venting....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
venting....
8
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 1:21pm
I just need to get something out. I had a friend, a really good friend. A male friend. We use to hang out and have a ton of fun together. I was attracted to him physically, or so i thought. He was never physically attracted to me and I knew that. But we were both lonely so we decided to go for it. It was horrible. The second my shirt was off it was over. I completely froze up. I have never been so non responsive in bed. So bumbling and friged. I just kind of blew it off with an "yeah, I'm embarassed because I suck in bed" type comment because all I wanted was for him to go away. So now I'm even more embarassed because he thinks I'm a dish rag in bed and I feel completely dirty. And I want nothing to do with him. I can still smell him and it's driving me nuts. Makes me sick to my stomach. I use to love that smell. I was so turned off physically and mentally. One of those things you wished would never have happend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
In reply to: lisas1925
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 1:23pm
Should have posted this in the "friends with benefits" discussion:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: lisas1925
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 2:56pm

You probably froze because you knew he wasn't attracted to you, so you felt self-concious. Don't critisize yourself so badly :) As a mental note for the the future though in any situation, regardless of this one, don't ever blame yourself when two people are involved. Meaning, he was there with you, too. He could have made you feel more accepted and made you feel beautiful regardless if it was casual. Have you ever thought of it that way? My point is, if you blame yourself, the other person will begin to believe it too. Even if it isn't the truth. Maybe he feels like he was bad too. Maybe you're both feeling wierd. Just move on and try to act like nothing happened. try to get it back to normal, that is, if you want it to be normal again.

KCole

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2005
In reply to: lisas1925
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 7:45pm

Kcole gave you some good advice. Sounds like you became self-conscious. Don't be so hard on yourself. And he could have made you feel more relaxed. I guess this is just another one of those experiences you learn from and then move on from. Hang in there!!

Veena :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
In reply to: lisas1925
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 9:20am
I just want to hug you two:) Thanks so much. You're both right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: lisas1925
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 10:56pm
I think you should talk to him about it.
Just tell him you were really turned off in bed and did not want to lose his friendship so you froze.
It will make you feel better if you talk openly about it and try to crack some jokes about different thoughts that went through your mind when you were in bed :~)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
In reply to: lisas1925
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 1:57pm
I was thinking about that. I would really like to be able to discuss it with him insead of avoiding him. But how do I do that? "I've been avoiding being in the same general place as you lately because the other night was a mistake and I regret it down to the very core of my being. I shudder at the thought of being in a private space with you and never want you back in my house." Maybe that's a little harsh. Maybe I DO need to avoid him for a bit, keep myself busy with other things. It's odd if we don't see each other at least twice a week. We're suppose to be friends, and I'm very open and honest with him about EVERYTHING but this. I keep thinking, maybe I'll just get over it. Made a mistake, move on, but it's all still so fresh in my mind. And we still talk every day, I just don't bring it up. And he acts like NOTHING about it bothers him. I also don't want this to ruin a friendship, and at the same time I'm questioning if there ever was one there... but I'm only saying that because I feel so crappy:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: lisas1925
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 2:31pm
Hmmm...... Maybe he didn't think it was all that bad and doesn't feel as awkward as you. Maybe you feel bad about sleeping with him, so you're feeling it was horrible altogether, when it really wasn't. Especally for him?? I love trying to disect human behavior :) Do whatever feels best for you and it will work itself out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: lisas1925
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 2:45pm

>I was attracted to him physically, or so i thought

Can you expand on this? Do you think your reaction has something to do with the fact that he wasn't as attractive as you thought? That's the impression I get. I found myself in a similar situation with a woman I worked with and it was humiliating. I didn't find her attractive once I saw her naked and needless to say "it" didn't happen. It was difficult being her friend after that.