What if you really tried?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
What if you really tried?
51
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 6:52pm

Do you think that if you really set your mind to meeting a great guy in a given time period, you could do it?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:02pm

Uh, no, I don't believe it! Heck no, in fact!!! When I do everything you're "supposed" to, I may meet quite a few men, but "great guys" with whom I'm compatible? Uh, no, not so much. I'm not too sure many of them exist at my advanced age, anyway ;-).

That's why I'm taking a 90 day dating hiatus right now, I'm burned out from trying!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:06pm

I definitely think that if I vowed to meet a great guy by the end of the summer, and put myself in the situations to meet someone more often, I could do it. But, as for meeting someone that *I* am compatible with by the end of the summer, even if I really put a lot of effort into it, I think that would be somewhat unlikely. Just because I've come to realize over the years that when it gets down to the nitty-gritty of it, my personality is not compatible with the majority of men! I really do think there are lots of great guys out there, though.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:07pm

I believe I have tried everything. Everything I've been told to do, I have tried and it has not gotten me any close to a relationship at all.

The problem with those articles is that dating, to me, is a game of chance. You cannot work hard toward a goal and do everything neccessary to acheive that goal, like going down a checkoff list and at the end, there will be the man for you at the door. This isn't like finding a job because dating involves another person and as long as they will have their own free will, their own mind, thoughts and feelings, the outcome can do in any number of directions.

I don't think there is anything you can do to ensure that you will land a man in X amount of time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 7:15pm

That kind of timeline is adding stress to an already stressful situation. And then what if it doesnt happen? Thats an even bigger disappointment.

How is this different than someone saying "I'm goin to be married by 25, own a home by 27, and have 2.5 kids by the time I'm 33?" Its too unpredictable and there are too many things, both positive and negative, that can change that path.

No, timelines arent good for such things. I dont think it makes a difference. But I do think that changing habits or trying to get out more will increase your chances.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 9:48pm
I really don't think you necessarily will no matter how hard you try. You might, but you might not. It's all luck, which is what I hate about it- in every other aspect of life if you work hard enough and do what you're supposed to, you can succeed. But not with this-it completely comes down to luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 1:28am
I agree with that it all comes down to luck unfortunately like winning the lottery. Well, at least it seems like it's just as hard as winning the lottery sometimes *sigh*. It just seems to come to some people so easily and for others we struggle everday with the notion that we may never meet our right one. If you put yourself out there then you increase your chances a little bit but there is still definately not a guarantee, like when you buy scratch off tickets. If you buy more of them you increase your odds by a small amount but it still takes a large amount of luck to actually win. But I know that each of our "winning tickets" are out there it's just a matter of running into them. I know lame analogy :-) but that's the way I think of it. I too hate the fact that you can control every aspect of your life and succeed except in finding the right one for you.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 1:57am

Yes, I meant to say that in my post too...I think luck plays a HUGE factor. Have you seen the movie "Matchpoint"? The lead character says something at the beginning of the movie about luck being a much bigger factor in life than most people give it credit for...and I agree.

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 10:52am

What about attitude?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 11:00am
Attitude does have a lot to do with it. I don't think that i was trying to come across as pessimistic with saying that luck plays a huge factor. Positive attitude, playing the numbers, getting yourself out there will all of course help you out. Sometimes people can sense confidence and a good positive attitude and just approach you. I meant that luck has a huge factor in actually running into or meeting one of the people that is our match. After we meet that person then it's all up to them or up to us to keep it going. All the things that you CAN do to help you to meet that person of course you should try to do it because it will increase your chances but honestly I still think being at the right place at the right time has a lot to do with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 11:24am

This is a tough question. I do believe when you set your mind to meeting more men, you will. Which means, making more of a point to go out of your comfortable shell and doing things. At least this was the issue for me. Staying at home and watching TV was A-Okay for me for a long time. Since then, I had made up my mind to meet more men. Which meant, I had to make new friends. Friends who lived in the city and were not married. So now, I am doing things like boating in sail races off Lake Michigan and having a lot of fun. Tired. I am tired though. Have I found my true love? No, because I still want the guy I am looking for. But I think it will lead me to the guy, because I am doing something about it. Men can't find you when you are sitting at home, which was my case.

I have a friend who was determine to me married before age 30 and she did it. He is a great guy and I know she is happy, but I think you can set yourself up for failure and possibly end up with the wrong guy when you put a timeline on it. So my advice is to take your time, but make more of an effort to change the things that are holding you back.

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