I know that dating in your 40s and beyond isn't too much different, since we're in the same generation. But I've found that the men are far more spoiled at this age, and it can become a battle of wills (not necessarily wits). I've not given up on men, but I'm far more wary of what they tell me.
My XH and I were 4 yrs apart in age, but poles apart in value systems (though he led me to believe otherwise). He basically wanted a mommy and not a wife--someone who'd forgive him ANYthing (including illegal drug dealing!) and still love him. Myself, I really didn't want to contend w/someone who had the potential of landing me in the slammer, thereby losing my 20-yr federal pension, and overall ruining my life forever. It just wasn't "me"...
What I've noticed the most is that the age at which a woman has her first date seems to be climbing higher and higher. (I'm 19 and I've never even met a guy for coffee or smoothies, let alone dinner and a movie.)
I am not saying I'm "better" - what I am saying is that I listen very closely for character flaws that are deal breakers for me - ultra negativity, a temper, misognyn, drug use, etc - I miay have screened out some nnice people but that's fine with me - what it does mean, I'm happy to say is that at age (almost) 37 I am not jaded or cynical, I genuinely like men, I've generally been treated well and even wonderfully - and I'm reasonably attractive - nothing amazing - I just silently demand good treatment, keep my head on straight early on so I don't have blinders on, and that apporach has seemed to work pretty well for me in the last 20 years. I would say that when it comes to finding men of the highest character and integrity to date and also to be friends with - I score! No, I can't say the same about level of attractiveness - but then, the "stud" or "macho" guys who work out all the time never really appealed to me. (not sayin gthey did to you, either).Thanks for listening.
In essence, XH wore the right "mask" for the occasion, and since I was fairly new on the dating scene--I had lost over 100 lbs and was re-socializing--now I realize I was very naive about his character, and he took full advantage of it. What I believed was his "boyishness" was immaturity; what I thought was creative license on inconsequential issues was grotesque lying on the significant ones. The worst part of it was that he led me to believe we had similar values, when it turned out we were poles apart on that score. So what he said, what he did, and what he meant were 3 totally different things. And since he's a minister, that's his trump card--and that's why it took me so long to understand what was going on, b/c how could a PRIEST be capable of...? Well, very easily, as things turned out.
My therapist tells me that perhaps I had to travel this tumultuous route to bring me to where I am now in life, including my new home. I tend to agree w/that, since I'm so happy and so at peace in my home now; I literally love that home like I've never loved a home in my life. So perhaps that terrible experience wasn't entirely for nothing.
So, to answer your ?, do I take responsibility for the marriage's demise? I have to say no--b/c he owed me The Truth, and when I asked ?s, he went to deliberate and extravagant lengths to hide it. So now--boy, am I gonna keep my eyes open...
-a lot more women approaching men now. -guys are trying a lot harder to look good. (gym, skin care, etc.)-women are paying for more dates.-women are becoming more picky about how a guy looks.-a nice sports car won't get you anywhere anymore.-stalking is no longer romantic.-there's a lot more interacial dating now.-people are trying not to pick up in bars anymore.-women are becoming more muscular... (not sure what this has to do with dating, but i just wanted to throw that in)-the stereotype that all men want is sex is more prevalent than before.-i don't know if its true, but i think people are more educated about sex, now.-people don't seem to be dating as much?