What to Do With the Not Into You Guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
What to Do With the Not Into You Guy?
13
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 11:39am

What to Do With the Not Into You Guy?



  • Continue dating him and try and spark that interst back again.
  • Tell him flat out he's lost interest, it isn't good enough and dump him.
  • Downgrade him to casual status and explore other options.
  • Other (please explain).


You will be able to change your vote.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 11:48am

Long story short, I'd been dating this guy since January and from Jan-April things were going very well. We were talking everyday, seeing each other every week and he wanted to take a trip with me this summer and pestered me about getting a passport.

Well in the past month, that has all changed and he's displayed just about every 'he's not that into you' sign in the book. The calls, the time together, the initiative on his part has all dropped by half and when I approached him about it, he denies it claiming he's just gotten comfortable and is still interested. After a few lackluster dates, where he barely initiated kissing and any physical affection, I again asked if he wanted to just be friends since that is how I feel he's treating me. Again, he claims to want more and will try to make me feel more comfortable. Only days later, and I see no changes. He doesn't call, nor is he making any plans to see me. I've initiated everything for the past 3 weeks and I'm now hanging it up. I want to see if he'll actually step up and try to make changes.

So I want to know what you all would do in my situation ie. the poll. He claims to be interested, yet shows little to none. I don't know how you can date someone and not talk to them on weekends and when a long holiday weekend comes around, you not only don't even ask what they are doing but don't call at all the whole time. I feel like I'm not even on his radar. So I'm exploring other options but not sure if I should just dump him, keep him as a very casual option or continue to try (which I believe I already have).

This sucks!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 3:26pm

I'm a dumper. I have perhaps too much pride so when I sense things like this, I either leave them an easy out or I simply disappear altogether. It's usually the latter. Not the most mature way to handle it, I'm aware, but that's what I do.

Sorry for you. It's never fun falling for someone only to have them suddenly change their mind about you.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 3:29pm
You're a ghoster!! Total guy-like bail out there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 3:48pm

Sounds to me like he's doing that passive breakup thing where he pretty much ignores you until you finally break up, so HE doesn't have to be the bad guy in the situation.

If I were a real b*tch I may keep at him and MAKE him break up with me (well - maybe when I was younger and had more energy) but nowadays I just do it myself.

Yeah, I'd be inclined to just dump him. The not even calling over a long holiday weekend is a real indication of his feelings here.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 4:24pm
Trust me, I make absolute sure he's lost interest first. I just beat them to the punch, that's all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 4:56pm

Yeah, I hear ya. I've already had 2 talks with him and he keeps feeding me the same "I'm still interested" line so I'm more inclined to just disappear. On to new guys, new adventures and just forget about him.

Oh and as an update, he did text me this afternoon to say he hopes I had a relaxing weekend and that he's been to several cookouts and is stuffed from the food. So glad to hear he had fun this weekend, again without me. Ugh! So over this!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 6:52pm
Oh, he's one of those guys; totally oblivious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 7:09pm

Yep. I had to realize that this to him is just casual dating and not something he's giving any real thought. Darnit! Thought he wanted to plan a vacation together and was ready for a relationship. Guess not. So now I need to adjust my thinking that he's also not someone to take seriously.

*sigh* Story of my life.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 7:14pm
Hate when that happens. You seem to have a healthy outlook though, that's great.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 9:24pm
I chose other. I wouldn't really put the onus on that "he's not interested" I would just say that I'm not interested in the type of relationship he's offering with the level of interest he's exhibiting and break it off. Tell him good luck and move on.

Smile,

Deirdre

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