venting about my X n moving on

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
venting about my X n moving on
4
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 1:58pm
I've been broken up with my X for a couple months now. We stayed as friends to just smooth things out to make sure there was no real bitterness, although that took a lot b/c he betrayed me (long story). I have just realized I don't want him calling me or anything because talking to him reminds me of a nasty, bitter and weak mindset I dont want to be in. It reminds me of the person I used to be who took his treatment. I allowed myself to be a doormat for him. I need to move on to new things in my life which I totally have and he is invading my new life. I hadn't talked to him in about a week but even then it was only a quick convo where he said he'd call me right back, but then he didn't. A week passed and he called me a couple days ago. I was surprised b/c I thought that he just sorta dropped off which would have been a good thing. He said hi and asked if it was a good time to talk ...I just said I was busy and I would call him later. I didn't intend to. Talking to him gets me all depressed. The farthest he is out of my mind the better. I cried again yesterday thinking of the garbage that happened between he and I (I was only upset with myself for putting up with garbage treatment, not b/c I care about him). I think it's good enough that we are on peaceful terms, but I dont want him to call me anymore. I can't be his everyday friend. I dont want there to be a confrontation about not calling though. I just need it to drop away. He had such a hold on me for two years and I am finally at a good place mentally where I dont want him back. At the same time friendship isnt worth it to me b/c of the kind of person he is. I don't care about him, I just need him to stay away from me now that I have moved on.
Do you guys think I should tell him straight up I dont think we should talk? I really *dont* want to do that. I'd rather just let it drift off like it seems to be over the last few weeks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 2:24pm

Having been there myself, I 100% believe that no contact is the best way to get over a long-term ex. It helps you learn how to be on your own and be YOU in your own right, without hanging onto that connection that you yourself say was "nasty and bitter."

It's best to not return his phone calls, e-mails, etc. He should get the hint. If he doesn't, then you need to tell him that it's best for you if he he stops contacting you for now.

Good luck, hon. I know a breakup is so hard, but it sounds like you have a healthy outlook and you will get through this just fine.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:25pm
I agree with tallgirl 100%. If he continues to contact you, tell him you don't want any more communication with him and then stick to it. It's that second part us girls seem to have a hard time sticking to. It really is the only way to move on and get some perspective.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 9:18am
You're right...no contact is the best. I'll definitely not answer if I see it's him calling. There's no reason I should ever hear his voice again. I'm the kind of perso who has a hard time letting things go (referring to friendship with him) but I know it's just not the same as a friendship with a person I have never been in a relationship with. This is too complicated and I need to simplify my life. I'm sure he will be fine not hearing back from me. I dont think he cares really...Im pretty sure he calls because he is bored and wants to be entertained. He doesnt really care about me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 9:20am
I agree...I need to completely move on and get more perspective about my new life.
thanks!