Wanting Relationship Grief
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| Wed, 11-29-2006 - 9:11pm |
Ok, tell me if anyone else has this problem: you mention how you'd like to find a good man and get into a serious relationship and what you get back is how being single is better, how you need to be happy with yourself first, how being in a relationship shouldn't define you, how everyone else is single and happy and basically a million and one reasons why you wanting a great relationship makes you lame and how you should focus on other things.
That is all I get. Its to the point where I can't talk about it with anyone anymore for fear that they will judge me as weak and lacking. Apparently, I should be happy single and forget about it. Easy said than done.
Since when has it become so unpopular to want love? Why has it gone out of style? Are we suppose to be so independent these days that desiring love and affection makes you an automatic loser?

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I can't tell you how much I can sympathize with your predicament, since I'm in the exact same one. I relate to everything you're going through, point for point. To add insult to injury, I have severe clinical depression and anxiety disorder. I'm on medication and see a therapist, but even that hasn't been able to stifle my overwhelming desire to have a loving relationship.
I am lucky enough to have a fairly supportive family, who I am still living with (I'm 26 and in college). My mother's side of the family has multiple cases of depression, so I know it's hereditary and she's dealt with it, so she's the most supportive. My dad doesn't get it tho, and neither do my two younger sisters.
Like a lot of these girls, I've also hard all the platitudes ("It'll come when you're not looking") and so-called solutions ("distract yourself", "get a dog") and yet it's like they don't understand that distractions and animals don't take the place of a human relationship, and when you want one so bad, when are you NOT looking?
What gets me so badly is that it seems like EVERYONE is coupled up, and, in my opinion, and this is pointed towards no particular person, all the men are taken up by women who I feel just aren't as "qualified" as I am. I'm pretty, I'm smart, I'm talented, I'm interesting, I love to cook, I like to try new things, I have a lot of interests that guys also are interested in (sports, computers, video games, etc), and in some ways it sounds like I'm bragging about it all.... and yet still it seems like no man is interested in me. Really, it seems the only things that are "wrong" with me are that I'm zaftig and my depression.
But whenever I get a lull in my distractions, or when I see a hot guy with some girlk all over him, or read in a magazine about coupledom (Cosmo, I'm looking at you. I love you, but you need more articles on FINDING a man and less on being a couple), I start to cry and wonder what's wrong with me and why I'm so unloveable. It really gets to me sometimes.
I actually started a very similar thread to this on another board. I am happy with every aspect of my life except that I am single and that's okay with me! I have had tons of well meaning people tell me how lucky I am to be able to come and go as I please and watch whatever I want on TV, but as I said in my other post, all of those things pale in comparison to getting married and getting pregnant and having a family. Anyway, glad to know I'm not alone with admitting I am not happy with singlehood!
YG
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
I firmly believe that women who claim to be perfectly happy leading their 'complete fulfilling and fabulous' lives lack the 'wanting to be part of a couple' gene, or have some kind of loner/anti-social tendencies. I absolutely agree with you: there can be NO such thing as a complete fulfilling and fabulous life without a partner, no matter how many great friends and relative you have, how amazing and rewarding your job or how lovely your house and/or your car. All those wonderful things are only wonderful if you have a committed loving partner to SHARE them with. I too absolutely agree that about 90% (if not more) of women of our age (36 too, *wink*) would agree with us. Come on, let's be realistic here. Women were not put on this planet to make money for companies and purchase property; after 30, you don't want to party and have girls' nights and endless gatherings with great friends; whilst all those things definitely do have a place in a woman's life, there are an ADDITION to a serious, committed and loving relationship with a great partner. End of story.
>>>Come on, let's be realistic here. Women were not put on this planet to make money for companies and purchase property;
WTF??
Edited 12/12/2006 8:17 am ET by bpang70
Here's the thing.
Totally agree here.
To each his own. While I'd rather have a partner to share my life I do realize that some do not feel this way and that is fine. There is no need to try and convince anyone that how you feel is how everyone SHOULD feel because that is absurd.
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