What if you really tried?
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What if you really tried?
| Wed, 06-07-2006 - 6:52pm |
Do you think that if you really set your mind to meeting a great guy in a given time period, you could do it?
| Wed, 06-07-2006 - 6:52pm |
Do you think that if you really set your mind to meeting a great guy in a given time period, you could do it?
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"What about attitude? Does that have anything to do with it?"
In my experience, no. I entered the dating arena in the fall of 2004, full of zest, optimism and enthusiasm. I got plenty of dates but no relationship, no mutual feelings and no one that was even willing to let me in. So many rejections and a long string of bad luck later, I still go into every situation, hoping that things will be different. I have no expectations but I go in with a clean slate and an open mind to whatever guy I am dating.
I am still not closer to a meaningful relationship that back in 2004. I just have not come across a situation where the feelings have been mutual and the other person was willing to allow me in their heart or life.
I think it is just luck.
At the same token, I have know of a few guys (ones that didn't want me) that were adamantly against getting in a relationship and had the bad attitude to go with it. Guess where they are today? Yep, in a committed relatinship and madly in love.
That is my luck.
Attitude only gets you so far. I wouldn't bother to date at all if I wasn't optimistic that I *might* have the good fortune to meet one of the few single guys in my age group who is right for me ;-) (why would I waste my time if I wasn't optimistic?) but that doesn't mean I *will* meet one of them, no matter how optimistic I am.
And yes, you'll have a better *chance* of meeting someone right for you if you meet more men...but that wasn't your original question!
Realism is not the same as pessimism btw...
Sheri
I think leaving things up to "luck" is a very pessimistic attitude.
Maybe having an optimistic attitude doesn't guarantee success, but certainly having a bad attitude impedes it.
As for the men who were adamantly against getting into a relationship, I don't know them but I'd guess that they just didn't want a relationship with you (we've all been there, so it's nothing personal) and when they found someone they wanted to be in a relationship with they did it.
Of course there are exceptions, but in general people who look at life with a "can" attitude will get better results than those who look at it with a "can't" attitude.
Well, I only use the term luck in saying that you can take actions (putting yourself out there, initating dates, being open and available to what comes your way) but you don't have any control over the outcome. That is where luck comes into play.
Maybe luck is a bad word, I think of it as chance. Sometimes you can a good card, sometimes you don't.
Just to be clear, I don't think relying on luck *alone* is sufficient...but you can put in all the effort in the world, put yourself in the best possible positions to meet guys, etc., but without a little bit of luck, you still won't have success.
It takes a combination of effort AND luck, IMO.
I do think that if we're just talking about finding *a* relationship (but not necessarily with someone who is right for us), then yes, you could do so in a set period of time through effort alone without having luck be a factor. But finding someone who is right for us is too random, IMO, to say FOR SURE that we could meet such a person in a set period of time if we tried.
Sheri
I read an article recently (I can't remember where or I'd try to find it) that said if you've dated ten guys and none of them have seemed like they were long-term potential (I don't remember if the word marriage was mentioned or not), then you've probably passed up someone that you could have lasted with.
"I don't know that those "experts" who claim to help you find a mate in x amount of time or who say you've probably passed over someone wonderful really know what they're talking about, but on the other hand, I always wonder if there's something I'm just not getting that I should be. "
I believe these "experts" are just journalists who have a deadline to meet and need something fluffy and entertaining to right about. I really don't put much credence in what they're writing about.
Hey cl-shywon, I gave a very optimistic response ... maybe you skipped over it. I said I thought it was absolutely possible to meet a great guy by the end of the summer, but that for *me* personally, I feel I am not compatible with lots of guys in terms of long-term potential (which was only meant to be realistic, not pessimistic). I'm just aware that I do not have a very "mainstream" personality type, and I know that many guys are not going to find me suitable in terms of a long-term partnership, and vice versa.
As for the article that said if you've dated 10 men one of them probably had long-lasting potential, I think that really depends on what "long-lasting potential" means to each individual. Like you, I think that is a very small number of people -- I think for
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