Was it a dis or resonable?
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 10-19-2005 - 7:20pm |
I've been on a number of dates (6) with this girl who stays about 3 hours away. This has been over a long period of time, about a year. She has come to visit me once (stayed over night) but we usually meet in cities in between. I've never been to her city or needless to say stayed at her place. Now to my question. I went to visit her in a city close to where she lives because their was a fair in town. This was kind of a spur of the moment date. Thursday night we make plans. Friday she was supposed to call me back but didn't. Saturday morning she calls before heading to work and we talk for a minute about the night and she states she will call on her break (at work) to finalize where we'll meet, etc. Certainly I don't plan to drive back 3 hours after our date and I could go to my home town which is about the same distance as driving to her place. But I don't won't to do that either because I want to spend as much time as possible with her and it just seems right. So when she calls me back on her break, I tell her that I plan to stay with her for the night. She says sure its not a problem. So I get on the road assuming I'm staying with her.
Well once I get about 10 minutes outside the destination, she calls and tells me that I actually can't stay with her. Her reason is that her place is messy and being that its my first time visiting she don't feel comfortable with me seeing the place like that. She explains that under any other circumstances it wouldn't be problem. She complains that she didn't have much notice and recognized the mess once she got home from work. She is very busy working 40+ hours and going to grad school full time. Tells me she hasn't had time to clean lately.
Of course I was highly upset and tried to convince her to change her mind but she refused. She did attempt to make me feel better about it but it didn't work. She also said she thought I might go hometomn since once before I went their after our date.
Should I have been more understanding or do you think she's giving me BS. I understand her point but I drove 2.5 hours to see her.

There are way too many explanations here to speculate as to the truth, but my guess is that the messy place thing was an excuse.
I had this problem in my last relationship. My ex would come stay with me, I introduced him to my friends, he spent time with my family. But whenever I went to see him, we would end up going to another city for a weekend. Which can be fun, but time after time, I'd never seen his apartment, never met his friends or family. But then he would go on and on about how much he loved me, how much he wanted to spend his life with me. Basically his actions were not reflecting his words. He never really opened up to me. And he was a workaholic. I pretty much came to the realization that he did not have room in his life for a relationship, no matter how much he thought he did.
Anyways...it could be that is she is not ready for a committment and doesn't know how to outright say it. Maybe she's hesitant and has her guard up because you guys haven't spent a whole lot of time together, or with her work and other things in her life, she really doesn't have room for a relationship. Either way, I think you need to have a talk with her and find out exactly what she's looking for.
Hope that helps some. Good luck.
Veena :-)