Waiting for the phone to ring...

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Waiting for the phone to ring...
Fri, 10-18-2013 - 7:34am

Can there be anything worse? I'm a believer in letting the man pursue me in the beginning, but that has been sorely tested this week. I've really examined my situation from many different angles, talked to four girlfriends about it, but have come out the other side with the same conclusion: let him make the call. 

Oh, the anguish! All the self doubt: did I act interested enough? Did this-or-that turn him off? And of course: Is he seeing someone else? Oh, the list goes on, the arguments become more and more circular. The fact is, I don't  think you'll really mess things up by calling a guy who hasn't called you after a date if he's truly attracted. I always like to think it's already decided, that the river flows, and you can jump in the water and splash around all you want, but the outcome will most likely be the same.

I ran across a good online article (oh, yes, I read a few, you know me) and I thought this was good by Debi Berndt:
When you feel the need to pursue, ask yourself why? Why wouldn’t he be banging down your door to see you again if you had such a great connection? Why would you settle for anything less? Choose to believe that you are the prize. You should never have to wonder how he feels about you. A healthy partner won’t hide or play games, he will be a grown man who knows when he has a good thing and will let you know with consistent communication.

But it's d--mned hard when you feel you have a connection with someone. But I have to remember: just because I feel a connection doesn't mean he does. And it doesn't mean there's a thing in the world wrong with me or anything I did or didn't do. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 12:00am

Don't you have to wonder what all the single men over 50 do in their spare time (besides golf?)  I mean you don't play golf at night.  I imagine a lot of them are just happy to stay home & watch sports or movies on TV by themselves and not make the effort to go out.  There are a certain no. of men who I see at ballroom dancing--not everyone likes doing that but at least these guys have a hobby and they get out & meet people.  I belonged to a dining out meetup group too.  It was always way more women than men.  This wasn't a "singles" group--anyone could come.  It was always a question--why aren't more men here?  Don't men like going out to eat?  I do think a lot of times, that men's social things are really organized by women.  I know it was that way when I was married.  I was usually the one to look in the paper and find out if there were special events going on or to suggest things to do so I think that left to their own devices if men want to meet a woman, they will either do OLD or do the old standby of going to a bar or a dance or singles event.  I don't think a lot of them are really creative.

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 9:38am
Musiclover: I work with a widower who is 67. He is the busiest person I know. Apart from working 4 days most weeks, he is heavily involved in charity work. He writes a column for a local newspaper, and does the photography for it as well. He organizes an annual car rally. As part of his charity work, he arranges all the bands/music for the local Ribfest. He has gone on photo safaris to different countries, photographs weddings, looks after his grandchildren, and has loads of lady friends. (He is also a very, very nice man.) Once in a while, he goes out to a bar, usually for supper and to listen to a new band that's interested in performing at the Ribfest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 9:52am

I agree-most are not at all creative in finding things to do. Most either do OLD or sports bars like you said.  I figure they must all be at home watching TV, because I sure am not seeing many single men over 50 out in the world.  When I think about it, most of the men I know, married or single, are not good at creating a social life, and rarely take the initiative to find things to do and places to go. I can always find something interesting to do and will go on my own. Of course there are exceptions, but, in general, men will take the path of least resistance.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 10-20-2013 - 10:56am

Sometimes I want to throw all of the "rules" out the window and just do what my heart wants but my brain inevitably takes over.  This is when the second guessing/over analyzing starts happening.  It's worse when you feel like the person has a connection with you when you're together, but when you're apart, you rarely hear from them.  So confusing...ugh.  Good luck!