What's going on here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
What's going on here?
12
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 9:20pm
I need advice/opinions. I have been involved with a guy that I've known for about three years. We were good friends and we recently started dating. We've seen each other roughly ten times--basically dated for about a month. Here's the problem. That was a couple of months ago, and while we've talked to each other a few times, he's been quite busy and there was a tragedy in his family and we haven't had time to see each other. Now I'm starting to wonder if what he's really doing is distancing himself from me--trying to dump me without actually dumping me. I've had guys that I've dated for months just disappear on me before. I'm afraid that the same thing is happening again. Does anyone know what is behind this behavior? My opinion is that men who do this are cowards--afraid to face hurting someone so they opt just to stop calling cold turkey. Either that or they discover they have actual feelings for the other person and they can't deal with it. Or maybe they're just jackasses. In any case, I'm getting upset and I think I deserve SOME kind of explanation--especially if it's someone who was a good friend before. If it had just been one or two dates and we didn't know each other well, I would let it slide. But this isn't okay with me. I've tried to contact him but have received no response in the last week. What is going on?? And if anyone that reads this has just bailed on someone like this before or know someone who's done this before, I'd really like an honest answer. Because most of the time (and in this case), during these relationships, things are going really well. And then suddenly, the guy is gone for no reason that I can figure out. Help!

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Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 4:05pm

I have two theories about these types of guys. 1) They don't know how to let a girl down easily and 2) They are seeking perfection and once they figure out that you're not perfect, they move on to the next girl.

Don't waste your time on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2006
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 5:37pm

Hi,

I'm sorry you're dealing with a disappearing guy!! I have had this happen to me a few times over the years. Most recently, I felt he was distancing emotionally although he said nothing was wrong. A week later he broke up with me in an EMAIL!!!! Why not just discuss it when I asked if there was a problem?

My girlfriends and I have (over)analyzed this to death. It could be this or that....BUT sadly, what I think now is....

It doesn't matter why, if you feel he is distancing he probably is. To contact him will not help the cause of sparking re-interest. If he is overwhelmed by family tragedy it will only stress him as one more thing to deal with. I have found, as hard as it is to do, if you back off and give him space, either:

1. He wanted distance all along and he'll disappear.
or more likely
2. He will miss the attention and miss you and contact you.

Good luck!

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