have half of the condos electricity not working, I have had it checked and it is going to cost $2000-$3000 to fix - money I do not have lying around. I have kept all of my bills paid on time, I have worked as a nanny the entire time I have been at college, plus time working with a plastic surgeon, and a summer position teaching physicians how to use electronic medical records.This helped me buy a much needed new car since my other had died and I had to have reliable transportation to get to my classes and clinical rotation. On top of all of this, I am a plaintiff of many in a case against our current board of directors with my condo assosciation because they have not produced books or financial reports for over 3 years. It is against the law in my state not to furnish these to owners each year. So I have made a lot of sacrifice to keep a roof over my head and they have been most likely misappropriating our monies. It goes to court (finally) March 31st. The story is even worse about this - that's another vent. Put it this way - they have been trying to make my life even more difficult.

I feel that I have aged 20 years in these 5 years. All I wanted was a better life, and it seems that I just made so many mistakes.  Everything is so expensive, and I am tired of being broke. Now, the dean of the college (which is attached to the big hospital system in our area) says that jobs could be tough to come by in nursing due to cutbacks and we need to be flexible. I speak fluent Spanish also but need to take a specific course to put it on my license. More money.

I see these ladies in my area (there are people who make good money) they don't work, they look fabulous because they go to the gym and have a lot personal care. I know that I am highly-educated and have all this independence, but when you are broke and having to stay home to study every night that you aren't working - it just seems miserable.

Beach

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 03-05-2014 - 8:48pm

Well you are almost done with college and look at the accomplishment that you have achieved of working while going to school.  I know how hard nursing school is since my DD is a nurse--she graduated 2 yrs ago and makes a very good salary so you may soon be able to buy the expensive clothes.  My son is also going to be a nurse.  I really don't know anyone who doesn't work but I know a lot of people who have more money than I do even though I have been working all my life.  My friend used to work as a personal assistant to these rich people--they also had a nanny even though the mom didn't work.  I guess she couldn't be bothered to do anything around the house except shop.  I met her at my friend's shower.  Anyway our paper had an article once about Manolo Blahnik shoes (remember when they became popular from Sex & the City?  It was around that time).  this woman was featured in the article shopping at Neiman Marcus, I think, and buying several pairs of Manolos and it just made me want to barf that she didn't have to put in any effort to do anything and could buy all these $500 pairs of shoes while here I am working my butt off and could never afford one pair of those in my life.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 03-05-2014 - 10:01pm
The only way I'll ever be able to afford expensive clothes is if I marry a guy who buys them for me! Honestly, I think most people are that way. My car is going on 8 years old and my latest extravagant purchase was a space heater for my basement. Being almost done with school has got to feel good. Whatever job you get, it's got to pay more than you're making now, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 03-06-2014 - 11:45am

Beach..hi, I remember you..from the old days.. You're originally from the UK, aren't you?

Can I ask..what was it you were doing work-wise before?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Thu, 03-06-2014 - 11:36pm
You have accomplished SO much.You should be very proud of yourself.Those women probably have rich husbands and the SAD thing about it is those women with the rich husbands probably have great degrees BUT never used it..BUT just married a rich man.That's life I guess..not for most of us though. I hope you know that you would be able to find work from home nursing jobs..I see them all the time so if you were to not work at that hospital or wherever you're working now...you will ALWAYS have a job...nursing is a very good career choice for those who love to help people..we need more of you guys :) 44,000..yes that's a lot of money BUT as I said..nurses do make great money...especially the traveling nurses..you have LOTS of options. Don't worry...you will be able to treat yourself to something nice soon :) You deserve it!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Fri, 03-07-2014 - 7:20am

IMHO, what matters is setting out a goal, and getting there. Achieving it. WHAT the goal IS is irrelevant, whether it's to be a SAHM with a rich husband and 3 cars or a carrier nurse. IMHO-  very broadly and disaster/illness etc aside - a life's accomplished when it runs, at least to about 80%,  the way you've always known you wanted it to. If your goal has always been being a mother and a wife and you are instead an (unhappy)  single high earning executive something or other.. imho, you've failed.  Same applies if you've ENDED UP a mother and a wife,  when all you've ever wanted is a great carrier,  and are instead living your life frustrated and fed up.

I hope you know what I mean here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Fri, 03-07-2014 - 7:54am



I am very sorry to rain on everyone´s parade here but, no, i do not think it was a wise decision by the OP. No, i don’t think its wise to burden yourself with debt of 44.000 usd at mid-forties, single, without any kind of “sponsor” but WITH a house as an additional BIG financial strain – all this just for a “maybe, maybe not” chance of getting a better job/climbing up the carrier ladder – call it what you want.. Sure it all sounds very brave and idealistic to say “I want this and I will achieve this”  but one has to, especially at the age of mid-forties, most importantly – be REALISTIC about what is affordable and what is not, what is doable and what is not, in all respects. IMO what the poster writes here about the hardships of her life only proves my opinion.

Beach – what was your profession before? Would it not have been possible to seek better paid jobs in YOUR field, could you not have attended (not TOO expensive) qualification courses, to better/upgrade your skills/qualifications – which would then enable you to aim for a lot higher qualified AND paid jobs?

Honestly, a debt of 44.000 usd and 5 years of studying for a nursing job? Sorry, i might misunderstand the US specifics here, because im in Germany but I am flabbergasted indeed..   

Well of course we all know – to each their own – but if you ask me – the most fabulous highest paid job in the world, the most successful carrier is worth nothing if there is no one near you, no partner to share it with, if you have to come home exhausted from yet another horribly stressful work day to an empty house.. If achieving that fabulous “carrier” goal means feeling unhappy, lonely and on top of that not knowing how to make ends meet financially.. But ow well, of course – to each their own…

Nevertheless, I really do wish you all the best... in finding true happiness in life, whatever that means for you..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Fri, 03-07-2014 - 8:48am

'..and the SAD thing about it is those women with the rich husbands probably have great degrees BUT never used it..BUT just married a rich man.That's life I guess..not for most of us though.'

It's not sad, imho. Nothing sad about it. It's what those women chose for themselves, and it's where they are.  What they've achieved - assuming those rich wifes and mothers are truly happy to be rich wives and mothers. One gets a degree and decides not to use it - cool, I say. No problem.  Absolutely agree with 'not for us', could never EVER in a million years be one of those, but if that's what they set out to achieve in life and got there..well done them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Fri, 03-07-2014 - 8:54am

I agree, totally. It may sound very out of date but imho major studying for which one pays out of pocket really is for the young,  and maybe for those older but with means/partner and family support to do so.

Not much help to OP, I understand.

Beach, all you can do now is persevere, keep going, get to the end, get the degree and the best job that's obtainable with that degree. No way back. Hope it all works out for you..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 03-07-2014 - 11:02am

You probably don't understand about financing the American educational system but I don't really think that $44,000 in debt is really that bad.  My DD went to a state school so she had about $20,000 in debt when she graduated but in her first job she is making over $50,000.  It's possible for experienced nurses to make close to $100,000 if they work in a good hospital in a major city, plus normally you have 10 yrs to pay off college debt and it's generally at a lower interest rate, so paying maybe $5,000-$6000 a year is really doable.  When I graduated from law school in 1982, I owed $20,000 and my first job was only $12,000/yr so I don't think it's that bad.  I know people today who are graduating from college with $100,000 in debt--I think that's ridiculous.

Your statement about having a good job & no one to share it with--well, is it better to have a good job & be alone or have a bad low paying job and be alone?  Because I think people need to be able to support themselves and then if the partner comes along, it's like the icing on the cake.  There is never any guarantee that someone will find a partner so better to have the good job rather than be living in poverty.  I'm glad that when I got divorced, I already had a career--not that it has been as successful economically as I would have liked, but I see a lot of posts from women who want to get out of a bad relationship but can't because they don't have a job.  Or women who will latch onto any bad guy who looks at them twice because they can't support themselves.  So I think the OP really has the right idea.  Nursing is one of the best career choices here because there are always jobs available and they pay pretty well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Fri, 03-07-2014 - 11:43am
Good memory, Julia. Yes, I am originally from the UK but my mum is from here and that's how I can live here. In the US, I worked in business development and sales for about 8 years before I returned to take another degree. This will be 2 now. I am still single and have been on so many first dates that I can't even count them. It is me who does not want the second date, not the men. I just see red flags and am out the door. Beach

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