Wanting Relationship Grief

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wanting Relationship Grief
103
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 9:11pm

Ok, tell me if anyone else has this problem: you mention how you'd like to find a good man and get into a serious relationship and what you get back is how being single is better, how you need to be happy with yourself first, how being in a relationship shouldn't define you, how everyone else is single and happy and basically a million and one reasons why you wanting a great relationship makes you lame and how you should focus on other things.

That is all I get. Its to the point where I can't talk about it with anyone anymore for fear that they will judge me as weak and lacking. Apparently, I should be happy single and forget about it. Easy said than done.

Since when has it become so unpopular to want love? Why has it gone out of style? Are we suppose to be so independent these days that desiring love and affection makes you an automatic loser?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 11:16am
I'm actually wondering the same questions to the same poster. I'm thinking that she means she can't imagine how someone can be that way because she is definately not but I'm not sure either what was meant by that statement. I believe that there are women out there that are truley happy regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not and you are one of them as you posted. I think this is great because it means you have peace within yourself regardless of your situation in life. Because as we all know life hands out challenges consistently and if you can find peace regardless of anything and role with the punches with or without a partner I think this is awesome. I admit I'm not that way and do need a relationship to be fully happy but I'm not however "half dead" like another poster mentioned when I'm single either. I'm just not as happy as I could be and i worry too much about dating and finding that one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 11:53am

I don't know - maybe I didn't express myself well originally.

I do love being in a relationship. I love the intimacy, the friendship, yeah, the sex - all of it...but I'm not "less than" if I'm not in a relationship...I don't *need* a man to be complete or have a fabulous life...when I do have an SO, he ADDS to that fabulousness, but not having one doesn't detract from that fabulousness.

I think that's even more garbled than my original thoughts. LOL


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 12:15pm
Thanks for clarifying, that is wondeful that you are like that. That's a very healthy way to be. I've tried to get to that point but it has been very challenging for me to get there. I can SAY all I want that I am happy without a relationship and that one ADDS to my life but in reality I never really have quite gotten to that point but was working my way towards that then I met the wonderful man that I'm with now who truley does add to my life and I'm glad I didn't settle for anything less. It took a lot of trials and errors and dating disappointments but I found someone worth my while.
If you are that way it is definately a blessing and you are very lucky because a lot of women aren't and it's so cool to hear of those that are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 1:14pm

I likebeing single, but missing the marriage life as well. What do you do?

http://thebusinesssuccessgroup.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 1:19pm
Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not missing married life. I'd just love to be in a loving relationship. Not trying to give up my place or personal space yet. I'm in marketing/publishing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:09pm

Yes, very!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 6:01pm

sorry I mistakenly posted this under a different thread..

I too feel the state of union is the norm rather than an abberance. So wanting to be in a RS is perfectly normal. It's not a luxury, not a sign of weakness, and definately not abnormal. I too have wanted to be in a RS for the longest time (try 10 years) and at this time pretty much hopeless about it all. For the past 10 yrs my desire waxes and wanes but over all, it has not gone away. It can't go away. Suppressing it only works for a short time. It's gotten to the point where I just don't want to watch almost all romantic movies (w/ the exception of very few), or movies about happily married people having children. I would go through crying spells and I'm going through one now. Sometimes on the verge of tears when I see a happy couple. I'm from a culture where that is highly valued and at gatherings, espcially reminded of the fact that I'm still unpaired.

I've desensitized myself to V day, diamond rings, and that sort of things so that's progress. I have a great education, a great career but I think the common link is the emotional emptiness. I don't have much emotional connection with my family although they care about me. I have a couple of friends to talk to. Off and on I find things to do to distract me but overall that baseline desire is always there and does not go away.

I see the value of trying to do the best with your situation b/c you can't put your life on hold while waiting b/c it may never happen but God, wouldn't it be nice if it would just happen.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 9:23pm
That's very open minded of you. I wish some other's posting here could understand that . . . just because it suits you, doesn't mean it suits everyone. Different strokes people.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 9:30pm
I don't mean to throw pity in your direction, I'm sure that you don't need it. Your post just hit a nerve, I guess. Just sending some hugs your way : )
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 9:38pm

"you're not happy within yourself, then NO man will be attracted to you."


This is not necessarily true.

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