Venting my frustrations

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Venting my frustrations
67
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 2:28pm

First, I have to say that I really think most men have got to be really moronic or something.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 2:40pm

I'm feeling your pain. I'm home today too. Life seems to be crapping on my head on a regular basis lately. Not only did I JUST get over a horrible sinus infection, but on this my only weekend off in about a month, I get food poisoning. Sick in bed all weekend. I'm home today still getting over it. Life is wonderful.

And because I'm bored, I've been online... and I had to comment on this...

>First, I have to say that I really think most men have got to be really moronic or something. I am a reasonably attractive woman, I have my crap together, I'm educated, not whiney or bitchy, yet I still get rejected by pretty much all of the men I show interest in. That didn't used to happen, back when I was young. Now, I think they all just must think they're entitled to something unattainable. What in the heck are they looking for if I'm not good enough to at least TRY to get to know? It's not me. I've come to the conclusion that it is not me that is the problem. I've done the things that I know will make me happy- educated myself, lived on my own, I take care of my appearance- it's not me. These men just don't get it.<

I got on CraigsList out of curiosity. Looked at Men for Women. Saw this one ad by this guy - 38, SWM for SWF. He says something like "i like beer and stuff and sports and i'm looking for a girl must not be ugly no pix no reply." (Of course, it didn't say exactly that... but the "ugly" comment was loud and clear.)

And then I looked at HIS photo. WOOOOOOO!!!! THAT's the pot calling the kettle black!!

And I thought the same thing as you... "Where do you get off, buddy? Have you checked your reflection lately?" LOL!!

Honestly some of these guys amaze me. And I wonder where this sense of "entitlement" ever came from?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 2:49pm

It's the little things that accumulate and before you know it, you feel overwhelmed, isn't that always the way? I have no great advice for you, just that I can relate to your feelings of frustration. I just went on my lunch break (I work in an office..but going for teaching..just took my first of 3 tests)...so anyway, sometimes on my lunch break, I try to get some errands out of the way. I went to the grocery store. All I needed was garbage bags and cat food. I swear, the woman in front of me was buying the entire store...must have had 120 items. I got frustrated with her. I know, not her fault at all...she's just shopping, of course has every right to. Maybe it's me, but if I see someone on line with a few items and me with a whole cart full, I let them ahead of me. But no.

Add to that the fact that I just had a big argument with my boss, about how I lack focus lately, he's not happy with me lately, I take longer lunch breaks than I'm supposed to.

I have a birthday coming up soon too, not a prospect for a man even in sight. I know what you mean, how you've come to the conclusion it's not YOU, it's THEM. I have a lot to offer in a relationship, no baggage (ok, 2 cats)...take care of my appearance, interesting, fun to hang out with, smart, have a job...but none of that is enough for them. I'm eternally dateless.

So, I just wanted to say I feel your pain...nothing seems to be too easy lately. I have kind of adopted an attitude of indifference.

Well, anyway, what projects are you working on? Do you like to read?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 3:19pm

Shy, have you ever considered moving? Did you say that as it is, your mom lives about two or three hours away? Are there any interesting cities around that same driving distance? Would you ever consider moving even further away from her?

I know how you feel, seriously. I had to struggle to keep myself busy this weekend. I just worked on art projects, spent some time with family, surfed the web a lot. I only have a handful of friends. My best girlfriend lives in Texas. Other than herself, I only have a couple of girlfriends whom I speak to on a semi regular basis and quite honestly, I feel the same way about them as you described here. One of them is preggers with her second child so, we don't have a lot in common anymore. The other, I love, I do, but for some reason our friendship has always had this underlying strain. I have some bachelor friends, but they are guys. I always have to initiate get togethers. When they hear from me, they always seem happy but months will go by sometimes without my hearing from them; it gets old. I'm not complaining, I guess I'm lucky to have any friends. Yet, I still get lonely at times; we all do, I think.

I'm not going to try to blow sunshine up anyones bum, forgive the expression. Things change as you get older. Your pool of friends is not as deep, your body is changing, energy levels fluctuate. Also, I think with being single one sometimes has a little bit more time on their hands in stark comparison to their married friends or friends with children or demanding careers which, can sometimes be like having a child. It's not an easy lifestyle, but neither is being married or being a single parent.

Did you ever get that new camera? I get a lot of enjoyment from photography. On boring days, I'll hop in my car and drive around until I find something interesting. This can expend hours at a time. By the time I get back home, load them up, crop them, etc, sometimes half a day is gone! I rarely even share them. It's a hobby solely for me.

I'm considering taking up painting, too. I was in Michael's over the weekend. I had always thought it was an expensive hobby, but they had some decent sized canvas, like, 8 x 10 sized, 3 or 4 to a pack for around $4. I suppose where the money comes in is building up your paint and brush collection, but even that can be relatively inexpensive.

Have you thought anymore about getting a dog? They can be a handful at times but they can also be a wonderful source of love and affection, they're loyal; very rewarding.

You probably don't care to hear "get a puppy" or "take up a new hobby" and that's understandable. I just thought I'd share some of my experiences with you.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 3:26pm

My frustration with the grocery store is that there's the express lane and the buying-the-whole-store lane, but nothing in between.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 3:32pm

<<< "Summers off" may SEEM like a wonderful thing to most of you,>>>

I've often considered going into teaching so I can have summers off to horse show.

If it paid better, I would.

Of course, my son told me "that is SUCH the wrong reason to be a teacher".


Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 3:51pm

I've moved three times in the past 12 years to places where I knew no one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 3:55pm

Well . . .I lost a 6 figure job . . starting over, work 6 days a week, filling for chapter 7, have no time or money at the moment . . . . . but no "real" problems really. LOL Had to join the wine fest. (-:

As for men . . . It's not you. Just to many silly men out there who want a bimbo. Probably all they are equipped to handle. Plenty of "us men" prefer a bright self reliant woman. You are far more interesting to be around, far lower maintenance, far more stable . . . less drama . . .and frankly are better lovers. A dose of honest confidence can be a wonderful thing.

Just sounds like a case of the summer blues. And . . I have to ask, you have asked these men out and they said no? Details . . .(-: What idiots. (-: That NEVER happens to me, I would find that extremely flattering. Maybe to them they saw desperate . .. wrong guys . . . they way I see it, if that were me . . huge brownie points right out of the gate for courage and the excellent taste shown picking me. (-:

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 4:03pm

>>What in the heck are they looking for if I'm not good enough to at least TRY to get to know? <<

I feel that way for you, me and everyone who has to date in this modern world. People's attention spans have shriveled to almost nil and it's a miracle anyone ever gets together anymore. People want instant bliss, and they are not willing to put in the work it takes to get to know someone and maybe have a real connection happen as things progress.

Personally, with all the people I have ever dated and/or loved, it didn't happen in a burst of fireworks. It happened slowly, and it was wonderful. I think everyone nowadays expects the stupid fireworks.

The thing with the fireworks is they erupt in a spectacular show in a matter of minutes and then fizzle to nothing.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 4:41pm

>>38, SWM for SWF. He says something like "i like beer and stuff and sports and i'm looking for a girl must not be ugly no pix no reply." (Of course, it didn't say exactly that... but the "ugly" comment was loud and clear.) And then I looked at HIS photo. WOOOOOOO!!!! THAT's the pot calling the kettle black!!

Well that's why he's 38 and single. And looking on craigslist (online dating is fine, craigslist creeps me out). He's a loser and has some dream of hooking some buxom blonde (or brunette!) and it's flat out NOT going to happen.

As for it not happening when you're younger, like I've said before, I'm 22, cute (and am told that by nearly every guy I know), friendly, I love sports, I'm laid back, NOT bitchy, am kind of scraping by at this point but have a job/am independent (no short order for a 22 year old in Boston), intelligent, whatever....yet almost every guy I date ends up going for someone else. And THEN coming back later telling me that I was real and genuine and that they wanted to date me again. Uhh, no thanks. The latest's new girl calls herself "Heiress" on her profile and quotes herself. By name. Ooh, right, and she also wouldn't admit to being in a relationship until a while after he did. ::eye roll::

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 4:46pm

Painting's actually not that expensive, especially after you buy the initial load...I took an art class a year or two ago and the only reason I spent so much was because we worked in nearly EVERY media. If you enjoy it, it can be very therapeutic.

You could also get a part-time job. Not only could it give you a little extra money, but you'd have something to keep occupied, preferably something you WANT to do. You could even start something yourself, I'm an animal lover and always thought it'd be fun to start a little dog-walking business on the side. :) More to hang out with the dogs than anything else. You could audit a class at a university if there are any nearby. Anyway, I guess the point is to figure out something you like to do and use that to fill up the time. I'd love the extra time off, but I live in a city, first of all, and have so many things I want to do but don't because I just don't have the time. I've been keen on taking tennis lessons lately, too...

Good luck. :)

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