What to do with a delusional mother!
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| Wed, 06-22-2005 - 6:36pm |
My 27 year old boyfriend of 2 years has a mother who is so delusional about his age and him growing up. It seems like the longer we are together the more she treats him and me like children but then at the same time continues to tell me that he is supposed to take care of her when he gets a better job and starts really making a "living"! Not to mention she bats her eyes at him when she is trying to guilt him into something. He totally doesn't see any of this and I try really hard to avoid all communication about why his mother and I don't really get along because I don't want to overstep my boundaries, but it's hard the more serious he and I get! We talk about marriage and I know he is the one for me, but this is a huge problem as she is really clingy to him and medles in our business, and tries to compete with me (which I avoid all competition)! I don't fight this back because she is his mother for goodness sake! Sometimes I feel that an ex girlfriend of his is trying to win him back or something! I am really at a loss and unsure of what to do! I respect him and I respect his parents (yes, both his mother and father are still married and she is healthy so no reason for her 27 year old son to take care of her)! I want this relationship to work out, but I need to know how to handle his mother and how he can help me handle her and get her to a good place in our relationship!!! I know that this can only get worse once marriage comes and then OMG CHILDREN!!!!!!
Confused and desperate,
Crystal

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Does your boyfriend know you feel this way?
What does he think of his mom's behavior?
What does she do besides think he should help support her?
ps... forgot to add that my exhusband's mother tried to overdose on pills two months before our wedding - she couldn't handle losing her "baby"... we're divorced (shocker!)
talk to your boyfriend about her before you make plans to get super-serious, please!
Edited 6/22/2005 11:53 pm ET ET by elysium2001
Do they have episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond on DVD yet?
Wow! OD because of her son's wedding? That is amazing.... and P.S. it wouldn't surprise me if his mom were to do something like that also! I am sorry to hear about your experience. She left his graduation party early because she got upset that he was dancing with me not to mention she was already upset that I was throwing the party for him. When the graduation pictures came back from that night she told me she was tearing those pictures of us dancing because she felt they were inappropriate.... no they were not inappropriate pictures by any means!!! We were just dancing and it was not freaky deaky dancing... two step dancing and we weren't even close! She just could not stand to see us dancing. She left the party way early and didn't even say goodbye to her son who had just graduated colleft. When we started dancing she just left the party and never came back! She was so upset that she even left her husband there and he had to get a ride back to the town they live in which was three hours away!!! Who leaves their husband because they want to pout?? It's crazy!!!! I feel really bad for her... I do!
Yes, I have talked to my boyfriend and he doesn't know what to do. He tells me that he would never allow her or her opinions to come in between us and she will just have to deal with it! For some reason that doesn't help me feel better about it! I want her to be accepting and I try so hard and she just doesn't want anything to do with me or "us" as a couple!
Crystal
I agree, but how do I set the boundaries? That is what I am really confused on! I really want to be with my boyfriend and refuse to give him up because she is crazy, but I also refuse to live a life of having to worry about the pouty and childish mother in law! Seriously! I am at a loss!
Is this normal? Do ALL mothers go through this with their sons? or is it just the crazy moms?? I would HATE to go through that as a mother! Shouldn't mothers be happy for their children?? It all just seems so selfish to me for a mother to be "scared to lose their baby." It just sounds so wrong and selfish to me! Is it normal for a mom to be that way or is it selfish???
Crystal
You know what?
If your boyfriend is totally cool with what's going on and he knows where you're coming from and isn't too tethered to mommy, you'll be ok...
But keep an eye out!
:-)
Mother in laws can be totally creepy!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I just got divorced from my hubby for he came from a controlling family and we never got along for they always tried to control us and thank god we had no kids I was too stressed out to have any in the end when his controlling family got in the way of our lives and our marriage it crumbled but I have to say I am very relived to be away from the drama if your man doesn't stand up now trust me it won't change as I was naive to think it would after you two get married he needs to set up boundaries and he needs to set up rules for his mother and trust me its not you honey its the controlling mother of his and she needs to stop treating her baby as a baby for hes not a baby hes 27 yrs old and he needs to put you two first and his family behind for its going to mess you two up emotinally you'll always be walking on egg shells he will always put her first and tell you to deal with it but I do hope he wakes up and I wish you the best but I had to deal 10 yrs of being emotinally abused by his family for when they were against me he was against me too w/out the love and the support our marriage got destroyed due to his unhealthy and messy family ways so tell him to put his foot down and start having boundaries before its too late !!
HUGS
There's one phrase that I learned in college that works when you want to say something...but
I am so sorry to hear about the problems you endured due to your ex husband's family. That is so horrible! I cannot believe that a "family" would make their son or daughter so miserable!! My family is FAR from this and I just don't understand! My parents are happy when I am happy and sad when I am sad, but never try to make my happy life sad to fulfill their own selfish needs! It's just amazing to me!
I did talk with my boyfriend, but what I need to do next is sit down and figure out exactly what boundaries he and I need to have when it comes to his Mom! You are right... I need to set the boundaries NOW and the problem needs to be resolved BEFORE we get married or I just can't walk down the aisle!!!! Thank you for your advice!
Crystal
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