We're allowed to be 'not happy'

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
We're allowed to be 'not happy'
11
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 1:09pm

Time for a little vent. I've been stewing over this for a few days.

I am so tired of hearing (and reading on the boards) that someone is "negative," or "codependent" or "needy" every time they happen to express an emotion other than sheer joy and happiness. Is this Brave New World? Are we expected to pop happy pills and bubble over with joy every instant?

In the thread about being single during the holidays, it's implied that we single folk should just buck up, put on a happy face and be overjoyed that we're single. I am honestly not happy that I'm single, and I refuse to pretend that I am. I am, HOWEVER, happy about life. Just because I am not happy about one aspect of it, does not mean I am wallowing in self pity, ceasing to live and enjoy life, don't have friends, lead a miserable existence and am looking for someone to fill a giant hole in my soul.

Sitting in, feeling, and owning an emotion (such as sadness or loneliness) is different from wallowing in it. I think it is very healthy to feel these emotions and not just push them down under some happy veneer. We get through them by feeling them. It is also healthy to be able to express those emotions to other people. There is a fine line between sitting in an emotion and wallowing in it, I know, but there is a difference.

Finally, here's the list of things I AM happy about that have absolutely nothing to do with my relationship status:

- my new puppy and how much energy she exudes
- my new house and its yellow walls
- being able to have a Christmas tree for the first time ever
- my 9-year-old nephew who plays saxophone by ear after only two months and who calls to play me songs on my answering machine (he rocks!)
- my parents (my friend's mom just died, and it makes me appreciate the time I have with them)
- snow in Colorado - it dumps one day and melts the next
- my first fire of the year, last night
- living in a country with so much opportunity and luxury available to us
- my health (this is huge, I know so many people who don't have it)
- my dear, dear friends
- being emotional -- I feel all emotions deeply (including happiness) and I think this is one of my best assets. I'm proud of it.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 2:07pm
That is a very long time to know a friend. I'm sure she appreciates all your efforts to support her.

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