This is what I don't get...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
This is what I don't get...
12
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 11:10pm

Why is it that some people can go from one relationship to another with hardly any time in between, whereas others can't get a decent guy if their life depended on it? I have a friend who was with this guy for like 3 years, and granted, a lot of it was one sided, she did a lot of the work, was always making plans, always going to see him, etc., and he was adamant about never wanting to get married, etc., (then why are you with him, I'm wondering...) so they broke up and it was fine. She's with a new guy already, they met when she was still with her other guy, but she's pretty serious with this other guy now, after not even a month! He's going through a divorce and has kids, so it's not the ideal situation, but he treats her really well and she is really happy, but she's being cautious too, which I don't blame her. But it's not just her....I see it ALL the time, where me, the only guys I seem to meet and hit it off with, well, they seem great at first, and then after a month or so, we're not having sleepovers or keeping little things at one anothers place, but he's telling me that well, he's just not that into me. My friend said that maybe I just attract the ones that don't want anything serious or are jerks, etc., but I don't think I am, I know what I want, I know the kind of person I want, so why can't I have it? Why does everyone else around me seem to have someone in their life and I can't even get a guy to break up with me to my face?!?

It's just one of those nights....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 12:37pm
I think I read the same article. It was a good one really. It wasn't putting us down for not being the independent type who can catch and keep a man it was saying that it helps to boost your self esteem for you first and foremost and the added benefit is keeping the kinds of men you really want in your life. I'm still working on this myself, but I do hope to be one of those women who is so confident and self-assured that it's just natural that I draw men to me because of how I feel about myself and how I exude that to others. I think we all have our insecurities and it's only human to wonder why he didn't call and be disappointed but the important part is containing these emotions, recognizing them for what they are, and not acting out on them and making it so obvious to the guy that we are insecure. I'm working on talking myself out of acting out when I feel hurt, disappointed and frustrated. I allow myself to feel these feelings but then I try to write about them and see if they are rational before I talk to a man or act out with him so I can pick and choose my battles more wisely. Relationships are hard, they bring about your deepest insecurities and it's important to try to contain those insecurities as much as you can especially in the beginning of the relationship so that you can leave an air of mystery about you. You shouldn't fake who you are or hide things so much and I used to think that's what people meant when they said to act nonchalant. It's really about "owning those feelings, allowing yourself to feel them, not acting out on them and realizing that no matter what others think we are valuable and lovable to ourselves and no one can take away that self love.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 7:12pm

To be honest, it sounds like your friend actually doesn't have many standards at all when it comes to relationships, therefore, pretty much just about anyone breathing will fit her bill.


I know she's your friend and you care about her, but that's how I see that situation.


Her "boyfriend" of three years never had to do a dang thing to be with her, she did everything, of course he's goign to cruise by as long as possible.

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