What is up with this??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
What is up with this??
15
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:36am
Hi, I wonder if any of you single people here can relate to what I am about to ask---why is it that when you haven't dated in a while (in my case, a matter of years) and you are not really interested in dating or getting into a relationship, guys come out from all over, that is when they WANT to get in your face?? And when YOU want a relationship, and are "hungry" for a man, they are nowhere to be found?? What is up with that?? In years prior to 1999, when I thought I "had" to have a man to be happy, no one paid attention to me...I weighed 30 pounds less back then, never wore a ring on my married finger, wore miniskirts, etc, and NO ONE paid attention to me. Now I have gained 30 pounds since 1999, I wear a ring, and much more conservative clothing, and I ??? Feel "stalked" sometimes...why is it that when you want to be left alone, men don't leave you alone, and when you WISH they paid attention to you, they don't?? Thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 12:01pm
Because the confidence you convey when you are not actively looking is irresistible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 12:34pm
Thank you for the reply---what you said makes me think of something I read online a long time ago---"men find nothing more aphrodisiac than a disinterested woman." LOL...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:37pm
I don't understand why men are like this. I have always been told that when you're not looking, they'll show up. I wasn't looking for a LONG time and they didn't show up, I have lost 45 pounds, feel great about myself, and they aren't showing up. Then there are those who flirt and act like they want something and as soon as you repsond to that, they run away! What is up with THAT? So tell me, you have all these men coming out of the woodwork, where are you finding them? I am ready, after being single for about a year and a half, ready to get back into some sort of relationship with some guy or at least get a little kissin here and there....where are these men? All the ones I see are married, taken, or scary.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 12:29am
Well, lookie who came outta the woodwork!!

I can tell you exactly why your prince hasn't appeared. You've just started looking! Give it a little more time. He'll show up. Keep going out and having fun just for the sake of having fun. Some tall guy is bound to notice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 3:05am
I am divorced and have not dated in SIX years and want to. I have done everything I know to meet men and nothing works. I have joined clubs that relate to my profession,started clubs,gone on line and joined a singles club and nada,zip nothing has come of it. I lost weight,care how I look and men ignore me. They never ask for my number,or seem interested in me. I am a good listener, have a good sense of humor and am thoroughly disheartened at my lack of male companionship. Most of the men I have met are so much younger than I am,and men my age seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth. I did meet one nice guy,my age and he seemed interested,but never called. Apparently I have the sex appeal of a gym sock. I am 54 and have resigned myself to a life of never going out again(which is fine with my family because it means I can take care of my mother). PLEASE do not tell me to keep trying because I have and am sick of it. I am not sending out a message that says I am desperate,quite the opposite,I usually don't even try. I do not want to date someone the same ages as my nephews,who are in their twenties! I have looked,I have tried,I am just fed up. There MUST be someone out there to meet,but not where I am.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 3:07am
STOP LOOKING!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 11:14am
I don't agree. Stop looking I think is one of those things people tell you when they don't know what else to say. Stop looking, to me, means keep yourself holed up in your apartment and wait for him to knock on your door. Now how well would that work???

The better advice is to not focus exclusively on finding a boyfriend, go out, have fun, and EXPECT to have fun, regardless of whether you meet a guy or not. I know people who will sulk all night until a guy comes to talk to them. That's the difference. When you're desperate, men can tell. When you're disinteresting in the opposite sex, they can tell that too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 12:57pm
It's seems to be either feast or famine out there, huh!

My only response it to "when you're disinterested in the opposite sex, they know". I think you need to come to where I live for a while! =) You have to beat them off with a tire-iron, and that doesn't even work sometimes! They are so unable to hear "I don't want a boyfriend" and "I like girls" and "Thank you, I'm not interested" and "I'm single, not available"... I tend to attract, like seagulls to a dump, the guys who want sex and nothing more, or the guys who want to be my knight in shining armor (riding the city bus)... or better yet, the ones who only talk to me in order to say "hey, you're giving me a chubby"... now THAT's attractive, thank you very much for making my day, that was my purpose in waking up and getting dressed this morning, I looked in the mirror and said "I want to get some icky playa slimeball hard today". Whew, I guess I needed to get that out! Thanks! =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 10:26am
"beat them off with a tire iron" is so true for where I live also---Silicon Valley CA. The men here significantly outnumber the women, someone told me it is a 4 to 1 ratio and recently I read in the Internet about this area that it is 10 men for every one woman. Silicon Valley is the High Tech capital, and High Tech draws many men workers to this area, and LOTS of engineers, which are almost always men. I have pretty much gone into hiding these days around here, and other single women I know have too. The worst places are work (76 men to 18 women in my company, and of those 18 women only 4 of us are single) and the other worst place for unwanted attention is the grocery stores all over. I HAVE to come to work, and I HAVE to visit the grocery store. In the grocery stores in my town, men walk around totally empty handed looking for women to hit on, they don't even carry a loaf of bread around and TRY to pretend they are really there to shop. I also like how you put it "I attract, like seagulls to a dump..." that is my experience with married men these days...married men, fat men, and married fat men are always around like flies...thanks for sharing...BTW, I read in your profile that you have been clean and sober since 2001...congrats...I have been clean and sober since 1984.
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 11:57am
Wow! We have the reverse here in the DC area...about 4 single women to every single guy. You would think it should be more even given all of the government employees in the area (in my experience, there tends to be a more even number of men and women in government jobs), but I guess that's not the case. At my company, there are probably 10 women for every man, so we have a very different atmosphere here than what you apparently have.

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