What do I owe him?
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What do I owe him?
| Tue, 05-30-2006 - 11:32pm |
So I'm about to break up with a guy & I just have a question regarding what the "right" thing to do is because I seem to have a terrible, almost guy-like habit of messing this up. I've been seeing this guy for about 4 months now and just moved 2 hours away from him about 3 weeks ago. I wasn't sure how that would go, so I decided to keep the relationship going, figuring I could just go see him on weekends. Well, turns out I was insanely wrong - our work schedules don't quite mesh and all we could really work out is one night a week at his ridiculously uncomfortable, cramped place. And I pretty much decided I'm just not enough into him to make the commute & lose a night's sleep just for some so-so sex. So...now I have plans to see him this weekend, and frankly, just the thought of it makes me want to cry because I'm so tired from my new job. I really want nothing more than to just end it now & move on. I was going to just call him, cancel, and tell him I think we should break up, but I know for him it will seem like it just came out of no where. So is it ok for me to just do it suddenly like that over the phone? Or do I owe it to him to go see him in person? I know its probably the latter, but ugh...

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if too tired this weekend, tell him over the phone and agree to meet next weekend instead to discuss it. This way he will not be surprised either with the breakup.
You would be surprised at how some guys can be extremely emotional when it gets to breakup so if you dont want him bitter and mean in the future make some effort to cause him less misery.
I completely disagree.
I think I was worth the drive to say it to my face.
I was broken up with not too long ago after three months of dating, and I can not even imagine how much harder it would have been had he broken up with me over the phone. For me, it would say loud and clear that he never gave a damn and that the whole relationship was a lie on his part. That would add anger, resentment and confusion to my sadness, and that sucks.
I guess if you just want to end it, you can do whatever you want, and he'll have to deal with it. But if you do care how he views the relationship and you after it's over, I'd say do it in person.
I really genuinely don't understand how anyone could not see the difference between phone and in-person break-ups. My first stupid 'boyfriend' in middle school broke up with me by having his friend tell me over the phone. To this day, it pisses me off. Is that not the lamest, most immature, most indirect way to get rid of someone?
I'm sure you won't have a friend tell him over the phone, but doing it over the phone still just feels indirect and like you're trying to make this as easy on yourself as possible. On the phone, he can't really cry and he can't really just sit and soak it in silently, as he might in person. You're putting the whole burden of the break-up on him, when at least this little part - the actual break-up - ideally would be your burden.
So, as the broken-up with one, that's how I feel. Of course, you don't really have to take his feelings into account if you don't want to, but if you do, I think you know just as well as me that doing it over the phone would add some extra hurt and maybe some extra resentment. It's nice for both of you to keep pleasant memories.
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