What makes a person cheat?
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What makes a person cheat?
| Tue, 01-09-2007 - 2:30pm |
Do you think that it is situational, simple weakness, lack of morals/a good up-bringing, reflects on the person who was cheated on, or is it a result of insecurities/emotional scars deep within the cheater?
Also, do you have any theories on why this seems to be such an epidemic in our society? Are you a believer in the theory that we were never meant to be monogamous creatures?
http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html

I think boils down to values, plain and simple. If you highly value monogamy, then you won't cheat, no matter what. If you don't value it over everything else, you will, at least under certain circumstances.
People give all sorts of "reasons" for cheating but I think they are just excuses.
As to why it's an epidemic--selfishness and feelings of entitlement are rampant and many people value those things more highly than monogamy and/or having empathy for their partner.
No, I don't buy the biological imperative to cheat--if there is one, it can be overcome by placing a high value on monogamy. And if you don't value monogamy, then you shouldn't vow to be in a monogamous relationship.
Sheri
I think it's definitely not a one-size-fits-all answer.
I think it is different for each person. I think with my son's father it was situational weakness. I think with my last bf it was insecurities.
I think that the more it happens the higher the statistics go and I think the statistics are being used as an excuse. Oh well it is something that happens.. look at the statistics..
I think we all want to be monogamous. We all dream of that closeness/oneness. Then the statistics get in the way.
My two cents would be, "all of the above".
I think ppl that cheat, do it for different reasons. Yes, it can come down to values, but at the same token, I think it's more than that. Allowing your values to go to the wayside is one thing, but the reason you're allowing them to do that is what? And it can be anything you said above.
I have been cheated on and have cheated myself. I'm sure my xh cheated on me because I was a nagging overweight wife and he found someone else to entertain him on all levels. Other x's have cheated because there was opportunity and they just followed their hormones. Me, I cheated because it was me proving that I was wanted (meaning I had some huge insecurities issues).
As I have grown up and matured, I have the same thoughts most people do, if you value yourself and the person you supposedly love or married, give them the respect of leaving them PRIOR to cheating. I really really hate the ppl that say I love my wife, even though I'm cheating on her, but it's only physical (or whatevers). If you loved her so dang much, you wouldn't be cheating. You'd be expressing yourself to her and getting the two of you into counseling.
One thing you have to realize though (you in general terms) is that strangely, people value MARRIAGE more than they do MONOGAMY. It seems as though people would rather stray, and even spouses that know their SO is straying will allow it....to have that marriage stay in tact.
To me, that's sooo unhealthy. I'd rather be divorced, single, and alone....than to be cheated on and/or allowing it......or cheating on