What is your tolerance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
What is your tolerance?
6
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 7:28pm

Okay, I'd like to get some feedback on some of the worst scenarios you ladies (or men) have ever put up with as far as relationships go and how they worked out, or didn't. If you're looking for an example of what I'm talking about, and wanna help me out with your opinions of course, here's my story:

My old favorite, Jim, (read "Liar. Or is he?" If you're really interested enough to want the antecedent action) and I have been dating for over a month now. Up until last week sometime, he called me every day and we saw each other at least every other.

Out of the blue, he stopped calling so much and, with the exception of Saturday when he called me completely hammered and I went over to babysit him, I haven't seen him/received a call from him since last Wednesday. It's funny that someone just recently posted about bad boy appeal since this seems to be a fairly good example of that... and it's wearing thin.

Today, I asked him about it in a "Are we over?" context and he basically said "My out of town friends were in town, you knew I'm all about friends come first, and you could be calling me too once in a while."

To make matters worse, it's Valentine's tomorrow so I've only got more disappointment to look forward to. Should I be getting out of this? Or am I in the wrong? A bit of male input would be appreciated, for sure. I know you boys are lurkin around :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 6:02am
He isn't interested in you. He will continue having sex with you until you finally realise that you are making all the effort and the relationship is going nowhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 9:40am
I think when you're trying to decide whether or not you want to be with someone the most important deciding factor should be that they want to be with you, too. That means they say it, they act like it and you believe it. If any of those things are missing, I don't think it's really a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 10:19am

I agree with Lesley.

Follow your gut -- you know if it's not right. If you feel yourself starting to rationalize his behavior for him, that's a red flag. You owe it to yourself to be with someone who makes an effort for you.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 4:47pm

It's funny you mentioned your story. The same thing has happened to me although I didn't sleep with this guy~thank goodness. He did the same as your guy, calling me all the time, asking me out for dates and then I had the talk with him about getting tested for STD/HIV and the monogamous/exclusive talk and he started acting real strange. So his bday is also on V-Day, I give the guy the benefit of the doubt~ONCE!!! I called him in the a.m. to wish him Happy BDay told him I needed his address to send the card & gift card I got him~he gave me his address. All the while you think he would've said something like "Hey Happy VDay." I was sick with flu too mind you, this guy says nothing, sends nothing, no flowers~no e-card...NOTHING!!!! So I took the card I was going to give him from the outgoing mail pile at work, opened it up got the gift card~will give it to my Uncle whom I adore, and I tore up the card. This friggin' idiot has the audacity to text me this morning asking me "How am I doing?" Excuse me...ummm bye~bye A$$hole!!!! I've been dating you for six weeks, you've had your tongue down my throat, your hand up my blouse and you can't even wish me a happy VDay. I am a firm believer in past behavior equaling out to future behavior. Meaning if this is how you're going to act C'est La Vie!!! Or like everyone has said, he just ain't into me which is cool too~still don't waste my damn time!!!


Who are these men dating, what type of women are letting them getaway with this BS???!!!! I will be by myself forever if this is what it takes to get and keep a man~I'm sorry.


babies 

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 6:44pm

Ha! Good for you!

I dumped a guy recently who didn't call when he said he was going to *one* too many times. I'd let that type of behavior go a couple times, but this was the last straw: he went 12 days without calling (after saying he'd call me 2 days later the last time we talked) and then when he DID call, he didn't even *acknowledge* the fact that he hadn't called when he was supposed to, let alone apologize! And then he blows up my phone for the next week, wondering why I'm not calling him back!!!

I let him stew for 2 weeks because I was so annoyed and then sent him an email telling him why I wouldn't be calling him any more (because I have been on the receiving end of the disappearing act too often so I didn't want to just disappear on him but I was sure tempted!).

The fool actually had the nerve to call me twice yesterday (Val Day)...I sent both calls to voicemail but he didn't leave a message. He has yet to apologize so I'm not about to talk to him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 3:42pm
I agree with everyone else. If he was really interested, he would keep up the effort. He has started losing interest for whatever reason and that is why the calls are tapering off. The fact that he says "friends come first" well, what does he consider you? He just wants to call when its convenient for him and he doesn't have anything or anybody else to do. It's better to be a little lonely than a lot miserable. Lose the guy and find a better model. You deserve better than to be treated like that!