What Gives Then The Right????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
What Gives Then The Right????
10
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 9:55pm

I have been Match for a while now and found it to be not only fun, but a great way to meet guys outside of the bar scene. Lately, I have been "attracting" a lot of losers... Meaning, I have been getting emails from guys that are sexual in manner. I am beyond irritated at this point becuase really, what gives them the right??? There was this one guy I wrote about late last week, he is a chef and he was comming on strong the first night. I was out of town so we had not chatted, even though we triedto reach each other. Then I get this email from him tonight telling me that he is a great cook and wants to cook with me. Plus, get this,......... he has a small member and loves BJs. WTF!!! I took my profile down. I cannot take this.

Has anyone else encountered these type of jerks????

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 10:20pm

Nope, can't say that I have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 10:45pm

I havent either. But at least you know why he was so 'eager' in the beginning and were spot-on when it came to being jeebie-ish with him and his advances.

What a tool.

Rubyshoes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 11:32pm

It's not just him... It's the second email like that in the past two weeks from Match guys. I seriously had to look over my profile to see if there was something inviting these jerks. Nope. Nothing. Of course, to make it worse, the old guy I dated who ended up being the biggest jack*ss, emailed me wanting a "friends with benefits" relationship with me. I told him to never contact me again before, but he did not listen.

I am taking a break from dating. I cannot take this crap....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 11:54pm

I'm sorry. Really I am. The men in this world make me wonder sometimes how I'll be able to raise a son to be honorable and decent and a girl that will find a decent guy and not settle for the scrapheap.

Hang in there. Take a break if you need to or maybe switch dating sites. Maybe there is a better selection or more decent guys on other sites. Eharmony? Lavalife? Yahoo? Maybe its just bad luck with Match.

Men really don't have the right to be jerks to women. And women shouldnt lower themselves to put up with it either.

I think some ice cream is in order...I'm raising my spoon to the women of the world that demand more respect and a better selection of men

Rubyshoes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 12:04am
I too wonder why there are so many men out there who are just not worthy of the women who have their act together. I truley believe there are way too many single women out there that are catches and men out there who are single because they just couldn't get their act together and no woman would put up with their crap. It does make me wonder as well about there being a shortage of good fathers who are good role models for their children. The dating world is extremely frustrating especially when you hit your 30s and it just seems to get harder.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 9:48am
I have had the same problem, one from past, one from online, one from present that I just met. The ex bf thought he could get me to be a FWB thing, uh, no I am better than that. The guy that I did meet online 2 years ago (we did have a blind date, his friend and my sister went w/ us and they are now married) we tried to date but his is just to forceful sexually for me, however I have tried to remain friends w/ him b/c he is my brother in laws best friend. He still wanted more after I told him to leave me alone, etc. I finally decided to try to be nice to him as friends once again, we talked over text message (that is the only way he will talk to me??????!!!) but right in the middle of a decent coversation, he has to say something sexual and completely offends me. When I didn't text him back after that, the next day he texts me and says "you horny"? I am done w/ him, he is a creep!! Then the recent guy, I met him through my friend. He is a nice guy, but I was NEVER interested in him, honestly. I would join in casual conversation w/ him and others, and he became interested and told my friend this. She informed me and I told her that I would tell him I am not interested for several reasons, but basically nip it in the bud before it got out of control. Well my friend saw him before me and she let him know that I was not interested b/c I just got out of a relationship and I am enjoying my alone time, get this... he says that is ok, I just want to use her for sex. WTF????? I had 2 - yes 2 conversations w/ him, never led him to believe that #1 I was intersted and #2 that I wanted to have sex w/ him. He doesn't even know me, why does he think I would just have sex w/ him??? These are the guys I encounter and I am about ready to give up to. Right now I guess this "break" from dating is working out in my favor. Any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 1:44pm

Hey,

I was on Match a few years ago and never got any responses like that. However, now I'm on MySpace, not to date but just to have fun with my friends who are scattered around the country, and I get a few disgusting emails.

It p----s me off when I get stuff like that - you're right, what gives them the right? But I've learned it's better not to give them the upper hand because then they've won. I would suggest you put your profile back up. Don't let some a--hole dictate what you're going to do. If you've met nice people on Match in the past you'll meet nice guys in the future. It would be a shame to miss out on a new friend or boyfriend just because some idiot never matured past the 7th grade. Don't even respond to those emails, just delete them. And in a weird way it's kind of a compliment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 2:19pm
Join the club of dissatisfied Match members. I've been on for a month and I am getting the grossest guys winking and emailing me. I showed one of my friends their pics and she said "They sure are big dreamers!". I've had several email me that didn't post thier pic and I was told not to respond to those because those men are probably married or have girlfriends and they are only looking to have sex. What a bunch of scumdogs! I want to meet a nice, polite, respectful man, not someone looking for a piece of _ss. I am so frustrated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 7:27pm

Good point, but I think I look at it this way..... To me, it does not matter who emails me. I am sure there will be some guys who I feel are not in the same league as myself and some who are. I figure, just go for it and see what happens. So I don't get worked up when guys who I feel are not attractive or twenty years older, email me. But I do get irritated when guys behave like two year olds and say disgusting things or ask for sex through a site, such as Match. Most people on there do have good intentions, so if it is sex or to just get a reaction, then there are different sites out there for that. Plus, when I say in my profile, "treat me like a lady and I'll adore you forever", does not mean, email me lude comments.

With that being said, I have not been completely dissatisfied with my Match experience, just temp. dissapointed with the choice of words some people have made.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 8:21pm

>>I've been on for a month and I am getting the grossest guys winking and emailing me. I showed one of my friends their pics and she said "They sure are big dreamers!". <<

Just to play devil's advocate in relation to your previous post "intimidating beauty,"
if you have the attitude that some guys are too "gross" for you, perhaps you do give off an unapproachable vibe.

This is not meant as an attack at all, but just meant to point out that we (all of us) sometimes have preconceived attitudes that we don't always know are there.

I read some great advice in a dating book recently that was helpful for me: when you're out looking for a potential date, to expand your view of what an acceptable love interest might be. For example, if you usually like white guys with blonde hair and goatees, that's who you'll see in a crowd. For practice, next time you enter a room, look for the black bald guys that are clean shaven.

At the next party, talk to the guy who is 20 years older than you. That is not to say you have to date these guys, it just opens you up to all kinds of people. That way, when you meet someone who falls outside your physical match "checklist," you will be more receptive.

You never know what kind of package Mr. Wonderful is wrapped up in. And, ladies, don't we want men to do the same for us?? Look beyond the physical and appreciate the person.

Just my 2 cents.

{Note: the guys who solicit sex through Match ARE too gross for you. That I will concede. ;) }

AJ, enjoying life with C.