Venting my frustrations
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Venting my frustrations
| Mon, 06-11-2007 - 2:28pm |
First, I have to say that I really think most men have got to be really moronic or something.
| Mon, 06-11-2007 - 2:28pm |
First, I have to say that I really think most men have got to be really moronic or something.
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When I read the words "You are part of the problem Mark" then I interpret as an attack to me not you defending you.
So what I said was "What I want from a woman is her wanting me as much as I want her and showing it. Of course we could be perfectly matched but off with the timing. Or we are both ready for a relationship and the chemistry is not there. Or our incomes, geographic distance, communication styles, Myers-Briggs personalities, lifestyles, height, weight, are not there ..."
So you are disagreeing with what I want by saying that I'm part of the problem? How is that defending you? In fact I said, "I hear and FEEEEEL your frustration."
My request is you use the "I" word so that I won't perceive you as attacking me. Thanks.
Mark
>>>The thing with the fireworks is they erupt in a spectacular show in a matter of minutes and then fizzle to nothing.<<<
I feel that way too. It's refreshing to hear a woman say this. I feel like this is the problem I have trouble meeting girls. I feel like no girl is willing to give me the time to prove myself, to demonstrate that I'm a great guy, and that she expects to charm the pants off her and swoop her off her feet the first time I even talk to her.
I hear what everyone's saying, BUT on the other hand, I'm not going to try to force anything either. If I'm not at all (and I mean really not at all) attracted to someone, I don't see the point in dating them, quite honestly. Now if I am somewhat attracted to a man and go out with him once and have that iffy feeling, I'll definitely give him a while, depending on the situation, but I'm not just going to date anyone who asks.
I also know what Mark's saying in terms of wanting to date someone who's as interested in him as he is with her. THAT is what's been missing from my last few dating experiences and it's frustrating when a guy half-asses things while I feel myself liking them more and more. One of my flaws: I need to learn when to let go.
**** "What I want from a woman is her wanting me as much as I want her and showing it. . . .. . ." *****
Wow, missed a lot . . . I don't disagree with Mark. I think I understand what he is saying. Its not about "supporting an ego" be it hers or his . .. in is about "expressing" genuine expressions of your feelings for each other, be it anger, frustration or admiration. Although I do try to think and pay attention, my intuition is not always so good. Not what men are best at sometimes. To me it is worth a little risk and investment to express some VERY honestly with any relationship that matters, woman, friends, kids . . .. not always a warm and fussy feeling attached to it, just plain scary and difficult in fact, but sometimes it is warm and reassuring too.
The rest was an accurate reasoning why timing can effect something that might otherwise have worked. With all the change in my life, I am holding WAY back for a few months . . not the least of the reasons, it is a little unfair to any woman I meet right now until a clear picture begins to unfold of what my future will look like, and in turn what she is getting into . . nothing bad about me, but many women my age will care . . rightfully so.
Mark,
am I close?
I got the feeling this was more misunderstood than real reading it with so little knowledge of ether of you. . .touched on raw nerves you each feel. Just my ever so humble thoughts.
Somehow this did seem to side tract from cheering someone up some. (-:
You are right on point elwood. Thank you for jumping in clarifying.
I appreciate your awareness both in what I am trying to say but also wanting to support shywon.
Mark who is now more relieved about all of this now...
Always easier to look from the outside in.
I asked shyon if she had asked men out, and her accurate response was that most men would just play it for an ego boost. Same issue, honesty. That would be a incredibly "dishonest" thing to do.
Honesty . . .it requires exposure, charachater, convections in ones thoughts and values, compassion for others . . that all takes courage . .. hmm these words seem pretty positive when describing a quality person. (-: Sounds to me like in "general terms" at least, each of you value similar things. (-: The details just make someone right for you.
And it is the father in me, when reasonable people have a bad day and want to unload, I just hate to add to it. (-: My daughter always calls me "her voice of reason". So hope somewhere along the way shyon found a smile yesterday. Had it of been mine to give I gladly would have.
>Try going for the average guy; the shy guy in the corner who's too afraid to keep solid eye contact with you from across the room or to make the first move. Also, perhaps you're giving the impression that you want a serious relationship too soon. Try giving the impression that you just want to hook up at first, and MAYBE you'll let it grow into a relationship.<
Sweetie - let me clarify a few things for you...
I'm IN a relationship. I've been with the same guy for four years. I have sex on a regular basis. So I certainly don't need dating tips from a guy who has 1) never had a date; 2) has no social skills whatsoever; and 3) is seeking tips online on "how to pick up hot chicks for hot sex," and has been doing so, unsuccessfully apparently, for the past seven months.
I also wanted to say this: When I was 20, I guarantee you, YOU - being the self-proclaimed "Nice Guy" that you SAY you are, who in your above paragraph just told me to "give the nice guy in the corner a chance" - would have NEVER deemed ME worthy of a second glance. YOU would have looked in the other direction to one of the dingy bims you now complain about who ignores you and tells you when you approach her, "It ain't gonna happen."
*I* do not date guys with the most friends, guys with the most money, guys with the nicest car. I never WANTED to date said men because I don't need to *prove* anything to anyone. I had then, and still have, MORE IMPORTANT things to do than to worry excessively of what the world must think of me if I'm not invited to the most popular kids' parties, wearing the most popular clothes, etc. YOU, however, present yourself as the type of guy whose EGO is so tissue-paper thin that you must, must, must PROVE to yourself and the world that you are important and manly, because underneath it all, you're terrified that the world might find out how deeply insecure and AFRAID and impoverished in spirit you really are.
So before you think about trying to give ME dating tips, why don't you take your OWN advice and give a NICE girl a chance - who may not be the most attractive, who may NOT be cheerleader material, who may NOT be the trophy bimbo you want to have on your arm to prove what a stud you are. And when you've done that, THEN you can stand up on your little soap box and give ME advice, Don Juan. Until then, I guess we'll be seeing you around for the next seven months or so while you keep going for those same dingy bims in the short skirts who give you excuses as to why they can't go out with your or tell you "It ain't gonna happen." Because what goes around comes around, "Mr. Nice Guy."
Cheers.
Mark and Elwood-
You're both reading way more deeply into me than what I intended.
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