What could I have done better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
What could I have done better?
6
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 3:30pm

It's Spring Week at my university. It's finally warm, so we've sort of had this week long fair on the greenspace with food and music and inflatables and so forth. Of course, I thought this would be an good opportunity to meet girls so I went and hung around for a while.

I went determined to meet girls, but it was really hard working up the nerve to talk to them. They were all wearing short shorts, mini skirts, tube tops, bikini tops, tank tops so it was really intimidating getting close to that much bare skin and cleavage. I was sitting on the green space eating and a couple of girls were sitting and chatting a couple of feet from me. When they got up and dispersed, I guess to go to class, I approached one of them and behind and said "Excuse me."

Her: "Yeah."
Me: "Hey. Listen... I sort fort of noticed your sunglasses. I like that.
Her: "Thanks."
Me: "Yeah, I'm *****(real name)***** by the way."
Her: "Hey."
Me: "Yeah." (waiting for her to say her name) "Your name is?"
Her: "Susanne."
Me: "Hey. So, you headed to class or something?"
Her: "Umm, yeah."
Me: "Alright. What's your major?"
Her: "Psychology."
Me: "That's cool."

I waited for her to ask me about myself, but she didn't she just stood there, so I interjected.

Me: "Yeah, I'm an economics and finance major."
Her: "Alright."

She didn't seem interested in asking more about me.

Me: "Alright. Listen, I won't keep you, but I was wondering if you would like to meet up for lunch some time?"
Her: "Umm..."
Me: "Maybe I could have your number."
Her: "Umm... I'm sorry, but I don't do that."

I just started walking backwards and said "Alright no problem." She said she was sorry, but I told her to have a good day.

I tried again with another girl. I approached her and said "Hey. I sorta noticed your purse. I like it. I was... sorta wondering what your name was." But all she did was laugh and say "Not gonna happen" and walked away. I was dumbfounded. I was so hurt and humiliated, but I spent the rest of the day wishing I had smacked her across the face.

Eitherway, the day left my confidence completely shattered, but I don't want to give up. What could I have done or said that was more witty or charming? How could I have come off as a more cool or charismatic guy? How could I have flirted?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 4:20pm

You need to make contact and conversation BEFORE they get up and start to

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 7:49pm

>>>With practice, you will be able to determine pretty quickly which girls are interested in talking more and which ones aren't. The key is to learn to recognize this and bow out gracefully.<<<

I guess, but I can't find anyone who're interested to begin with. So what can I do to make the ones who AREN'T interested, interested? How do I charm or "sweet-talk" or "game" them into talking when they're reluctant or dismissive at first?

>>>Another thing, too, is you HAVE to learn to accept that rejection is part of the game. Yeah, you're never going to be HAPPY about rejection (no one is), but you have to realize even the "charming, witty, bad boys" you so often compare yourself to get rejected sometimes. Yeah, it may seem to you like they don't, but they're not going to go around talking about it when they do.<<<

I understand that, but they get rejected far less than normal guys do. Like I said, I wish I could just hear some of the ways they start a conversation with a girl and flirt and joke with her instead of just plainly asking "what's your name? what's your major? I like your hat, by the way."

>>>If you get so upset at a girl's rude behavior (and even if she thought you were "weird", it was very rude of that girl to laugh in your face - that's very immature, but it's a reflection of HER, not you) that you feel like you want to "smack her in the face," I really think that indicates you have some anger management issues and I strongly suggest you take care of those before trying to meet ANY women.<<<

First off, understand that I would NEVER hit a woman. I've thrown down before, but only with guys who pushed me around for an extended period of time (I'm talking weeks or months back in high school). I'm not going to flip out if someone burns me once, but I'm just saying, her reaction was so unneccessarily harsh that I had IMAGINED what it would be like to hit her. Do you understand that?

If a girl will ACTUALLY slap a guy across the face for telling her "I think your hot," which is a compliment, why is it so outrageous that a guy would IMAGINE slapping a girl for being rude and harsh towards him?




Edited 4/26/2007 7:59 pm ET by redonculous
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 10:29pm

You cant do anything to change someones mind if they arent interested.

You may not have hit a woman and you may say you wont. But...

Real men...healthy men...DONT even IMAGINE hitting a woman.

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 4:43am
why don't you talk with someone who you have something in common with? like someone in one of your classes, or someone who you share an activity with? that would give you something to talk about. you have to lay a foundation before asking someone to lunch, or for a number. it takes time for me to see if i have chemistry with someone, or to see if i would like to find out, and if a guy asks me out too soon - as in before i have any clue who he is - he has no chance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 7:21am

I hate to say this to you, and I don't want you to feel hurt but it is in fact very simple: they walked away because they were not into you physically, didn't fancy you, didn't think you were hot, you were not their type, call it whatever you want. Doesn't matter what you say to them to approach them, when you say it or how you say it. End of story. When you one day soon chat up a (single and available, coupled but unhappy, or all around naughty lol) girl you fancy who will fancy you back just as much, she will waste no time giving you her phone number. I wish you luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 3:30pm
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever approach a girl when she is with her pack of friends unless you are George Clooney. Even if she is slightly interested she will not let you know because there is too much peer pressure by her friends, you have to make it with the girl and all her friends to be let in. Its even kind of hard to do it when there are only two of them together. Its best to wait until she breaks away from them, like when she goes to the garbage, goes to get food, is coming back from the bathroom, whatever. Its just better to do it when she is alone.