Wanting Relationship Grief

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wanting Relationship Grief
103
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 9:11pm

Ok, tell me if anyone else has this problem: you mention how you'd like to find a good man and get into a serious relationship and what you get back is how being single is better, how you need to be happy with yourself first, how being in a relationship shouldn't define you, how everyone else is single and happy and basically a million and one reasons why you wanting a great relationship makes you lame and how you should focus on other things.

That is all I get. Its to the point where I can't talk about it with anyone anymore for fear that they will judge me as weak and lacking. Apparently, I should be happy single and forget about it. Easy said than done.

Since when has it become so unpopular to want love? Why has it gone out of style? Are we suppose to be so independent these days that desiring love and affection makes you an automatic loser?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 5:30pm
I'm not trying to 'win' an arguement or get you to change your mind. Just make you understand that slapping a Band Aid on things doesn't make them go away and that people have a right to complain about their woes if they want to. I was actualy trying to get you to better understand how these things don't help certain people. There is no arguement to be won here.

That is really all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 5:43pm
Ok, I'm not going to side with either person here and I understand where each of you cl214 and ivil mami are coming from in your arguments just wanted to express my thoughts. There is a difference I think from being miserable about being single and just wanting to vent sometimes. I believe we all need and want to vent even though we know that we can't change the situation and snap our fingers and meet the one. I think this is the reason why we need to vent is because we CANT control a situation as such and if it's important to us it's hard to accept sometimes. I think ivil mami that you are refering to accepting the situation as it is overall and trying your best not to feel too down and sad about it BUT we are all human and we all will feel sad about it sometimes. It's just the degree that we feel this sadness that we should control. I was having a really difficult time with being single too before I got into my relationship. But I was trying to pray and do my best to allow my higherpower to take away the sadness and obsession over finding the right one. It was really hard for me. I guess when you have that fear that it will never happen it kind of overtakes you sometimes. When you lose the faith and hope you become sad and miserable and to me that was happening. I realized it and was trying my best to help it. I think I did overdo the venting sometimes but I was fully aware of it and I think I just needed to get the frustrations out and into the open which helped me. But there was a time that I needed to stop and think and focus on other things and I was trying my best to do that although really tough for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 10:31pm
I know exactly how you feel and I so agree with you. I have been single for awhile and I know who I am, I enjoy some time by myself, I do what and when and how I please and that part is great - but - I miss having someone in my life. A partner to talk to, to be with, to go places with - what's wrong with that??? I miss having someone's arms around me, hold my hand, look into my eyes with emotion and love.... I don't think that means there is something wrong with me, just someone missing in my life to share it with. I'm not needy, and far from it. I'd like to know where are the best places to meet a nice guy. No guarantee, but could he come without baggage and issues???
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:28am

And i will repeat once again: i PERSONALLY do not understand and will never understand how a single life for a woman of my age (36) can ever be *fabulous*, *complete*, *fulfilling* or whatever you want to call it. And i just DONT believe women my age who say it can. This is my firm personal opinion based on long years of experience which i will not change no matter how many *i totally disagree* replies i will get to this one.
Rocklady
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:36am
There is NOTHING sad AT ALL in having lived your life up to the age of 36 and having come to the conclusion that single life was never, is NOT, and will never be for me. And i sure and by all means respect other people´s attitudes regarding this *neverending* subject.
Rocklady.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 5:31am

'..single life was never, is NOT, and will never be for me.'. Couldn't have said it better myself. That kind of sums up perfectly the way I feel about the subject. I was half-dead when single (despite friends, famly, work, drinks, meals out and various other distractions) and came alive when I met my bf. End of story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 6:23am

Thank goodness everyone doesn't live life the same way, how boring life would be.

Well I will continue to take people at their word and not assume they are lying just because they don't agree with me. There are many different people in the world with different lifestyles, different experiences, different childhoods, different goals that shape their future and just because they aren't MY goals doesn't make them wrong. Not every woman and every man's goals are the same.




Edited 12/13/2006 8:37 am ET by lovinhockey17

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 8:35am

And because you don't understand it, it can't be so.

Riiiiiight.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 9:07am
Wrooooong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 9:32am

<<>>

Then please do clarify what you meant by the above?

You're saying either that women who say it can are liars or that because you don't believe it, it can't be so.

Which is it?


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