Wanting Relationship Grief
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| Wed, 11-29-2006 - 9:11pm |
Ok, tell me if anyone else has this problem: you mention how you'd like to find a good man and get into a serious relationship and what you get back is how being single is better, how you need to be happy with yourself first, how being in a relationship shouldn't define you, how everyone else is single and happy and basically a million and one reasons why you wanting a great relationship makes you lame and how you should focus on other things.
That is all I get. Its to the point where I can't talk about it with anyone anymore for fear that they will judge me as weak and lacking. Apparently, I should be happy single and forget about it. Easy said than done.
Since when has it become so unpopular to want love? Why has it gone out of style? Are we suppose to be so independent these days that desiring love and affection makes you an automatic loser?

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I totally disagree. Why does it have to be one or the other???
If you are happier paired up great but it doesn't mean someone cannot live a fablulous life single.
Edited 12/12/2006 1:29 pm ET by lovinhockey17
Smile,
Deirdre
I empathize with everyone here who's single and do not wish to be single. But why whine and complain about something that may never change? Why not focus on things that make you happy?
Like it or not, men can smell desperation on women. They see it and smell it and sense when we're not happy within ourselves. (Which in most cases is a MAJOR TURN OFF for most men.) They will either run for the hills from you or use you until you're all used up.)The same way we're blessed with women's intuition, they're blessed with that sense as well.
I don't think women should whine and get all bent out of shape because they're single. Whining and complaining about it will not change a thing. If it's meant to happen, it will. There isn't a thing you can do to stop something from happening that's meant to happen.
Edited 12/12/2006 1:37 pm ET by ivil_mami25
Edited 12/12/2006 1:41 pm ET by ivil_mami25
<<>>>
I wouldn't go so far as calling people loners or unable to form personal relationships because they are content in being single. I am pretty content in my everyday life and form personal relationships all the time and have previously been married and have many friendships and a loving relationships with my family so I don't count myself a loner at all far from it. lol
<<>>
This is only your opinion. My life is a life. It's not a NON-Life. It's a very much a happy life, I go to work, I spend time with my family, my friends, I laugh daily, I even have sex. It most definitely isn't a "Non-life" calling it such is more of a slap in the face than anything I could ever say to anyone else. I think it's quite insulting what you wrote here. While I think it's fine that you want a relationship and you think having a relationship is the end all be all for life, saying that being single is a non-life is QUITE insulting. Because just because I am single, doesn't mean my life is meaningless and is a non life to me.
Smile,
Deirdre
Thank you.
I read that post and my eyes about popped out of my head.
I mean, it would be really easy to be insulting right back by saying women who can't be happy single are needy, insecure, desparate throwbacks to the 50's.
But we all know that's not true.
And as for the whole "non-life" thing...well, let's just say that those of us who are able to LIVE...not merely exist...not wait around for a partner....well..who's got the life and who's got the non-life?
<<<<"Stop looking and it will come to you."
"It will happen when you least expect it.">>>
Oh my gosh Stacey those are the most annoying phrases aren't they????
Smile,
Deirdre
"I empathize with everyone here who's single and do not wish to be single. But why whine and complain about something that may never change? Why not focus on things that make you happy?....I don't think women should whine and get all bent out of shape because they're single. Whining and complaining about it will not change a thing. If it's meant to happen, it will. There isn't a thing you can do to stop something from happening that's meant to happen."
Wow, this thread just keeps on going, doesn't it?
To ivil_mami25, you do NOT empathize with people here who are single and unhappy about it. If you did, you would allow us to "whine and complain" or vent our frustrations as I refer to it and wouldn't offer the weak 'throw on a Band Aid' solution on it invalidating our feelings. I don't expect you to understand what it must be like to feel saddened or angry about something you can't control since this is obviously not your problem. So if you don't want to read the pathetic whining and complaining about the woes of single life, please disregard every single thread I create. Because threads I start are specifically for people to share, vent and commiserate their own feelings or frustrations on single life and SOMETIMES THAT MAY INCLUDE WHINING AND COMPLAINING!
I am glad you have the sensibility to completely disregard or throw away any negative feelings you may have that you have no control over but some people cannot and seek support in being able to talk to someone else about how they feel.
Focusing on things that make me happy does make me happy...with THAT area of life. And for the one area I'm not happy with, I guess I'm supposed to suppress those feelings way deep down inside and pretend it's not there, right?
Good thing I'm NOT taking that advice.
I agree.
You do not have to suppress your feelings at all cl214.
Smile,
Deirdre
Wow!
You missed the whole point of my post. I don't know why you took offense to what I was trying to say. My point was, if you're not happy within yourself, then NO man will be attracted to you. It's a given fact.
And for the record, I DO empathize with how you feel because I was there myself. You can't presume to tell me how I feel!!! This is my opinion towards the subject and I have every right to say how I feel. Do you have to agree with it? No, just like I do not have to agree with your opinions either.
And I'm not telling you to suppress your feelings about being single. They're your feelings. I'm just saying by complaining about your state of being isn't going to make anything change any quicker.
And for the most part, when you're not happy or should I say, not accepting of being a single person, you're liable to draw in the wrong kind of man that will use you or worse! I know what I'm talking about because I speak from experience. Now you and others may not agree with what I have to say, but I do have the right to say my peace just as you do.
Wow!
Edited 12/12/2006 3:13 pm ET by ivil_mami25
I have to disagree. I am 34 and I think, if what you say is true, then that is very, very sad. I do get lonely sometimes, even get jealous of coupled friends and family but the grass always seems greener on the other side. I know for a fact that they look at me with the same amount of envy, at times. They've admitted it to me.
I certainly do not fault a woman for the way she may feel about being single. People are not created equal. We are each different in many, many ways. You should be able to respect the sentiment that there are women who can be happily single just as I can respect the way you feel.
If you feel that YOU need a partner in order to be complete, I believe you and have no reason to judge. However, I do think that there are plenty of single women out there, of all ages and backgrounds, who are perfectly content and fulfilled. The belief that they are misrepresenting themselves if they say that they are happy, in my opinion, is offensive to me as a woman.
We should celebrate our differences, not discredit them.
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