What is a date?

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
What is a date?
8
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 2:16pm

I realize when I do something social with a woman that she has a different set of expectations than myself. If our social outing is considered a "date" then there are certain set of expectations that come with that. If our social outing is just that, a friend-to-friend outing with no romantic expectations then there is a different set of expectations. Do you agree?

I am interested if other men/women have experienced a mis-communication on this point? Right now I look for activity partners, i.e. pleasant company that I can do things with. I have bought tickets for concerts, etc. and look for someone I can go with. I have invited women that are friends and women that I have met once or never met.

Comments? Experiences?

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 2:31pm
Are you saying you are worried about confusing women by asking them out as a friend when they might think it is a date?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 3:39pm

Yes, absolutely, there are different expectations and dynamics when it's a date than when it's two friends getting together.

A date, to me, is when 2 people get together and both have the intention that it could lead to a romantic relationship.

I think that if an outing is unclear and one person knows it's NOT a date and it's reasonable to assume the other person thinks it might be, then it's up to the person who knows it's not a date to make it clear the outing is as friends and not a date. So in the case of you inviting a woman you don't know or don't know well to a concert, I would make it clear to her that you're asking her to go as friends (assuming that's the case).

Sheri

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 7:01pm

Yes. It struck me that I am so use to just asking someone for company to do something with that I came with a different view of what the "relationship" is than the other person. For me, it's just an outing with pleasant company.

Would you have any expectations beyond just a good time?

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 7:09pm

I'd like to know as well...I guess you could call what I was on last night a "date". I met a guy from online, we went out, he paid, and we parted ways at the end of the evening. Now, I go out with my friends all the time and if I go out with a guy friend and he picks up the tab, is it a date? We would actually call some of our outings a date, more so we'd be out and I'd make a reference "I was here on a date once" and he'd say "well, we can call this a date", but then we'd go out a week later and it's not. I don't get it.

And just for kicks, I looked up on dictionary.com the definition of "date"

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/date

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket







Photobucket
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 7:48pm

I define a date as an outing with romantic intentions or with the intention of establishing a romance.

Otherwise it's a friends-type activity.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 12:09pm

yes, I'd say it's quite important that you're clear. It can be downright annoying when it's unclear, and that kind of situation makes me want to be neither friends nor anything more with the ambiguous asker.

I agree with Sheri that if you are asking someone on a datelike situation with only friendly intentions - spell that out.

A guy I worked with once asked me to dinner and a movie, after a good period of what to me was quite obvious flirting. He took me out, paid, acted nervous, everything, then dropped me off at my place without so much as a hug or getting out of his car. I was so surprised that I called him up maybe 20 minutes later and said, "were we just on a date?" and he said, "no!" Now, he did eventually want to date me, but that first experience was way too annoying for me to consider it.

My guess is you probably don't act like that annoying guy, but still - just something to think about. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 1:44pm

Oh, this is HUGE for me. I have no idea how men define "dates" anymore.

I really miss having guy friends and activity partners - and there's one guy I went out with a couple of times who I would love to have as a friend for hikes, tennis matches, etc. BUT - I have no idea if he thought the times we went out were "dates." We went for a hike once and a movie/coffee once. No touching or kissing. I'd love to broach the subject of just hanging out and being friends, but I'm not sure if he had been hoping for more.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: mhash
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 4:05pm

I have always looked at a date as a get-together between 2 or more friends, at a prearranged date, location and time.


So I guess that lunch (or dinner) with my best friend would be a date.


summer 2010 sig by Tara