Well, I guess I didn't have to ask

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Well, I guess I didn't have to ask
10
Tue, 08-27-2013 - 10:34pm
Because he did. I told him yes- I wanted kids. His response? He's torn, but he thinks he'd make a good dad. Sounds like a "just gimme enough time to convince you otherwise" comment to me. Or "I'll do whatever you want me to do". He's also made a comment about my "hot date" I must have later this week because I can't see him until next week. I'm sensing "emotionally needy"!!! You guys all know that doesn't fly with me! In the meantime, I did a little online sleuthing on the other guy. His last Facebook update was in 2011. Dead end so far! I do know he teaches where he said he does, though, so that's a good thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-28-2013 - 10:08am

I have to say that with older guys I always wonder when they say they want kids.  I see OLD ads all the time when guys even in their 50's and had kids in their 1st marriage check off "maybe" in the "do you want kids?" category.  I wonder if it's a ploy to get dates with younger women who definitely want kids so wouldn't date an older guy who said that he wanted kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Wed, 08-28-2013 - 5:57pm

I think sometimes it depends on the guy's income, too.  If they make pretty good money, they can figure, what the heck.  They can support the children, and, sadly, in 2013, women still bear the brunt of childcare, so they figure it probably won't affect their lifestyle too much.  But I agree with Music.  I saw the "maybes" and "undecideds"  when I did OLD.  They don't want to scare away any potential dates.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 08-28-2013 - 7:53pm

He's a car salesman. I never thought of salesmen making a decent wage, but I really don't know. He's changed jobs/cities a lot since college. Seems rather unsettled to me, although he's been back here for 12 years. I think he lives in an apartment, but again- not sure of that. I'm seeing a few yellow flags, but he's been good to me so far so I can't complain. I really don't know if I'd want to spawn his babies, though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-28-2013 - 10:02pm

I think it depends a lot on the type of car you sell.  My young cousin's DH used to sell Hummers, which are pretty expensive, and I don't get the idea they were rolling in money but they were doing ok.  OF course they live in Nebraska & the cost of living there is much less than where I live so they bought a house right when they got married.  I know you aren't that far from there--what is the cost of housing in your area?  I know you own a house (2?) and you have been able to do that as a single person so for a man in his 40's not to own a house--well you have to wonder.  But again, these things really only matter at the point where you have to think about getting serious.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Thu, 08-29-2013 - 6:02pm
Well, I'm pretty sure he's thinking serious. I definitely am not. Why can't he be like the guys I usually meet who are distant when I want them to gush over me?? I am honestly wondering if he's already thinking he's falling for me. I told him he barely knows me but I don't think that matters to him. The more I hear from him, the less I want to see him. He's already hinted twice at asking if I'm seeing someone else- even used the phrase "on the side" like he's my "main dish" or something! I'm supposed to see him Saturday, same place we met. Thank goodness a friend wants to go with me!! I'm pretty sure he'll be history pretty soon.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 08-29-2013 - 11:56pm

 Perhaps a new hunting ground.  If one is hunting alpha males then one needs to study their habits and habitat.

 

chaika

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Fri, 08-30-2013 - 12:15am
And "pretty soon" was tonight. I feel awful, but it had to happen. I wasn't feeling good about seeing him at all. I told him that the age difference really bothered me, and that I was feeling pressure bc of him mentioning other guys so much. He said he was "joking". Four times in two days isn't joking. He was just upset bc he knew I was out tonight and I didn't invite him. I didn't invite him because there IS another guy!! Not one I'm dating, but one I like to flirt with. He kind of got nasty with me over it. True colors coming out for sure. He got defensive. I just can't handle guys who get nasty like that. On to the next!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 08-30-2013 - 11:17pm

Yes he has no right to be upset if you didn't agree that he was your BF--and who would do that after such a short time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 08-31-2013 - 9:00am

Sigh.  Why does it always seem the ones we don't want come on hot 'n heavy.  The ones we DO want, are so elusive?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 08-31-2013 - 11:14am
Someone who is desperate! That's who. He texted me Thursday morning- "Good morning sweet angel." He obviously has a different view of me than who I really am. My friends all agree! Nothing angelic about me. I wanted to respond with "gag me" but I just told him he must have the wrong person. He texted me yesterday saying he's sorry I didn't understand he was just "messing with" me. Still no apology saying he's done anything wrong. He's blaming me for being upset. Huge red flag! Things could get interesting tonight. I already had plans to go back to the place we met. I suggested another place to my friend, but she doesn't want to change spots. I can ignore him, but I'm pretty sure she will speak her mind if he says anything, and she doesn't hold back!