What do you do about your work crush?
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| Sun, 03-26-2006 - 7:52pm |
Hey guys,
I was wondering what some of you have done about work crushes. There's this guy in my building (quick note: my office space is a large room with enclosed glass offices and cubicles. Companies can rent work stations so I work in a space with about 10 other companies. My crush works for a software company for an international company and is the only employee at their Manhattan location so technically we don't work together). We're one of the first ones in in the morning and almost always end up in the kitchen together making tea and coffee, respectively. I'm a huge wiseass with guys I like (yes, I still act like a 10 year old when I like boys, never got the sexy siren thing down) and thought perhaps I was overdoing it and started to ease up but he's assured me since he's from Ireland sarcasm "runs in his blood." He's absolutely adorable (and I love the hint of an Irish brogue) and I've noticed he's begun saying hello when we catch each other's eye (from what I can tell he's pretty shy - I don't see him talk to anyone but the general office manager). I even noticed last week, when I was out running errands and passed him on the street that he was staring at me (didn't realize it was him in time to say hello or smile, I was kind of zoning but noticed at the last second he was looking right at me.)
However, I haven't gotten a chance to have a really good convo with him (one of my co-workers, an older divorcee going through a rough time doesn't like me talking to him and always comes and interupts us when we're talking but she's a whole other post). I'd love to get to know him better and maybe become lunch buddies but don't know how to progress from the occasional "hi" to "what are you doing for lunch?" Also, I'd hate for my boss to think I'm being anything less than professional (again, it's a big open space and if you really sit and listen you can hear what EVERYONE is doing and saying). Have any of you ever tried to get a work crush to progress further or do you think it's a situation I should just leave as is?
Thanks.
Dominique

Well, as far as getting it to progress to something beyond a hello, you could just ask him what he's doing for lunch. It doesn't have to mean anything, I have lunch all the time with people I work with that I'm not neccessarily interested in dating.
I also have lunch with a guy from work I am interested in dating, so when he flirts with me, I flirt back. I'm letting him do all the work, though, and that's a whole other story, but my suggestion would be to ask him casually in the morning when you're making your tea what he's doing for lunch... maybe if he knows of any good places to eat or something, and see what he says. He might not be interested, but then you'd have your answer, without having it be too awkward if he weren't.
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First things first...make sure that if you do date, and it doesn't work, that you'll be OK with still seeing him every day.
Last summer, I dated a guy I worked with, thought we were great together, that I had really found the one that would go the distance, since we had been friends for over 6 months and I didn't think he'd want to screw that up and still have to work with me.
Well...I was wrong.
It didn't go very far...only far enough to sleep with him, which now makes for very awkward coffee breaks.
I now make it a policy to never date anyone I work with.
Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but having to make polite work conversation with someone who's seen me buck-ass naked isn't my idea of a good workday.
Well in all honesty, I think I've only had three office crushes.
Only 1 turned into a six year relationship and the other two did nothing but fade away.
With the first one, the guy who turned into my boyfriend, I liked him I think long before he noticed me. When he eventually did notice me, he'd flirt with me and I'd be shy at first but then I started flirting back. I began to notice him hanging around me alot but I still did nothing but wait for him. I did give him the okay and let him know I enjoyed his attention by smiling and flirting back and laughing at his jokes and so forth. He then asked me if he could drive me home after work. I told him fine and that's when we talked. But, I waited for him to take the initiative first.
With the other two, I flirted and laughed at their jokes and smiled back and so forth but they never took bait because I think, well one was in a relationship I didn't know about and I believe the other one was too.
So I let those two fade out. I did nothing because I felt like I showed them I was open but they just weren't available or interested enough to take it to the next level.
So my theory remains that if he's interested enough and you're giving him the vibe, then he should definitely take the hint and go after what he wants if he wants it at all.
From a male point of view, I've long since concluded there's little if anything to be gained by actively pursuing a romantic interest at the workplace...it puts too much at risk.
I actually broke my own rule a couple of years ago and decided to make a an effort on a crush at my then-employer...we didn't directly work together and we were on casual small-talk terms, so one day in the most casual, pressure-free way possible, I floated the concept of going for lunch in the near future.
Yes, I've thought of this, which is why I haven't done anything about it. And although we work for the same company, we don't work together, so the only time I see him is lunch breaks. If it came down to it, I could switch my lunch breaks around, or take them somewhere else.
But, I have worked with people I've dated before, and it can get awkward, even while you're still dating. I agree, and am usually very hesitant to do this. Unfortunately, when most of us spend more time at work than we do anywhere else, it's also the place where we meet the most people!
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yes, i dated a co-worker before. here's my story...
he worked in a totally different department, building, and we NEVER worked together on a team. his boss just happens to be in my building and i met him through a lady that is on his team, but sits on my floor (yes, our company's people are not typically sitting in the same area). for a good 3-4 months he had this crush on me and almost EVERYONE knew that he did, but i was pretty shy around people i really don't know. well, he grew on me and had lunch with him and other co-workers a couple of times. then he pretty much asked me out.
everything was PERFECT until he started pushing his religious beliefs on me by asking to go to church events/sermons, etc. he asked if i could meet his friends at church and i told him i would love to meet his friends, but not in that environment...i thought that was fair. i told him that i supported him and he said he wanted to work things out...well, 2 weeks later he dumped me over the phone (i still can't get over that approach) the week after new year's, which btw, he spent with his tight christian social network...i feel his friends pretty much made the decision for him because throughout our short-lived (approx 8 wks or so) he would always say "my friend(s) said i should not see you often" or "my friend(s) said this/that...". he's a smart, smart guy, but when it came to our relationship, his friends pretty much made the decisions for him...
...so going back to the work situation...for a good 2.5 months he TRIED to avoid me by weaving through the cubicles to go to the conference rooms that were 5 - 15 feet away from my cube (my cube is literally facing these conf rooms)...i know this because people would tell me...then one day someone knocks on my cube and lo and behold it was my ex-bf.
he said "hi" and asked "how are you?"...it was awkard, but like an adult, i started telling him a funny story to break the weirdness. he then started saying "hi" to me and chit-chat almost every other day for about 2 weeks...and at one point, he even sat in the small conference room right behind my cube ALL DAY LONG! well, after his frequent visits and him in the conf room all day...i started creepin' out...so i haven't seen him in about 2 weeks now, which is fine and i still know HE tries to avoid me...i wish he would act like more of an adult/work professional then a child...
dating in the workplace is really at your own risk...
I do agree that dating in the workplace, whether you work directly with each other or not, poses certain risks, but doesn't any type of dating pose risks? Anytime you open your heart to anyone you run the risk of getting your heart broken, or being the one to break someone's heart. Everyday you walk out of your house you run the risk of seeing an ex on the street, at the coffee shop, at a friend's house, in a bar, etc. I can't help but think dating itself is risky business. I totally understand what you're saying - sitting a few cubicles away is very different from passing on a street or meeting at a party where you can leave asap but on the flip side of that, no risk, no possible gain, right?
What gets me is I think about the "work" relationships that did work out. Like my friends who did meet their husband or wife at work (I can name 3 off the top of my head who met their partners at work). On the flip side, I think about my best-friend, who got involved with her boss who turned out to be an a--hole and she had to continue working under him for a year before he moved on. It was rough on her but she made it through with her dignity (no one at work knew they were dating). But that's what dating is all about right? You win some, you lose some and time and place don't always factor in. If it's meant to be it'll be.
Go for it! Even if nothing comes of it a little flirting at work never hurt anyone. It makes the day go faster and makes you feel sexy and witty and clever. At least it does for me.
My work crush must be on vacation this week so it's been a slow one for me. Hopefully he'll be back next week.