What you want vs. what you need

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
What you want vs. what you need
14
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 11:19pm

Do you ever think that what it seems like you want in a relationship/mate isn't what you really need?


Here's an example, which is entirely fictional and is not based on any person, real or imaginary.


Let's say there's one guy- he's spontaneous, good looking, great smile, fun to be around, laid back, spends time doing all the things you've wanted to do, yet never had the nerve.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 12:30am

I guess I'd hope for #3.

Lord knows I'm back and forth enough that hopefully I could find someone who identifies. Some things I plan to the last detail and some things, I just wing. Hopefully there is a balance.
I know, not very insightful but what can I say, I'm a dreamer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 12:38am

"Which guy would you be drawn to?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 1:15am
These number 2 guys just don't work out in the long run, at least for me, so I better stick with number 1. I don't know if number 3 exists at all... But unfortunately, it seems that if a person is lacking fire and motivation (like these number 2 types), that is not very good for a relationship. I am not even sure that the number 2 types are "what we need." Maybe they seem like that in the beginning. Usually they turn out to be very selfish, quite lazy, and incapable of being inspired by other people. But that's just my experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 1:28am
My natural reaction would be to pic the first guy. I myself am very sparatic and unplanned so im attracted to guys who easily amuse or interest me. but i do think you can find a combination man. It's just finding him that takes forever:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 8:31am

Honestly, I'd be drawn to both if they were showing an interest.

But which one will continue to return my messages is the real question!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 10:05am

Very interesting!

I can weigh in on this cause it's something I've dealt with. I'm a very orderly, don't like surprises, not as flexible as I'd like to be - person. BUT I often wish the person I was with was more spontaneous and could call me Friday afternoon and say "let's go camping tonight" BUT I'm with someone who doesn't do that. Now, would I really be happy being with someone who did that? I'm not sure... because of said qualities above. So... while I SAY I'd like to have someone who is spontaneous and such... am I with someone who isn't because really he suits me better!?

Another thing, I'm a very passionate, emotional, intense person - I'm with someone who is VERY even keel, stable, doesn't really experience highs or lows - never really gets super excited or sad. There are times I really wish he'd REACT and either be upset or really show great joy... but he doesn't. We've talked about it before and he says to me "think about if you were with someone like you - someone who DID experience the realm of emotions you are talking about... you guys would be like a freaking circus ride." and maybe he's right!? Maybe he balances me out... and maybe I stretch him to feel alittle more in each direction than he normally wouldn't!? So how can I say which "type" is better for me!?

Honestly, I'd like to THINK #3 exists - but I haven't met him yet... and the more guys I met that are either #1 or #2 - I'm less likely to think #3 exists.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 10:35am

LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 11:17am

I believe there is the possibility for all three. It is a matter of either settling or not settling.

For me, I want the cute, yet predictable guy who is stable. Yet I also seem to be drawn to the fun and outgoing guys. That is why I think dating teaches you so much. What I thought I used to want in a mate, is not really the same guy anymore. So before, I would have stayed with the unstable guy and realize that in the end, I would be miserable with him. Now, I am looking for more stable guys who still make my heart beat a little faster.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 11:42am

The guys in the middle seem to be already taken.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 11:43am

That's probably going to be the #2 guy because my experience is that the first guy- the fun, spontaneous, run off to the Bahamas in a heartbeat, guy isn't very reliable.

Pages