What do you call it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
What do you call it?
13
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 11:38am

So the guy I've been "seeing" for almost 2 months (haha, a record for me!) called me last night and we were talking and I was bitching about how I may have to pay $1600 for my taxes and I said “well, that was going to be my down payment for braces but now that’s going to be put on hold again” and he said (again), “you don’t need braces, you’ve got a beautiful smile already” and I said “would you stop dating me if I got braces?” and he hesitated for a second so I said “like when you asked me if I would stop seeing you if you smoked and I said no?” and he said “no, I guess not…I don’t really consider us dating” and I didn’t know what to say so I said “sorry, I used that D word, was I not supposed to?” and he just said “we’re good friends that spend time together and hang out” and then said “dating is just so all encompassing, I just hate terms like that” (GREAT!). So I said “well I’ve never used those terms so what do I know?” Apparently to him, dating means exclusivity and a full-blown relationship?

So we’re not dating, I don’t consider myself a FWB, is “seeing each other” the same as dating? I mean, with his crazy schedule, we see each other as much as we can (usually twice a week), we talk on the phone virtually every day, when we are together, things are wonderful, he's very affectionate, we have a great time together, he's so sweet, it's obvious that he cares about me, but why do guys have such a problem with labels?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 8:57pm
I agree with Mark and a couple of other posters. I think you should have a talk with him about what you want and expect while "dating" someone and see how he reacts. It seems to me though that this might be a FWB situation. Maybe he just wants to take things slow but maybe he never intends on having a relationship with you. Ask him if he wants to progress in that direction or if he just wants to keep it casual for the long haul. If you are not ok with just having a casual FWB situation which it doesn't sound like you are I would cut your losses early on because you don't want to get hurt even more later on. Have the talk with him ask him what he wants with this and if you 2 aren't on the same page it probably won't work out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 2:51pm

Honestly, I have no idea how guys think. i have no idea why guys are so scared of any kind of committment. It is really rediculous and immature, but that's a story for a differnt posting : )

here's the thing, if he was really into you he would not have had a problem with the term dating. If you've been seeing him for two months and he has a problem with it then I would say he always will. Seeing eachother and dating are the same thing. If he wants to classify it as just friends that hang out then you two probably want different things. You could play it out and hope for more from him down the road but that very well may never happen. OR you could jump ship and find a guy who really is into you and is happy to say you are dating or that you are his girlfriend. There are a milloin of good guys out there. Good Luck with whatever decision you make!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 7:41pm
Yeah I agree (from experience) with the other posters. Any guy who says this is playing the field, or still wants to. It's a fact. If a guy wants to be with you he absolutely won't hesitate. And labels won't bother him. Don't make excuses for him. If he wants to be with you, he will and he won't make you wonder.

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