What to do when you've given up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
What to do when you've given up?
6
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 1:30am

Hi,


Just wondering if anyone had some ideas on what I should do now that I've given up on trying to find a man. I already go to grad school and am involved in a theatre outside of that all while working full time, so time for new hobbies is a little short at the moment.


I met this guy who I thought really liked me. Everything seemed to be going well...until he decided that he didn't have time for me any more as a result of his new job. Now, I'm a busy woman, but I'm also a practical one. I told him I understood all that and I didn't want him to give up his life for me, but if we really like each other maybe we can try to meet for coffee once a week for an hour on like a Sunday morning. I was even open to compromising to one hour every two weeks. He still didn't have the time. Of course, I was so stupid I couldn't tell he was giving me the boot while trying to spare my feelings.


This happens to me all the time. Guys always "don't have the time" for me so I've decided that 10 years of singledom and only having sex 11 times in my life has taught me something: I'm not meant for a relationship. I'm not meant to be happy. I'm meant to be alone and that is the way it is. I want a relationship but I'm never going to have one. I'm 27 and it's over for me.


So, what do I do now?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 11:12am

Oh, woot, I want to pat your hand and go "there, there."

I don't think you can really say you aren't meant for a relationship if indeed that is what you want. I know it can feel that way (believe me). I don't think anyone is "meant to be alone and unhappy." And trust me, 27 is young...it is not over for you.

You sound like an interesting person if you're in graduate school, working and are involved in a theater, so I hardly think you're some loser. Something else must be at work here, and it makes me wonder if there are some family of origin issues going on.

I would urge you to seek counseling about this. I'm thinking your self-esteem is pretty low, and a good therpist could really help you in this area.

Take care, and I wish you all the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 11:16am

I know some might say it is a "negative" attitude to give up - but I gave up too.


Like you, I have been very unlucky (I joke I am cursed, except it doesnt feel like a joke at 29). The plain fact is that all my life guys have never been interested in me, despite the fact that I am attractive, have a good job, am socially active etc. I don't have low self esteem; in fact, I wonder why guys dont see in me what I see in myself, but they just dont!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 11:15pm
Oh god it really doesn't get any better. I keep telling myself I'm only 25, it'll get better in a couple years. But you all are a couple years older than me. *sigh* I don't have any helpful advice other than to consider turning the energy/desire for a significant other into something else you love. Work, family, friends, a hobby, travel, volunteering, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2007
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 11:19pm
Wow...I'm not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
Tue, 11-27-2007 - 2:27am
god its so refreshing and disappointing at the same time to know im not alone. i dont understand any of it!! i'm sure most of the women that post here are beautiful, funny, educated women in their 20s and 30s...and why are we having so much trouble dating? like everyone else here, i've been on one bad date after another or dated guys for a few weeks or so before they just disappear. i got out of a 2 year relationship in may and ever since then it seems like a downward spiral, trying desperately to meet a nice, normal guy. i know they say that when you stop looking and just live your life, thats when the right guy just lands on your doorstep. but as the days tick by, the fear in all of us grows, making this impossible not to think about. i dont really have any great advice...i've tried meeting guys in bars and clubs, bookstores, volunteering, sporting events, etc. if these didnt work them i'm completely out of ideas. but i would love if someone else had some ideas of their own!! good luck to all of us who are in the same situation =)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 5:56pm
>>i've tried meeting guys in bars and clubs, bookstores, volunteering, sporting events, etc. if these didnt work them i'm completely out of ideas. but i would love if someone else had some ideas of their own!!



If you want to meet men, consider moving to America. There is a large swath of land between NYC and SFO where normal people live.