What am I doing wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
What am I doing wrong?
2
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 2:47am

I have never had a serious relationship. That's sad. Especially since I'm in college and this is when I will meet the most people and get an opportunity to make the most friends. Three of them who did not work out ended up contacting me again a year later when things were not going well for them in their love life and then they dropped me. Am I making myself too available? I can't imagine that becuase if anything I try my hardest to make sure guys don't know that I like them. I fear vulnerability.

Nonetheless, my problem is that why do guys that I like, am nice too, don't ask me out? Why have I gone all this time without someone serious at all? Don't get me wrong, I do like men, but I feel that they don't respond to me the way I ever want them too. How can I change that, or try to? I am pretty independent and focus on my studies a lot, but that doesn't mean I don't need men.

Please help! What kind of signals am I giving off? What do I do? Please ask me questions if it helps you answer my question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 4:14pm

Well, "serious" relationships can be hard to come by in high school and college. I didn't have a truly serious relationship until my senior year of college (a million and a half years ago). So, I wouldn't put pressure on yourself to find "the guy." It can be really fun to just go out casually with several guys so you get a better idea of what you really like/don't like in a guy. Trust me, figuring that out earlier than later will help you in the long run. :)

So, as far as "what you're doing wrong" -- you're probably not doing anything wrong.

Some questions:

- Do you participate in any clubs, groups or activities outside of class where you have a chance to meet people?

- Do you tell friends that you're open to being set up on dates?

- Do you flirt with guys you DO like?

It can be difficult to branch out to meet new people, but I think that's often the best way to meet someone special.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 3:38am

"Some questions:

- Do you participate in any clubs, groups or activities outside of class where you have a chance to meet people?

- Do you tell friends that you're open to being set up on dates?

- Do you flirt with guys you DO like? "

Answer: I have a very packed schedule so the only activity I participate in is the gym where I have met a few guys I already know. One of the guys flirts with me, but I don't know when he will make a move. I also spend a lot of time at cafe's studying, but I have only met men who are about at least 20 years older than me. One of them was actually waiting for me once when I never said I would be there beforehand. Also scary.

-I had before, and when they did set me up with him, he turned out to be a jerk who just wanted to be physical straight off. That has made me question strangers because my friends may not know everything.

-I flirt with guys and they flirt too. The problem comes from waiting for them to make a move or if they give up. My friends often tell me that I intimidate men because they think I'm smart and so on. I don't like to scare them.




Edited 11/17/2006 3:41 am ET by wonderingshelly