What to do?? Really Really long.
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| Sat, 01-28-2006 - 10:14pm |
Hi...I have been lurking until now because I'm confused on what this young lady is thinking. I met her at work; we work in different departments but would see her about everyday or so because of our jobs would require it at times. Well at the time when I started my job we both had significant others. Mine was out of state at school, (we had been together over 3 years at this point) and hers was gone on work business most of the time. Anyway, we became friends over the next 6 months. Well she broke up with her b/f in October and I was having issues with my g/f. We would flirt at work...nothing I would be ashamed of; it was just giving each other a hard time. I never looked at her as "my type" but somebody that I could hang out with and we could have a good time.
Well over t-giving my g/f was back in town and when she left we were "on a break". We weren't going to make a rash decision about anything because she would be back home for a month in December and we thought lets see what happens when she is back. Well a long story short, I found out she had been hanging out with a guy a lot and he kissed her. Well...for me that was it. It was over for us. I was very heart broken and didn't think it could get much worse. Well, less than 72hrs later, I was laid off from work. I knew it was coming but I didn't think it was that bad. My friend from work was on the phone to her mom asking if she could help find me a job (I didn't know this till a few days later when she told me). Well the next few days were difficult for me; I didn't know what I was going to do. I ended up going out with some friends that following Friday for a few drinks. I had been emailing txting with my friend at work and told her to call me this weekend if she wanted to. I was at the bar and she called to see what I was doing and told her I was out but I wanted her to come out if she wanted. She was there in 20 mins and I was really happy to see her. We had fun that night, we ended up going to a different bar with my friends and I ended up holding her hand. It was great to have that feeling again (which I hadn't had in so so long).
The next night I was down at some other friends' house (I was spending the night there) and we were going to play games and hangout with another couple we are friends with. My friend and I were txt messaging back and forth for awhile and my buddy said "why don't you just invite her down". At first I didn't think she would come down since it's almost an hour drive from where she lives (I live in the same general area) but with the encouragement from my friends and having enough vodka/tonic, I had all the courage I needed to call. She answered and I asked and she said she would call me right back. It wasn't 2 minutes later (seemed like hours) she called and said she would be on her way in a few minutes and would call when she got close. Again, the next hour I felt the butterflies and excitement I hadn't felt in so long.
She finally showed up and we had a great time. My friends were very impressed with her how we got along and could tease each other and have so much fun. They told me that she had the personality I needed to "date" if I didn't "date" her. I walked to out to her car and gave her a big hug and we chatted. I kissed her quickly and shut her door on her car. She left and we talked the next day about if she could take me to the airport (I was going home for the holidays for 2 weeks since I didn't have a job to worry about). We talked a lot over the next few days but I didn't think anything would come of it. My friends were encouraging me to just let it happen but don't close yourself off. It was difficult for me because it was just over a week after I ended a 4 yr relationship and I was hangout with someone else.
I would txt her in the morning when I was back home before I got to the job site (I worked construction for my bro to make some money) she would be driving to work when I would txt her. This went on for the next 2 weeks and we would talk a couple times a day, just quick hi's...but would talk about our days in the evenings. I also sent flowers to her at work for taking me to the airport and picking me up (and because she had never gotten flowers at work from "a boy she liked"). I came back and we hung out and talked a lot before she had to go for a business trip, and I of course took her to the airport and planned on picking her up. I did, and took a flower with me to the airport for her. We hung out that night and had a great time...we had talked briefly during the day when she was at work, but then had good/fun lengthy convo's after she got done with work on her trip. Things were going well...or so I thought. I asked her 2 weeks ago if she liked "our situation" (not dating but more than just friends). We agreed we both had a few concerns because she was just out of a LTR that was difficult on her and I was just out of a very long LTR and that she didn't know if she wanted another serious boyfriend/relationship just yet. I agreed to her concerns because I felt the same way.
I did realize though...the feelings I had a few weeks earlier of not wanting to date her...were now changing to I WANT to date her, not at that moment...but def would if she wanted to. The following week, the calls were as frequent and the txt messages were not existent. We had plans to go to my friends’ house and hangout on Saturday but I could tell she wasn't to motivated to go. I told her that if she was tired from working (she also has a part time second job) that it was ok if she wanted to do her own thing. Well...I didn't her from her for a day or two...we did talk on Friday and she said she had to go into work before she went to her part time job on Saturday so she didn't think she would want to go sat night. I did call though on Saturday afternoon to see if I could convince her to come out for a bit but only got voice mail. She did text me back that night saying she was sleeping when I called. I txt'ed her back saying thanks for letting me know and we would talk later. Well that was over a week ago and I haven't heard from her. I haven't called or txt'ed on advice from my friends.
I know this is soooo very long but the details are very important in trying to portray what's going on. I have no idea what changed or if she got scared that she was falling for somebody even though she "didn't want to" because she wasn't ready. I didn't think I could open myself up to somebody after what I had just gone through but I was starting to...and also falling for her.
Thanks for all the insight.

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It's obvious she likes you.
She was the one with the concerns...because I asked how she felt...and she said she liked where things were...and I agree with her that I too like where things were. I wish that I could take it back...I didn't want to scare her off. But...the thing is...because of who I am...I would do anything for her (or anybody) to make them happy. I never said I didn't want anything serious because of what my heart was telling me...she was the one that "didn't know" what she wanted...and that is why I agreed with what she said. I was scared to tell her what my true feelings were because of what she might say. I would just like the closure or something to let me know what she is thinking. I want to call and ask...but I don't want to be the one that "won't go away" either. IDK. It makes me just not want to date or meet other people. I don't care for the games.
Thanks..
-me
It can be flipped around too.
Yes...it could be turned around, and if that's the case why couldn't she be honest and tell me. Don't tell me you like the things they way they are and then stop all communication. My friends think I need to wait to call her, but I don't know if that's the best thing to do. It's only been a week and the ball is in her court, she could call me if she wanted to talk. Idk...just tired of not being treated with respect and not having people be honest with me.
Thanks for the advice though...
-me
I thought about doing that...but I know she is swamped this week at work. I was going to see what happens if she calls this week and maybe suggest that later on for mid week next week.
thanks..
-me
I can't tell from your post, but when you have "hung out" with her, has it always been in a group of friends? Have your recent invites to her been for group outings?
I ask because she might think you are not interested in dating her if you don't offer to spend alone time with her. For me, I get really annoyed when a guy only wants to hang out with me AND a group of his friends. Friends are fun, but that doesn't qualify as a date in my mind. You can't develop a real relationship in a group.
So, my advice would be, send her the message (as other posters have suggested) but make it clear that you would like to take her out somewhere - just the two of you. I'd avoid telling her you want to "hang out," because that comes across as very casual. Maybe say something like, "I'd really like to see you. How about the two of us go out to dinner at X on Saturday."
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I agree, we haven't had a "date"...recently became unemployed right befor christmas so it was a little difficult justifying "going out" when I have no money coming in. We did however spend time together at her place where I did cook a couple of times. Now that I have a job (still no paycheck till next week) I was hoping to go out with her last weekend for my b.day to dinner...but then all this happened. I will prob send her an email tomorrow (wednesday) or thursday to see if she wants to do something casual this weekend. I already have a dinner party that I have to go to on Sat...but maybe see if she wants to catch a movie sat night.
Thanks for your help...
-me
AJ, enjoying life with C.
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