What attracts you to a guy?
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What attracts you to a guy?
| Mon, 01-01-2007 - 9:11pm |
I realize now I was asking the wrong questions. Instead of talking about myself, I should have been asking about you all personally.
What attracted you to a guy when you were all young (teenagers and 20s)? I ask because I'm a 20 year old guy, and even though I'm very young, I realize there's a difference between a girl and a women. I've never had a girlfriend before now, but I think the kind of guy I am now would attract older women, but I have trouble attracting young girls. I don't know, I'm not confident or smooth or dangerous or exciting enough for girls my age.
So I'm asking you, what attracted you to a guy when you were 18-21? What did they specifically do and say that made you want to talk to them, date them, sleep with them, etc?

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Smart, smart, smart. I have always loved guys with great brains and who showed a genuine interest in talking to me about real ideas. Nothing made me more weak in the knees - then and now. :)
He also had to be cute, but that varies for each person. I guarantee there are plenty of girls who find you attractive just the way you are (looks, personality, even personal quirks) without you having to try and figure out the best trick for attracting them.
My best advice is to just start asking out girls who you find attractive. Chances are, some of them will be interested, and will say yes. You never know until you ask.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Dear redonculous,
First off, great name-I love it! Okay so I have plenty to say on this subject! I too am 20 years old and I must say that the first thing that ALWAYS attracts me is confidence. Make sure you don't confuse that with cockiness, there's a pretty thin line. I love guys who are funny, guys that I can always depend on to give me a good laugh. I can't stand it when guys try too hard...you have to have good timing. From what I've read about you, you sound like you would make a great friend, and an even better boyfriend. Don't get so frustrated with the whole dating game-remember, it's a game! You're supposed to have fun with it! If you have your eye on a certain someone and they're not interested, you have to remember that it's their loss, not yours! Loosen up man, you're 20, this is the time we're supposed to be having the time of our life, with or without a gf/bf! Take it from me, I just got out of a 2 1/2 year relationship, which I thought was going to be the death of me...however, I'm still kickin lol and I'm having a great time. You sound like a one of a kind guy, smart, loyal, kind, and actually looking for a relationship! The only problem is that you're blaming yourself for your failed attempts with the chicks. It's really not you! It's timing, and it's them! Did you ever hear the expression, "You find love when you're not looking for it."? It's soo true! Get out there, enjoy your life, and don't give a sh*t about what the girls think! Women respond to confidence. I respond to confidence, a certain shyness in a guy, humor, and most importantly guys that are genuine. Women are very intuitive, they may sense that you're really searching for a girlfriend. Now either they're not looking for a relationship or they feel that maybe you're looking for a relationship specifically, and not so much a certain girl. Take it easy, be good to yourself, and have fun!
xoxo Alisha
"Redonculous,
Your attitude to women and sex makes me so happy that I'm not in my 20's anymore. I think all you want to do is try and find out how you manipulate women into sleeping with you and I have no desire in helping you to do so. You're the type of guy that I successfully managed to avoid in my early twenties.
Over and out.
Feisty"
WHAT attitude towards women and sex are you speaking of? I just want a girl who I want to want me back, just like every woman wants a man they want to want them back. What am I doing wrong in your opinion?
“From what I've read about you, you sound like you would make a great friend, and an even better boyfriend.”
Then why can’t girls see that? I HAVE been a good friend. I’ve spent years with girls offering my time, energy, emotional support and more to them, but when I finally gathered the courage to ask them out, they rejected me. Why couldn’t they appreciate and repay the time I was there for them?
“Don't get so frustrated with the whole dating game-remember, it's a game! You're supposed to have fun with it!”
But how do I have fun with the game when I can’t get into it? How can I enjoy the dating game when I can barely get a date?
“Get out there, enjoy your life, and don't give a sh*t about what the girls think! Women respond to confidence. I respond to confidence, a certain shyness in a guy, humor, and most importantly guys that are genuine. Women are very intuitive, they may sense that you're really searching for a girlfriend. Now either they're not looking for a relationship or they feel that maybe you're looking for a relationship specifically, and not so much a certain girl. Take it easy, be good to yourself, and have fun!
xoxo Alisha”
This is what I’ve been trying to do for my whole life. I’ve been trying to live my life and just waiting for someone to pop up or drift my way, but it hasn’t happened. I’m tired of sitting down, and just hoping and waiting someone comes my way. I want to go out and find them, but I don’t know how or where to look.
All I want to know is, what can I SPECIFICALLY do or say to a girl to make her want me?
I don't know if I can help much, but I'll give you all I can. Most girls like it when a man is confident. You don't always have to be the most exciting person around. Maybe you should flirt a little more with the younger girls and ask them out more, regardless if you feel confident. Confidence usually comes with practice and acceptence. I really believe that it would be easier for you, if you tried to go out of your comfort zone. Try something new and don't regret it! Good Luck!
Only trying to help...
>>All I want to know is, what can I SPECIFICALLY do or say to a girl to make her want me?<<
Seriously, just let go of the idea that there is some magic phrase or action that attracts or wins over the opposite sex. Just be YOU. There is nothing more attractive than a man who knows who he is and makes no apologies for that.
Second, specifically, you can say, "will you go out with me?" or "want to have dinner?" Works like a dream.
Believe me, there are plenty of women out there who are just waiting for you to make the first move - and be straightforward about it.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
In response to cl-countrygrlupnorth and on_the_run_08
“Be a little flirty. In addition to building confidence, practice your flirting skills as well.”
“Maybe you should flirt a little more with the younger girls and ask them out more, regardless if you feel confident.”
I asked a while back “how do I flirt?” My question wasn’t answered.
How do you flirt? I want to know because “what’s your name? what’s your major? I like your hair by the way,” hasn’t been getting me anywhere.
In response to tallgirlcolo
“Seriously, just let go of the idea that there is some magic phrase or action that attracts or wins over the opposite sex.”
There may not be some magic phrase, but there is some magic behavior. I just want to know what that behavior is and make it my own.
“Just be YOU.”
I HAVE been being me for 20 years. It hasn’t worked. Rearrange the letters in “just be you” and you get “be just you.” As in, “who’s that over there? … … … oh, it’s JUST redonculous. Never mind.”
I don’t want to be “just” me anymore. I want to be someone else, someone better.
“Second, specifically, you can say, "will you go out with me?" or "want to have dinner?" Works like a dream.”
It hasn’t worked for me. I’ve asked out several girls and this only got me 2 dates, but none of those girls were interested in seeing me for a second date.
Be your wonderful self, the universe provides. we all try too hard, just let life happen. Hugs, leila
>>I don’t want to be “just” me anymore. I want to be someone else, someone better.<<
Ok - then it has to start with you. If you don't like yourself as you are RIGHT NOW, then
other people will pick up on it. The absolute first thing you must do is learn how to like yourself, or no behavior in the world will work. Or, if it does work, the girl will eventually realize that you don't like yourself, and she will wonder why.
When I do online dating, in the section that asks 'what are you looking for in a partner,' I always say: "A man who genuinely likes himself." It's the first thing I look for, because a man who likes himself (and this is from 17 years of dating experience) is the one who knows I'm with him because he's "just him." He won't second guess everything I do because of some insecurity of his own. He won't be the jealous type. He'll feel good, project that and, in turn, make me feel good to be with him.
There's a lot more to this than I can possibly post here. I think I'm just trying to get you to look at your motives. Dating a cute girl might make you feel better for awhile - but, if she doesn't know "just you" and appreciate "just you," eventually it will not be enough for you. Being in a situation where you are not true to yourself will not make you feel better.
That said, everyone has something they could do to make themselves better. Don't strive for being "someone else" to be better, just become a better YOU.
If you can give some examples of why you don't think you're good enough, we might be able to offer some specific advice. For example, if you don't feel like you're good at small talk, mingling or flirting, we can try to help with that.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
To your question about flirting, these are the things that work on me:
- a guy who makes eye contact, holds it, and smiles at me
- touching my arm during conversation -- this is an obvious cue, and makes me more likely to get flirty with him as well
- very subtle innuendo/double meaning in conversation (I say subtle, because too much innuendo with someone I don't know well is a turn off for me)
- a guy who obviously trys to be in my vicinty in a large group
- anyone who buys me a drink
- a guy who comes right out and asks me to lunch
AJ, enjoying life with C.
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