What do you call it?
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| Thu, 03-02-2006 - 11:38am |
So the guy I've been "seeing" for almost 2 months (haha, a record for me!) called me last night and we were talking and I was bitching about how I may have to pay $1600 for my taxes and I said “well, that was going to be my down payment for braces but now that’s going to be put on hold again” and he said (again), “you don’t need braces, you’ve got a beautiful smile already” and I said “would you stop dating me if I got braces?” and he hesitated for a second so I said “like when you asked me if I would stop seeing you if you smoked and I said no?” and he said “no, I guess not…I don’t really consider us dating” and I didn’t know what to say so I said “sorry, I used that D word, was I not supposed to?” and he just said “we’re good friends that spend time together and hang out” and then said “dating is just so all encompassing, I just hate terms like that” (GREAT!). So I said “well I’ve never used those terms so what do I know?” Apparently to him, dating means exclusivity and a full-blown relationship?
So we’re not dating, I don’t consider myself a FWB, is “seeing each other” the same as dating? I mean, with his crazy schedule, we see each other as much as we can (usually twice a week), we talk on the phone virtually every day, when we are together, things are wonderful, he's very affectionate, we have a great time together, he's so sweet, it's obvious that he cares about me, but why do guys have such a problem with labels?



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Ugh.
I agree with Stacey, it sounds like he's keeping his options open. Who knows why, but the thing is, he did tell you. If you're ok with that, then now you know. If you're not ok with it, therein lies the decision.
Either way, there's nothing wrong but I do think you have to agree to be on the same page at some point.
P.S. Your pic makes me SO excited about my trip next week!
How was the cruise?
"why do guys have such a problem with labels?"
Guys who are really into a girl do not have a problem with labels. In fact, they would be proud to be labeled as your boyfriend. On the other hand, a guy who has no intentions of ever being in a relationship with you are the ones that claim that "dating is just so all encompassing". Sorry to say but he is full of bs! I'd say you keep your options open and find a man that wants to be with you because this one doesn't.
We both had a talk early on and he was honest about needing to take things slow but expressed his interest in me, and we're exclusive in some areas (the bedroom) but he has told me when he goes out with someone, and yeah, I'm not crazy about it, and everyone keeps telling me "he's probably sleeping with women all over town!" but he hasn't given me a reason to not trust him, he is very open and honest with everyone in his life, and if I meet someone that I want to go out with, I'll go on a date.
I know it probably sounds like I'm making excuses for him, I'm not, and I like how things are going right now and hope they continue to move forward. We'll see! It is just annoying that so many guys hate using terms/labels.
My cruise was great, by the way! Jamaica was fantastic! Highly recommend it :) where are you going?
I thought he flat out told you at the beginning he didn't want a relationship...am I misremembering? If so, you need to get this thought out of your head that it's going to "progress"...*this* is what it is and as much as it will be.
I would call what you're doing "casual dating"...sex and companionship, you care about each other, etc, but without the intent of forming any sort of serious relationship or having a possible future together.
Regardless of the labels or lack thereof, he was reminding you of that lack of intent.
Sheri
Just by looking at the word, I think that anyone who goes on dates can say they are "dating."
What it's going to come down to with this guy is whether or not you are getting what you really want. And, I'm going to venture to guess what you really want is a relationship that's completely a relationship. No waiting, no guessing, no wondering.
We're going to Key West, Nassau and another island I can't remember the name of right now. I can't wait! Aren't islands great? :-)
Hahaha, would you stop sexing me if I got braces?
That's hilarious!
Labels are shorthand words for something more. I can relate on what the words "dating," "relationship," and other such loaded words would mean to others. I think that this is where direct, honest dialog comes into play (wow, what a concept). I seek to connect with women who are willing to "go there," i.e. tell me what their doubts, assumptions, fears, and misunderstandings for that what makes it more honest.
I would just ask him about what he wants and tell him what you are thinking and concerns are.
Mark
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