What attracts you to a guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
What attracts you to a guy?
24
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 9:11pm

I realize now I was asking the wrong questions. Instead of talking about myself, I should have been asking about you all personally.

What attracted you to a guy when you were all young (teenagers and 20s)? I ask because I'm a 20 year old guy, and even though I'm very young, I realize there's a difference between a girl and a women. I've never had a girlfriend before now, but I think the kind of guy I am now would attract older women, but I have trouble attracting young girls. I don't know, I'm not confident or smooth or dangerous or exciting enough for girls my age.

So I'm asking you, what attracted you to a guy when you were 18-21? What did they specifically do and say that made you want to talk to them, date them, sleep with them, etc?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 2:21pm

For me (I'm 22), several things attract me to a guy...

- personality
- intelligence but not nerdy
- appearance (attractiveness, clothes, way he carries himself)
- my comfort level with him

I've met several great guys over the years but haven't found that one really special guy for me. Don't worry about making yourself attractive to women. The woman meant to have a relationship with you will find you attractive (if that makes sense).

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 3:06pm

In response to tallgirlcolo

“There's a lot more to this than I can possibly post here. I think I'm just trying to get you to look at your motives. Dating a cute girl might make you feel better for awhile - but, if she doesn't know "just you" and appreciate "just you," eventually it will not be enough for you. Being in a situation where you are not true to yourself will not make you feel better.”

Yes it will. Please understand that I’m 20 years old and the best I’ve ever done was kiss a girl once at a party 2 years ago. I’ve never even had sex before. I’ve forgotten what it’s even like to be held or kissed by a girl. If I get with a girl, I don’t care if she doesn’t know or appreciate the real me. I only care that she’s with me.

“If you can give some examples of why you don't think you're good enough, we might be able to offer some specific advice. For example, if you don't feel like you're good at small talk, mingling or flirting, we can try to help with that.”

I have little to NO confidence with girls. I can barely bring myself to approach a girl. When I happen to get to know a girl, I’m afraid to show or express interest in her. When I do show interest, it doesn’t come out smoothly or confidently.

I don’t know how to make a girl WANT to go out with me. I don’t know how to flirt or mingle. I’m also afraid of touching girls. They say that touching is an important part of flirting, but I can’t bring myself to touch a girl’s knee or arm when I’m talking to, because I have a paralyzing fear of a sexual harassment lawsuit. It’s hard for me to make eye contact with a girl.

Basically I’m just a very anxious and nervous guy around girls. I’ve been on 2 dates my whole life and my last date straight up told me halfway through the date, “Why are you so nervous? Seriously, you need to relax.”

My problems also come out in social situations. I’m afraid of being social and I’m afraid of going up and starting small talk with people I don’t know, or people who have higher social status than me. If I’m invited into a conversation, I can only provide a little bit of it because I can barely think of things to say

I do my best to look good, dress well, stay in shape but it’s not enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 8:57am

"If I get with a girl, I don’t care if she doesn’t know or appreciate the real me. I only care that she’s with me."


Wow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 11:30am

I'm so sorry that you feel this way. Honestly, many of us have felt that way with the opposite sex - especially at high school/college age. So, first, stop beating yourself up. It's normal to be nervous.

Now, it is uncomfortable for a girl if you are so nervous that you can't make eye contact or carry on a conversation. So, my advice is to practice with "safe" people - close girlfriends, sisters, older women in the grocery store. No need to practice flirting with these people - just practice eye contact and conversation. It will help you build your confidence with people in general, so the cute girl will be less likely to scare you. :)

Also, please don't sell yourself short by settling for someone who will just be there. I totally understand, and encourage, dating just for dating's sake. Date casually to figure out what you like in a girl. What I caution against is developing a relationship with someone who is not right for you just because she's female and gave you the time of day. We all deserve better than that.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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