What does sex have to do with respect?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
What does sex have to do with respect?
31
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 3:40pm

When it comes to either casual sex or sleeping with man they’re dating really soon after they started seeing each other, it seems that most women are dead set against it. When asked why, they say that they don’t do it because they want to be respected.

That makes no sense to me. Why would you fear being DISrespected? Why is respect even an issue? You might as well be saying “I don’t want to sleep with him too soon because I don’t want him to think I’m a space alien.”

Are you afraid of being called a “whore” or a “slut”? Because I have never heard a man (who wasn’t a 50 year old Evangelist nutcase) complain about a girl sleeping with them too soon or being too promiscuous. No man has ever said “Ew, you want to sleep with me ALREADY? What are you, some whore?” In fact, I’ve rarely ever heard a man use “whore” or “slut” as an insult, and when they do, it usually has nothing to do with the sex life of the woman they’re using it against.

So that said, why are so many women against casual sex or sleeping with a guy they started seeing right away? Why can't they be happy that they can, at will, find almost any willing sexual partner who's willing to leave it at sex and not bring in any entangling drama or complications?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 10:41pm

Interesting. I was much more likely to make exceptions when I was younger and lacking in self-confidence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 8:50am

Sorry, there is no "Girls Who Like Casual Sex" store.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 8:54am

Still though, NONE of the women here have made an exception for ANYBODY? NONE of you ever had a one night stand or a friend with benefits?


Yes, I have, but both times were with men who were confident and just talked to me, there was chemistry, we went back to his place, he'd start kissing me, and it would just take off from there.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 12:48pm
Me too, I was more open minded about that sort of thing when I was much younger, unfortunately ; )
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 1:03pm

For me, it wasn't so much being more open-minded (although that's how I tried to play it off at the time) as not realizing it was ok that I wasn't really comfortable with casual sex. I thought I "had" to be and that there was something wrong with me that I wasn't.

I'm now much more accepting of the fact that that's just how I am. I still wish I could be ok with it (it would make my life much easier sometimes!) but I'm just not built that way.

And there was also the whole feeling like I needed to put out to keep a guy thing that I think a lot of young women fall prey to.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 1:25pm

At that past age, I was all about "finding the right guy," and doing the whole American dream thing: getting married, having kids, yadda, yadda, yadda, so I wasn't into sleeping around, or sleeping with a guy too quickly.

Nowadays, I'm older, doesn't look like I'm ever going to be married, even less possibility of having kids (at my age), and so forth, so I'd consider a one-night stand. I guess you could say I've given up! :) Of course, it all depends on whether I care or not if I hear from the guy afterwards. If I DO care - then no, I won't do it. If I don't - then I'm more tempted to go for it. Although, like I said, I *did* it a few years ago, and didn't really like it much. Sort of a waste of time. But that's where the mindset came from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:10pm

Ok, I couldn't resist repeating myself:
1) For casual sex, hire a prostitute, some even have "regular johns". Sadly prostitution is legal in Nevada.
2) Grow up.
3) Travel around the world.
4) Write back on this forum after 5 years of experience.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 2:14pm
I wasn't altogther comfortable with it in my twenties either but I felt that I had a point to prove. I wish that I had someone older in my life back then who had some experience in that area. Someone who could have shared the ups and downs of casual sex with me. I have four nieces and you had better believe that when the time comes, I'm going to have a long talk with each of them(with their parents blessings of course).
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 5:14pm

Nope, he's already told us repeatedly he won't hire a prostitute because he wants to have sex with a woman who he desires who desires him back.

But like I said, they don't all hang out in any one magical place, so...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 7:28pm

hey, but even prostitutes have feelings and choices, you know....they can sometimes pick and choose....and he doesn't want the "drama" of a relationship, you know the effort and work that a relationship takes, you know the "foreplay" of getting to know each other and developing a mutual healthy relationship with some sexual interest....and well it's either cash to get things done in a hurry or work to do it yourself, and work takes time and practice....neither of which he is interested in attempting!