What Would You Do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
What Would You Do?
9
Thu, 05-22-2014 - 11:20pm

I have been talking to this guy i met online for a while now. We go out on wednesdays for our "date night'. We have been hanging out and hitting it off great. We even spoke about taking a trip to NY in a few months. On our last date, we spoke about getting together the following week again but we never finalized the details because i wasn't sure whether or not i would be in town. When i realized that i would still be in town, i told him and we tried to make plans. The night before we were supposed to go out, we agreed that we were going to continue the conversation the next day and try to come up with something spontaneously. So i messaged him the next day and told him to hit me up when he had a minute to let me know what he came up with for us to do for the night. I didn't hear from him all day and he finally messaged me when it was late at night. He didn't mention anything about the date and all he said as a matter of fact was "Hi!". I asked him if he had recieved my text earlier in the day and he said that he read it but was having a "lazy day"all day and was stressed. I was so pissed off. Not only did i go out of my way to find a babysitter for my son so that we could hang out which isn't easy to do, but he acted as if nothing was wrong. Then i also felt insulted and disregarded because he read my text and decided not to respond because he was having a "lazy day" knowing that we had planned to hang out. I let him know that it would have been great if he could have let me know how he was feeling earlier in the day so that i wouldn't have waited the whole day to hear from him. After that, i have not spoken to him and have decided to ignore him. He messaged me today as if nothing happened which pisses me off even more. What do you think about everything?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Fri, 05-23-2014 - 6:37am

That guy is a jerk.  Keep the sitter and go out and do something fun for yourself.  He just earned another "lazy day" for himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 05-23-2014 - 10:14am

How long has it been since you met?  If you said on Tues. that you were definitely going to do something the next day, then I would be very annoyed that he just decided not to go out and didn't have the courtesy of letting you know.  I guess it depends on how much you like him otherwise if you are going to give him another chance, but I do think you should talk about how as a single mother, you need to plan and get babysitters so you need to know ahead of time if you are going out or not and how if you say you are definitely going to go out on a certain night, you expect that someone would follow through with plans.  I would expect this of anyone.  Last week I had a female friend who was supposed to go out with me on Sat. night--we were going out at 8:00 and when I talked to her at 4:00 she was going.  then she called back at 6:00 to say she had been gardening and was tired.  That left me with no one to go out with--I still went to the dance alone cause I knew people who would be there.  But if it was some other event then I might not have wanted to go alone and it would have been too late to make plans with other people.  I told her that I was annoyed that she would do that at such a late time although it's not something I would end a friendship over.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 05-23-2014 - 1:50pm

Ugh!  Boy, that takes me back to my younger days when I had to little ones.  What you are describing happened to me more than once.

All I can really say is although I don't know how old you are, I was still in my early 20's at the time and the guys I was seeing really didn't "get it."  There was no point trying to explain it to them, they just didn't get it and really didn't see what the big deal was.  

I remember once the guy was embarassed to say he was broke and I was like "Hello!  I got a sitter and this is not about going out and spending a bunch of money.  Come on over!"  

I would say that if you want to "date" him then go ahead and see him again, but clearly, regardless of his age, he is not in a place where he understand nor is ready for anything serious.  Again, this really takes me back and I am  telling you: don't try to figure it out and don't try to make things work.  Don't plan anything else again around his schedule.  

I don't blame you for ignoring his text.  But....I would say that in all fairness either be clear in your own mind it is over and don't ever contact him again, OR  if you still want to date casually, make contact but know in your own mind how casual this really is.  

Serenity CL making a marriage work

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Fri, 05-23-2014 - 2:39pm

Lol Cam. That was hilarious! 

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 05-23-2014 - 7:51pm

 He forgot that you have responsibilities he does not.  This is common.  Also He might have wanted to be alone and did not know how to communicate it to you.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Sat, 05-24-2014 - 12:04am

Sounds about right. Still pisses me off, especially if he claims he likes me as much as he said he did. Sure has a way of showing it. Funny how now that I haven't been speaking to him, he's not being very lazy and has been contacting me a lot. Interesting! 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 05-24-2014 - 9:25am
Donna- have you ever read Why Men Love b- itches? It talks a lot about how guys try to get away with crap like that. If we don't let them, sometimes it makes them respect us more. He may have been behaving like a six year old- testing the boundaries. Not that it excuses anything, but I don't think it's uncommon for a guy to step it up when he knows he can't get away with being a jerk or lazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Sat, 05-24-2014 - 11:01am

Shy, yes I actually have the book and that's so true. It's funny how men are so similar to children lol. The part where the book mentions being a sling shot is my current scenario. Except I'm not purposely trying to get him to come back to me in this situation. I'm just so pissed that I don't want to talk to him. My time is worth something and I feel like he didn't see that. At least my son got a play date out of this : /

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 06-02-2014 - 2:02pm

I know I'm coming in way late on this but for what it's worth, I would've done the same thing.  If a person is that inconsiderate it doesn't even matter if it's a guy or a girl, you are dating them or not - it's thougtless and rude.  It doesn't take long to compose and send a quick text.  The nice way to have gone about it was to have called you to explain.