What turns men on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
What turns men on?
11
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 10:02am

There's an article on the ivillage homepage with the title "Real Men Talk About What Turns Them On."

I didn't read it, but just the title created a definite reaction for me. I mean, how many years have we been looking at magazine covers like Cosmo and seeing these headlines? There was a time in my not too distant past when I would have eagerly read the article looking for tips on what attracts a man and how to win a man. What should I wear? What should I say? How should I kiss? What should I do in bed?

Today, I thought: "who cares?" I don't need to read some article on what 20 men think is sexy, or what attracts them, or whatever - and then try to change myself into some perfect version of what I think men are looking for. What I need to do is continue to be me, and continue becoming a better me, and the one man who finds "what I already am" sexy, will notice. Then, that man can tell me what turns *him* on, and I'll gladly listen.

I think this might be what people mean by being sick of the dating games. Mostly, I am sick of trying to be something that I'm not, and I am so ready to meet someone who will love me for who I am. Wouldn't that be such a relief? To be yourself and know you are accepted for that?




Edited 3/27/2006 3:36 pm ET by tallgirlcolo

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 12:07pm

I used to buy Cosmo too. And then I'm like???? am I crazy? I don't need a magazine to tell me how to turn a man on or I should act this way or that way. It's a wonder men and women ever get together with the advice from the Dr. Phils, "The Rules" and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I agree with you 100%.

The Unicorn

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 6:58pm

I would LOVE to be accepted for who I am right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 9:47am

I couldn't really imagine true happiness any other way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 9:14am
No, neither could I. I suppose that's why I'm single right now, because I really won't settle for less than that.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 4:49pm
Yeah, I know. Having standards really is a pain sometimes. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 9:14am
There's nothing wrong with rejecting all this "Cosmo" crap, but there is something wrong with being angry about men or at men. A more positive, optimistic attitude can make all the difference in dating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 2:34pm

My attitude was definitely not against men in any way, so I apologize if my post implied that. I love men and I am not blaming them for the media's perpetuation of the idea that we need to mold ourselves into superhumans to attract a mate.

By the way, I think the media makes BOTH men and women feel this way: women are made to feel like they are not pretty or sexy or thin or young enough, and men are made to feel they are not successful or handsome or buff or cool enough.

My point was that we are all "enough" for someone, just the way we already are. We don't need to pretend to be something we're not.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:53am
I completely agree. It's so nice when you can just be you and not what some magazines ideal of what a man finds attractive. It would take way too much energy for me to be that girl which I'm not. I think I'm kind of Tomboyish and goofy and sometimes men like the primped, very feminine women. I'm just not that kind of a woman. I can dress up and enjoy doing that sometimes but I never will be the pristine/feminine type of woman.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 10:26am

I would never suggest a man or woman should change the person they are in an attempt to catch, capture, or keep a member of the same or opposite gender. BUT, isn't there some benefit in understanding that gender a little better?

For example, knowing that many men express their emotions for their girlfriends/wives through sex might make it easier for a woman to understand why their guy doesn't share his feelings. OR, knowing that many women don't want a man to solve thier problems, but just want them to listen to them may allow men to more easily relate to their lady.

I don't see any problem knowing how to please a man or a woman. Having some understanding of how each person works, emotionally and physically, can only help us relate to each other. Again, stay true to who you are, unless you are a jerk. Then maybe change is a good thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 12:20pm

I definitely think there's value in knowing, in general, what makes the opposite sex tick.

However, each person is different. I have found that it's much better to figure out what makes my significant other tick than to try and understand men as a whole group. I hate generalizing, and there are always exceptions to the rule.

I know I don't fit the stereotypical outline of a woman. Heck, I express my emotions through sex (as well as in other ways) - does that make me masculine?

For me, I have decided to stop trying to second guess what a man might want and simply ASK the one man I'm interested in. Let the other women figure out the other men. :)

Now the problem boils down to finding just that one man.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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