Wanting Relationship Grief
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| Wed, 11-29-2006 - 9:11pm |
Ok, tell me if anyone else has this problem: you mention how you'd like to find a good man and get into a serious relationship and what you get back is how being single is better, how you need to be happy with yourself first, how being in a relationship shouldn't define you, how everyone else is single and happy and basically a million and one reasons why you wanting a great relationship makes you lame and how you should focus on other things.
That is all I get. Its to the point where I can't talk about it with anyone anymore for fear that they will judge me as weak and lacking. Apparently, I should be happy single and forget about it. Easy said than done.
Since when has it become so unpopular to want love? Why has it gone out of style? Are we suppose to be so independent these days that desiring love and affection makes you an automatic loser?

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Who are you talking to? Maybe whoever you are talking to is just trying to be positive? What would you prefer to hear? I used to have a girlfriend who was obsessed with finding a man and settling down. That's where our conversations ALWAYS ended up. Now, she drove me crazy with this kind of talk. Do you bring it up often?
I would eventually like to find my soul mate. I think that's what the majority of us want. It's okay. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Edited 11/29/2006 9:55 pm ET by bbw_26
Apart from a miniscule number of single women who due to some anti-social/'introverted loner'/'unable to form personal relationships' etc etc personality traits are content to be alone, the rest of those who are single and claim to be 'happy with it' are just talking nonsense because not a lot of people would be prepared to admit that they are deeply unhappy and want something in life that is so far unatainable for them. I have said it many times before and I can say it again - it is not natural to not want to be a part of a couple. Being 'single and happy' is a myth created to make it easier for those women who are single and do not want to admit how hard it is for them. There is NOTHING better about being singe than being in a committed, satisfying, genuine and great relationship where the two people love, respect, admire and understand each other on all levels. All this 'I can do what I want/watch crap on tv/eat sweets in bed' is utter nonsense. Yes, being single is better than being in a crap relationship. But, being single is a non-life compared to being in a fantastic relationship. My honest opinion.
Julia,
Thanks for your comment, I totally agree with everything you said!
Well, I don't bring it up much anymore since most of my friends are "single and happy", I just belong to several online communities and message boards and the topic of how great single life often comes up with people posting all their great aspects of it and posting articles to back it up. I'm always the lone, unhappy single person, speaking up for the ones who are probably too afraid to speak up and I'm always made to feel as though my thinking and feelings are wrong.
Whatever!
Honestly, when I started this post last night, I'd just gotten home from a dismal 5-day business trip and I was feeling bitter because instead of coming home to someone missing me, wanting me, calling me or wanting to see me, I instead chugged a beer alone, like I do on so many nights. It just gets old so daggone quick and I get tired of people trying to justify to me why the single life is so swinging, happening and great.
After I'm done all my fabulous traveling and exciting single pursuits, I'd love to climb into bed next to the love of my life, keeping me warm, instead of tossing and turning in an empty cold bed, which is getting lumpy since I only sleep on one side.
Ok, rant over and sorry for yet another, miserable, single rant.
I promise to cut back in 2007. Or learn a better method of suppressing these feelings.
Thanks Julia, I totally and wholeheartedly agree. I just think for people who have never experienced such a love before, they can't quite understand what it is like to have had it and then have lost it.
I also wish my father were still alive and get really bummed about that. But nobody is trying to justify why my life is so great now that he is gone or how great I have it now that I'm fatherless.
But I guess to some people some wants are justified and relevant while others are stupid and self absorbed.
And I'm done!
I agree - it gets old. People are uncomfortable listening to other people's wants and sorrows, and frankly it's just easier to try to lift someone up by telling them they should be happy with what they have.
I believe that you CAN be happy with what you have, but still long for something. That fits me perfectly. I'm not moaning and groaning about my life - I love my life, but I still have a very deep and strong longing to find a partner. It should be ok to talk about that longing without people invalidating it by saying you shouldn't want it.
Fortunately, I have a few very close friends who get that, and let me talk about it. They validate me, and that helps a lot. Just to have someone say it's ok to want something and to listen to me when I say I'm lonely.
So, cl214, you can talk to us all you want about it. I, for one, will validate you because I think you and I are in a very similar boat.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Oh, yes, I get that.
What I'd been getting a lot of is focus on other areas of your life. Truefully, I've given that advice to. And you know what? I'm finishing my masters this week, I got a promotion on my day job, I just starting doing some modeling, voice work with a local DJ, writing a screenplay, short stories and other fiction, I've been learning to cook, playing around with new home decorating ideas, plants, looking into learning Italian, traveling, getting into a new workout regimen, eating better, collecting original art and networking all over the place to make new friends and try new things.
Do I need more focus on other things? More hobbies? More friends? How many more distractions before the want totally goes away? 50? 75? Cause if that is all it takes, then I just need a ballpark on how preoccupied the other aspects of my life should be and then everything will be just fine.
(sorry for all the ranting lately, I've just been livid for about 5 days straight and I'm still not sleeping at night this week)
Oh, yeah, I LOVE the "fill your life with other things" or "focus on other things" suggestions.
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Bull excrement.
Many, if not most of us with that outlook are actually capable of having happy, fulfilling lives. If a relationship happens, great, if not, that's fine too.
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Of course it is. Permanent/long term coupling is due to social engineering, not biological function.
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Wow. Wrong again. Being single and happy is far easier than the hard work of couple-dom.
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Talk about your myths.
Seems to me that people who have such a negative attitude towards happily single people are just jealous of the self confidence and self fulfillment we exude.
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