What does dating mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
What does dating mean?
18
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 3:10pm

Today has turned into a day to face the truth. Ouch.

My beloved older beau left this morning after a very unspectacular first whole night together.

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 6:24pm
Hmmm...I'm reluctant to say this, but I will. I anticipated you'd find a flaw with the older guy and that it wouldn't take long. I never thought I'd say this to a single person, but I think your expectations of men and relationships are way too high. They aren't all sunshine and roses! All relationships have awkward, boring, mad, blah moments. The test is whether you can be realistic and get through the occasional bad day to enjoy the good ones.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 7:31pm

I think that's a factor of time spent together, don't you, Shy?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 7:36pm
But why make a snap judgement that it's going to be bad after one bad night?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 8:34pm

Well your last sentence is definitely the truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 9:16pm

Music,

Thank you for your evocative response.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 11:37pm
The problem is then that you seem to have this pattern, at least with us. You first seem so determined that the new guy you've gone out with is so fabulous and you're done with all other men. A few days later, you've found his fatal flaw that makes it impossible to date him. For weeks (or months), though, you seem to still be thinking about these guys for whatever reason. I'm not sure if you're still seeing them or not, but it seems like you are.

It reminds me of a little kid who always HAS to have a new doll and that doll is the most special one ever, and the kid promises to play with it for ever and ever. But inevitably, the new doll gets thrown in the toy box with all the other old dolls that she had to have when a new doll comes out that she must have. Of course, she can't get rid of any of the old dolls because they all were the best at some point. In the end, though, you end up with a room full of dolls you can't possibly give enough attention to.

You're collecting men like little girls collect dolls. If you truly want a meaningful relationship, you have to learn what men are truly worth dating in the first place (ignore the flashy packaging or credit cards on those first dates) and how to let go of (don't buy) the ones you know won't work.

I also have to tell you, since I'm trying to be honest about my feelings, I truly think that if you ever met me (or most of us here, to be honest) you'd consider us beneath you. My Midwestern employee ways just wouldn't be good enough to meet your standards. For that reason, I can't figure out why you think you're not being picky enough. I think you're simply being picky about the wrong things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 1:53am

Actually, I have two social standards:

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2011
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 6:32pm
Hi Marina, shy, music lover, et al. I have been lurking on this board for months and registered so I can join in the discussion. Marina, I am so with you on this. After ending a long term marriage I entered the dating scene about three years ago. I am in my fifties, and feel like a teenager with my crazy dating woes. So not sure if it's my age or the pool of men out there or my over pickiness or all of the above but it does seem like "the one" is hard to find. Marina, you are very honest with your feelings about the men in your life - that each has one or more flaws. I wonder how many of us feel exactly the same way but don't really want to express it. I have dated quite a bit, am not as sought after as you seem to be Marina, but I get my fair share of attention. And as much as I want a relationship and want to make it work with each of the guys I've gone out with, it seems like there is generally something wrong. And maybe that's the reality for us older singles.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 7:07pm

First of all, Darkeyedgal, thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2011
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 8:33pm
Your situation brings to mind the episode of SATC where Samantha has made the mental leap and agrees to be with a wealthy older guy and even gets into bed with him. However, she sees his naked and presumably saggy wrinkled rear end and realizes that all the financial security in the world can't compensate. LOL

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