What IS "baggage"???
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What IS "baggage"???
| Fri, 06-29-2007 - 2:21pm |
So I've seen "no baggage" talked about a lot lately, as a prerequisite for dating material.
What IS baggage? And how do you reach adulthood without having any?
Our experiences and how we deal with what we're dealt makes us what we are.
Personally, I'd rather deal with some baggage than a blah mediocre vanilla lifestyle.


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Bingo! Big difference between history and baggage! I think you hit the nail on the head!
I think it depends on a person’s age, and yes, I wouldn’t want someone who has no history either. That’s boring and frankly, fishy. Everyone I know has a history, including myself, but I agree with those who mentioned that it becomes baggage when it weighs you down and can’t function normally in a relationship. At my age which is almost 29, kids is at the top of my deal-breaker list. Call me selfish, I simply don’t want to deal with someone else’s kids. Kids come with an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend (aka drama), and soccer games, and other sacrifices and responsibilities that I simply don’t want to deal with unless they are mine. When I get older and have kids myself, I probably will no longer define kids as baggage. I will probably be looking for another single parent to complement me and understand my life and responsibilities. So the definition of “baggage” changes with a person’s age and life experience, I think.
And as far as history of mental illness or depression goes, I think that can be a little unpredictable and I personally would rather avoid getting involved with someone who is unpredictable. For example, I know someone I went to high school with tried to commit suicide years ago. He had a mental breakdown when the stress of going to college became too much for him. He has gotten treatment and I think from what I hear, he is doing alright these days. I will never get involved with him because that is too unpredictable and scary to me. He might just snap and try to kill himself again if god forbid, life becomes stressful again. Whenever I see him, I tread lightly around him, and I know everybody around him treads lightly as well in fear of setting him off and push him over the edge again. I can’t handle that in a relationship, if I have to tread lightly around someone in constant fear of pushing them into a deep depression, or worse killing themselves when life gets too hard or stressful. I need someone a little bit more stable than that.
And I am sorry to hear about your friend.
Disclaimer: this is all hypothetical ranting from someone who is not single, but I hope I am still allowed to share my opinions and experiences on this board even though I am not single.
Ok . . .way, way, way to much information . .. but everyone feel free to chime in . .I think I define "baggage". (-: Or the obvious things anyway, other than just being a drunk or nuts. (-;
46, With grown kids who grew up with a crazy mother. "Mom" continues to be a challenge and "unstable and unpredictable" part of all our life's, and I dedicate a great deal of time and effort trying to guide two young adults through that mess and the rest of the way into adulthood.
46, and in chapter 7, walked away from every asset I had in the devoice, so I am at zero and starting over. Soon I might even buy medical again. It is fair to say money is an issue.
New job, earnings back in the 30's after knocking on the six figure door for several years, I want the old paycheck back, and I relentlessly put in the HOURS and EFFORT to make it happen, not great for the social life. (I barley have a high school diploma. No collage, no real skill, I sell appliances . . .lol . . .I just found the way to make it pay, to play in the deep end of the pool . . what I do have is one hell of a work ethic.)Just for the record, I know 80 or 90K is not that much, I know a girl down here that is well into the 400K mark selling add time for clear channel . . .it is however a lot for a simple high school grad like me. If I can reach the top of this game I can tap at 200 . . . .and I am well on the way to that level of the game, getting to play with the "big boys" sort of speak. A 9 year investment.
The above and all the money talk . .. not about money. I don't have advanced degrees. (No future, right?) When I walked away from union mentalities, my life opened up. However, education has been attached to the baggage / attractive threads very often. The only point is you can take what you have and make it work if you have your head screwed on straight and can approach life with an open mind and a little confidence and determination. Educated people are often fools, and uneducated people are often wise . . .education has more to do with upbringing than desire for many of us. All of my friends are pretty "smart" . .. however the education ranges from doctorates to high school drop outs. Some of those drop outs are builders who are quite rich.
Is it fair to say I just eliminated 90% of "this" dating pool. ((-: The worst part is I know SO MANY people who have been exactly where I am at or even worse . . .have recovered just fine, money and all and have a great life today. "I" define baggage people run from. Some are mistaken to do so. (-: Devoice above all else wrecks a life. Takes a bit of time to get the whole picture back together. What I have discovered over the years is the "baggage" is not the issue, we cant always control the places life takes us, what does matter is how that baggage is carried. (-:
I was reading this and was going to say the same thing.
"Baggage" is life that you haven't made "history".
There's a song by the Eagles called "Get Over It." Basically, the same idea...
Baggage is toxic emotional waste that has not been dealt with and put to rest. Believe me, you do not want to get mixed up with anyone who carries that around with them. Baggage and history are two entirely different issues. We all have history.
The only way to reach adulthood without aquiring any 'baggage' is to hide under a large stone at the age of of 16 and not come out again till you're 40. There isn't a single person on the planet who is a mature 'lived their life' adult and has no 'baggage' and issues resulting from this 'baggage'- painful r-ship break ups, other personal or professional disapointments, mistakes made, marriages entered into not very wisely, children created with wrong expectations, unwise financial decisions resulting in money-mess etc etc etc... No 30+ y old is all stary-eyed, over optimistic and eternally bursting with happiness. Those who are looking for a 30+ man or woman with no baggage or issues are looking for something that doesn't exist.
>>Just for the record, I know 80 or 90K is not that much, I know a girl down here that is well into the 400K mark selling add time for clear channel . . .it is however a lot for a simple high school grad like me.
This always mystifies me. I come from a very blue-collar, working class family (I'm the first one one either side of my family to go to college) in which 80 - 90k IS a lot. Even for me, when people complain about not making money in development or non-profit or whatever...of course I don't work here or MOST non-profits expecting to make 200 grand a year, but the earning potential is MORE than enough to support myself and a family (somewhere WAY down the line). My parents raised my brother and I hovering around 50k combined, so it's all relative.
Anyway, this is completely tangential to the topic, but I thought I'd chime in...but good for you, I've never believed that someone "HAS" to have a college education (my younger brother isn't going to school and is doing ok for himself) to be successful, though it does make it easier in some arenas...for me it was just something I wanted to do (I certainly didn't have a pratical major, either, art history! :) ).
I make just under $32500/year, so $80-$90k to me sounds pretty good to me!
Thanks...got back from VA late last night and I'm exhausted. It was very draining - sad, yet the services were uplifting, if that makes any sense at all.
He'll be sorely missed - he made such a huge, positive impact on everyone he met....
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