Since we're on the subject...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Since we're on the subject...
22
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 4:10pm

Since we're discussing what works in regards to how to get a woman's attention, maybe the women here can give me their opinion on this one...

My BF and I were discussing dating the other night. He was telling me about this time he was trying to ask a girl out who was in one of his undergrad school classes. His opening line, basically, was to tell her how attractive she was and would she like to go out sometime.

He said it failed miserably and she just sat there and stared at him.

I told him that it would be a turnoff for a guy to just approach a woman and start off by telling her how attractive he thought she was. How shallow. We want more than that.

He disagreed (even though this one failed and it's failed for him before).

So what do you think? How would you react if a guy you knew somewhat started out with "Hi. I think you're really attractive. Want to go out sometime?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 10:08am

Major turnoff to me!!
I would definitely say no.

Great topic of conversation!
Amie

Amie Choiniere Office Manager~Mom~Domestic Goddess~Student~Wine Lover~Girlfriend~Gardener~Decorator~Vinyl Wall Lettering Queen!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 11:02am

>>Saying it makes it seem like that's the *only* reason he wants to go out with me.

Well, right, but if it's at a bar and he's never met you before, let's face it, that IS the only reason he wants to talk to/go out with you....so far. If it were someone I already knew, I'd look at them like they had two heads, but I still think it's a good approach at a bar, as long as the guy's not a sleaze or seems as if he's said it to every woman in the room. If someone approached me and said something like, "excuse me, I don't mean to bother you, but I happened to notice that you were really beautiful," then either offered to buy me a drink or just kept conversation going...I don't see a problem with that.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 1:14pm

Ugh, the thought of that gives me the heebie-geebies, LOL!

Establish some common ground first--yes, that may be the only reason you're talking to me but at least PRETEND you think I might have a brain, too ;-)!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 1:28pm

>>Well, right, but if it's at a bar and he's never met you before, let's face it, that IS the only reason he wants to talk to/go out with you<<

I rarely meet guys in bars, and have never gone out with a guy I met in a bar. I guess I was thinking of the question in terms of the school/class setting emdeesea laid out.

I like Mark's comment about approaching someone because of her looks (of course, initial attraction is based on looks and the vibe you get from someone based on his/her appearance), but then chatting with her to see if there's any hint of connection beyond looks. Once that's done, it's easy enough to ask her out without saying "hey, you're hot, wanna go out?"

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 1:29pm

Well, we'll just have to agree to disagree. :)

I guess it REALLY depends on the context and how he says it and approaches you (or me, in this case). If some guy with slicked-back hair, shirt unbuttoned down to his navel, and sunglasses on (SUCH a pet peeve...how can you even SEE what I look like??) said something similar, I'd walk away. :) Most guys that I end up talking to in a bar setting haven't used such a bold line, but then many of them have turned out kind of creepy. :) I suppose that's par for the course at a bar, though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 1:31pm

>>I rarely meet guys in bars, and have never gone out with a guy I met in a bar. I guess I was thinking of the question in terms of the school/class setting emdeesea laid out.

No, you're right, in that situation I think it's just...I mean why do you even need a line?? To me, that's just what it is, so I was thinking of it as such, in a bar setting. I rarely meet guys I go out with more than once at bars and I don't consider it a place to meet long-term material, but if you're going to approach a girl, I don't think this approach is half bad (especially compared to some others!).

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 1:49pm

I guess I'm idealistic in this regard and it's not benefitted me at all.

I have always thought of attraction as being something both with the mind and the body. Of course, there *should* be some degree of physical attraction of course - that goes without saying. But that there is supposed to be some degree of mental and intellectual attraction as well. That's what I've always wanted in my relationships and in meeting guys and I had HOPED and THOUGHT that it went both ways (in men as well).

But sadly, at 35, I'm becoming wiser, I guess. It seems it really IS all based only on physical attraction. Mental and intellectual attraction has nothing (or very little) to do with it at all.

It's disappointing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 2:02pm

>>But sadly, at 35, I'm becoming wiser, I guess. It seems it really IS all based only on physical attraction. Mental and intellectual attraction has nothing (or very little) to do with it at all.

Well that's not what I meant! I don't believe that at all, I think without mental and intellectual attraction, how easy must it be to get bored! I believe that physical attraction is a fairly big part, but to anyone halfway intelligent, being attracted to someone's mind as well is key. I couldn't deal without it.

I was just referring to a bar setting, like I said, it's not exactly a great place to meet long-term potential. To me, it seems like a line.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 2:12pm

>Well that's not what I meant! I don't believe that at all, I think without mental and intellectual attraction, how easy must it be to get bored! I believe that physical attraction is a fairly big part, but to anyone halfway intelligent, being attracted to someone's mind as well is key. I couldn't deal without it.

I was just referring to a bar setting, like I said, it's not exactly a great place to meet long-term potential. To me, it seems like a line.<

Sorry... I didn't mean you specifically. :) (At work - a co-worker distracted me while typing)

No... I mean the guys I meet and talk to. They honestly don't seem to care what's in a woman's mind, what she thinks, what she likes to do, etc. It seems their only criteria is "Is she hot?"

It's disappointing because I remember what my mom used to tell me in school when all the boys were ignoring me for the cheerleaders. She'd tell me, "Just wait until you're older. It'll get better."

And it hasn't. It hasn't changed a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 2:17pm
I love to be told I'm attractive, but in a respectible way. I wouldn't be immediately turned off.