We are confusing Just a Date with a Relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
We are confusing Just a Date with a Relationship
5
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 7:57pm

Hey everyone;

I do this myself but I notice we on the board at times are confusing just a date with a full blown relationship.. I know I do it myself because we all want to be in a good relationship but last week when I had my date and Music had her date and Mshon met a new guy its just that.. Just meeting someone and just a date.. Its sad I know but most things I read and the gurus and all point it out right away and say dont get your hopes and expectations up because it was that JUST A DATE OR  A MEET or whatever.. I know I know its hard but nothing is promised nor set in stone and unless a man or woman is actually telling us or calling us to set things up then we cant think we are getting into a relationship with them..

Man I know how challenging it is to think like that but we have to as we have to save ourselves from being too hard on ourselves...

Unfortunately when older its challenging getting one date let alone a few suitors but that is why we are told to date different people.. (not sleep with them) date a few to see who will be the one to pick us.. that is how it works.. Its tough because we folks in our fifties have a smaller dating pool and its especially difficult to find one date let alone a few..

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

You're right.  Sometimes if you don't know someone very well, then you might not have a strong opinion either way.  But if I found out on the date that I didn't like someone as much as I thought I would, then I wouldn't say anything that would encourage him to think that there was going to be a 2nd date.  It seems that guys feel they should say things like "I'll call you" to make you think there will be another date even if they don't mean it.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999

The hard part for me is, if I don't like someone, I turn down their date offer.  I either like someone or I . . . I don't want to use the word "don't like" but sometimes people come along who I am not interested in getting to know.  If I go out with someone, I am already interested so, if that is not reciprocated, it can sting.  I think that only makes us human.  We aren't robots. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Tue, 04-02-2013 - 5:16pm

Hi,

I can really see your point about confusing a date with a relationship......it's hard not to fall into that "relationship" mentality right away.......it would be just a date.

Although the opportunities are few and far between now.......I look back at the past with other guys I've dated and thought how I'd seen "red flags" at the beginning/when I met the person, but I chose to ignore them and date them anyways (for that very reason......few and far between).  Unfortunately some of them did not end well and hmm........it's easy to look back and think - if you'd followed your (initial) impression of this person......well.......I am just learning to be a lot more careful.  If I turn an opportunity down......well.......I guess that's all part of it......

Not sure if this makes sense!! lol

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Sad, but true.  I think that it would be a lot easier to think that way if we did have several people to choose from and you could arrange it that this week it would be one guy, next week would be another guy, etc. and you could just see what happened.  It seems that is what the guy I dated is doing--just playing the field as they used to say.  However, for me, it had been such a long time since I actually got one date.  It's not that I was assuming that we were already IN a relationship--it was more the hope that we might continue to date & a relationship could form out of it.  I mean, who knows?  It's still possible I could have another date with this guy, although not counting on it.  I don't remember which one of the friends I talked to this weekend said something like when she goes out, she tries to tell herself "it's just a date, it's just a date."  It's also hard when you meet someone that you really like & want more to happen--that doesn't happen to me too often.  I do think I have come along though--I used to start emailing a guy from OLD and before he even emailed back, I'd be having the fantasy in my mind of us living happily ever after--now I try not to get too far ahead of myself.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001

I don't think we are. I think we're just unwilling to waste time on a date with someone we'd never get into a relationship with. We're all past our twenties when dating for fun was actually fun. I have much better things to do with my time than spend a few hours with someone I never liked.